King Bowser Kinda Answers Your Questions
by Pharaoh-chan
Summary: As the title implies, The Great and Awesome King Bowser himself answers any and all questions you might have about ANYTHING ever! Submit them now! Although I cannot be reponsible for anything he says...ONE OR TWO questions per person, please!
1. Send In Your Questions!

Yes, the time has come, for The Great and Awesome King Bowser Koopa to answer any and all questions you have about his personal life, plumber problems, parenting skills, plots, nefarious schemes, weapon designs, love-life, the whole shebang! Submit your questions; keep them short and simple, as His Highness has no patience for decoding things.

Also, I am not responsible for anything His Nefariousness says or implies. So get to it, folks!


	2. The Insanity Ensues!

Kammy: Ah, welcome, welcome, thank you for joining us today! I see that questions have been submitted per request for our Disgruntled Highness! He has so graciously decided to view them and answer them! And now, a big welcome for him, yes? I PRESENT TO YOU, THE BEST AND MOST AWESOME KING IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE, BOWSER KOOPA!

**Bowser:** BWA HA HA! That's RIGHT. I am the best! The best and most awesome.

Kammy: Of course, Your Gloatiness.

**Bowser:** Not like I need YOU to tell me that, haggy.

Kammy: But of course Your Highness. But the reason we're all here is for the interview. You remember, yes Your Forgetfulness?

**Bowser:** What? Oh yea. COURSE I REMEMBER. BRING 'EM ON. I'll answer anything you pipsqueaks dare to ask me about!

Kammy: Well sire, the first one appears to be from LOTW. Shall I read it?

**Bowser:** DUH, hag. I ain't got all day!

Kammy: Of course Your Impatientness. Ahem.

_"What exactly is your relationship with Princess Peach?" _

_ -LOTW_

Wow, they sure don't waste any time getting to the point, eh sire?

**Bowser:** *reddens slightly* Err. Uh. Well.

Kammy: Sire? You promised to answer anything.

**Bowser:** SHUT UP! I know that. I was just thinking is all.

Kammy: I smell the wood burning, Your Thoughtfulness. *chuckles*

**Bowser:** The heck? I don't smell anything, stupid. Stop interrupting! I'm trying to think! Well. Princess Peach is….well she's pretty. And uh. She rules the freaking Mushroom Kingdom! Plus she's a good cook. And she smells nice. And my kids like her. I'd LIKE to say that she's totally attracted to me and we're going out. But we're not. But that's just 'cuz she hasn't realized what a total hunk I am. Prolly because she hangs around fungus people all day. Ok? Is that a good enough answer?

Kammy: Indeed, sire! An excellent answer!

**Bowser:** Course it is. That wasn't so hard. BRING ON THE NEXT ONE!

Kammy: Ahem.

_"how come king dedede is a better king then you?"_

_ -taxidriver28_

**Bowser:** WHAT?! That sorry excuse of a king better than ME?! HAH. I don't think so! WHO SAYS HE'S A BETTER KING?!

Kammy: Apparently taxidriver28…..Your Insultedness.

**Bowser: **There's no way that anybody's a better king than me!

Kammy: Of course, sire, but I suppose it's all a matter of opinion….

**Bowser:** OPINION?! WHAT THE HELL!! *shakes with rage* whose side are you on, haggy?!

Kammy: Gack….!! Y-yours, Your Enragedness!! I was merely-I was just……Oh. Never mind sire, that question was clearly a fluke!

**Bowser:** *calms down a bit* ……Pft. Yea. I'm the best and most awesome king there is, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT! I'd like to see King Durdurdur shoot a mile of FLAMES outta his mouth!

Kammy: Darn straight Your Awesomeness!

**Bowser:** Ok, ok. Read the next question hag!

Kammy: Yes Your Impoliteness!

"_how do you cope living with 8 kids? SERIOUSLY WHO IS THE WIFE!!??"_

_ -ROFLcopter_

__**Bowser: **Oh it ain't easy, trust me. Half the time if they ain't whining about who hit who or who destroyed what, they're begging me for stuff, and always screwing up! I mean, I have a headache EVERY DAY. It's seriously always there. It's like they don't have an off switch. It was hard especially when they were younger. I used to have to pawn them off on Kammy just so I could take a nap or something!

Kammy: Oh joyous occasions, sire. *exhales slowly*

**Bowser:** They were her problem for at least an hour anyway. *toothy grin* Now that they're older they're still kinda a pain. But they're more independent anyway. I mean, for a single dad I did a pretty awesome job of raising them I gotta say.

Kammy: I agree, sire. They've turned out quite well!

**Bowser:** I get the other question a lot though. I was in some kinda arranged marriage. Y'know, the kind where ya don't see the other people until you're older, and they're totally unattractive. Well she was nice lookin' enough I guess but her personality just sucked. And I mean sucked. But hey, royalty is royalty and people don't care if you like each other. Just produce some heirs or whatever and be done with it. Well we had the koopalings and we still didn't like each other but hey, she loved our kids. One day though when I woke up, she was gone. I mean totally gone. Packed her bags. Flew the coop. I have no idea where she is, actually. I was younger too, and I had no idea what to tell the kids. It was hard, I guess. I still haven't heard from her. It ain't a big deal though. *shrugs* Like I said, we weren't fond of each other. But the kids….man, I still feel bad about it.

Kammy: We tried to look for her, but unfortunately she's never turned up. It's rather a mystery.

**Bowser:** Yeah….Well. Anyway. End of subject. I'm tired, haggy.

Kammy: Already?! But I'm sure there's a lot more you've got left to answer, Your Procrastinating-ness!"

**Bowser:** HEY. That was a long answer! That counts for at LEAST two questions. I'm already tired anyway.

Kammy: But you've just woken up, Your Crankiness!

**Bowser:** Psh….fine. A few more. If I feel like it. Bring 'em on haggy!

Kammy: Yes Your Exasperatingness….

_"So, Great Koopa King, 3 questions:_

_Hows it feel to be less popular than Luigi among most fans_

_Why the Clowns?_

_And What happened to Iggy? Did he get his head stuck in a blender?_

_-Equidna Rojo_

**Bowser:** What the heck, three questions at once?! Bahhhhh. And….who's Luigi?

Kammy: Sire, that's Mario's younger brother.

**Bowser:** GAHH! Don't say that disgusting 'M' word in front of me! I was in a good mood too!

Kammy: *sighs* ……Green Stache.

**Bowser:**….Eh? Green Stache? Who brought him up? You're confusing the heck outta me, haggy. What was the other question?

Kammy: Moving on I suppose….Erm…._Why the clowns?_

**Bowser:** Oh. Well. Cuz I like clowns. Duh.

Kammy: Perhaps you should elaborate, Your Eludingness.

**Bowser:** Uhm. Kamek used to take me to carnivals when I was a kid. And there were always clowns. And….I didn't think they were funny. But then I saw a clown go up to this kid, and the kid, he started BAWLING. I mean, cryin' his eyes out and yelling, and all that junk. So then I decided that anything that can scare the crap outta a kid that much is awesome in my book.

Kammy: And the third question, Your Strangeness?

**Bowser:** Oh. Iggy. Uh. I don't know what's up with him. He's definitely a weird kid. He stays in his room most of the time, tinkering with whatever. He blows stuff up a lot. So as for getting his head stuck in a blender, heh, maybe he did, dunno.

Kammy: All your children are a bit deranged, if I may say, sire.

**Bowser:** ARE WE DONE YET?! I said I'd answer a few more, and that was definitely a few!

Kammy: I…guess so?

**Bowser:** Phew. Good. I was getting' hungry. Go make me a snack or something, haggy.

Kammy: Ah, yes Your Bossiness. Erm. Thank you for all the questions, and please continue to send in anything you might wish to ask the Great and Awesome Koopa King!

**Bowser:** Haggy, sandwich, food, something, NOW.

Kammy: Right, remember to click that green button at the bottom!


	3. The Minions Are Useless!

Kammy: Here we are again, live and uncut! A huge welcome to all our readers, and of course the reason we're all here, King Bowser Koopa!

**Bowser:** Yeah, yeah, stop with the flattery, ya old hag. *toothy grin* What's on the menu today?

Kammy: I believe I already made your sandwich as you requested sire.

**Bowser:** I meant for the question thingy!

Kammy: Oh! Right. Of course. Heh heh. Our first for today comes from Fang289, who asks

"_Why aren't you as badass as Ridley from Metroid or Ganondorf from Zelda?"_

**Bowser: **….You know I'd be a lot madder if I knew who either of those guys were.

Kammy: Erm….I haven't the faintest idea either, sire.

**Bowser:** Who the heck is Gammondork anyway?

Kammy: I'm uncertain Your Puzzledness.

**Bowser:** Well FIND OUT! I can't have people goin' around thinking other guys are more badass then me!

Kammy: It's on my to-do list, Your Badassyness. Shall we move on?

_"Why exactly did you name Bowser Jr. after you? Was it because he looks so much like you or did you just run out of names after seven kids?_"

-_LOTW _

**Bowser:** I named him after me cuz what parent DOESN'T want their kid named after them?! I would've named Ludwig after me but whatsherface wouldn't let me.

Kammy: 'Whatsherface?' You mean your ex-wife, sire?

**Bowser:** Yea yea, quiet down haggy. Anyway she came up with that weird name. Said it was after some famous musician. After she left I was like, 'to hell with that!' So I finally just named Junior after me.

Kammy: Our next question comes to us from RaDiCaLmE who writes:

"_hehe i cant resist! I gotta ask some questions!_

Beside Jr., who would you pick to be a favorite from the other kids?  
Is there any other person you feel threatened by beside Mario?  
When you had to actually team up with him to save the world and whatnot, have you ever started to trust him?"

**Bowser**: Do you know how many times my kids ask me that question? And if I tell 'em, "so-and-so" they get ticked and beat the hell outta "so-and-so." That's why I don't pick favorites. I mean, Jr.'s tough but he's still a little guy so sometimes he needs extra attention. If I HAD to pick though for off the record….Ludwig was my first boy, heck my first son, and firsts are always important to parents. But I'm pretty proud of all of them.

Kammy: That was rather touching, Your Sensativeness.

**Bowser:** Graaaaghhh! Shut the heck up, ya old windbag!!

Kammy: Yeesh! My apologies Your Repugnantness!

**Bowser:** And as for feeling "threatened' by anyone, I'm not. Not even of Pastaface. Nothing can tear down this fort, baby! *thumps chest*

Kammy: *sighs* But of course. Even though said 'Pastaface' tends to trounce you now and again.

**Bowser:** WHAT WAS THAT?!

Kammy: E-er, I believe you still have another question, I said!

**Bowser:**….Oh. No. Even if it was to just "team up" or whatever I still wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him. Which is surprisingly far since he's pretty short.

Kammy: Next question, Your Untrustingness!

_"__A few questions, my lord.  
One: Have you ever heard of Mario's various other enemies and hated acquaintances, such as Wario?  
Two: Did you have any friends back when you were a child/teenager?  
Three: Why do green koopa troopers walk off cliffs? Any special reason?  
Four: Other then Princess Peace, who else have you had secret (and not so secret) "friendships" with?_

Ta-Ta for now."

_ -Warets_

**Bowser:** Mario has hated enemies? I gotta get in touch with them so we can make his life hell!

Kammy: I believe you've met Wario on a number of occasions, Your Forgetfulness.

**Bowser:** Huh. I gotta write some of these names down or something. Are these people I should know about?

Kammy: You don't get out much, do you, Your Introvert-ness.

**Bowser:** BWAHH!! SHUT UP!! *spews out flames*

Kammy: *hiding behind her scorched chair* P-perhaps His Angriness should answer the other questions?

**Bowser:** BAHH. Fine. Maybe a few more. If I feel like it! Uh. I forgot what the other ones- OH. No. Not really. I didn't leave the castle much. I didn't really like anyone. Everyone ticked me off. KINDA LIKE THEY DO NOW!!

Kammy: S-sire, the third question, if you will…..

**Bowser:** ……My minions walk off cliffs?!

Kammy: Some of them do, sire. *waves her wand to create another chair for herself*

**Bowser:** Well GEEZ! No WONDER Mario gets to my castle so easily! BUNCH OF LAZY, STUPID KOOPAS!! I'll FRY them to bits! What the heck are we training these guys for?!

Kammy: I haven't any clue, sire. This certainly explains why your plans never work though.

**Bowser:** Gaaaaaaaaah!! I'm so gonna kill them all when I get back to the castle!

Kammy: Try to calm down, Your High-Blood-Pressured-ness!

**Bowser:**……Ok. I'm ok. I'll deal with it later. Read the last thingy again.

Kammy: _Four: Other then Princess Peace, who else have you had secret (and not so secret) "friendships" with?_

**Bowser:** Hmph. None of your beeswax!!

Kammy: Oh my, Your Private-ness.

**Bowser:** Move on. I'm in a bad mood.

Kammy: Whatever His Grouchyness says.

"_I have a question for you and it involves New Super Mario Bros. Wii: How do get so big at the end of the game and why did your kids kidnap Princess Peach?_

I also have another one and it involves Mario Kart: Why did you name your Double Dash!! kart the Koopa King?

And the last one is about fire breath: How do you use it to defeat Mario & his friends?

I need to know these answers Your Evilness."

_ -dragon19kyoshi_

**Bowser:** Aw that's easy. Magic of course. I mean I'm already beefy, but the magic just powers up my already mighty muscles!

Kammy: It takes a lot of magic to empower His Beefyness though, so it's difficult to keep him that way. Not that the world needs a giant Bowser walking around…

**Bowser:** Huh? Sure they do! It'll give them something great to gawk at!

Kammy: Whatever His Huge-Ego-ness says.

**Bowser:** Uh, and for that other question, I guess my kids must really like Peachy. *chuckles* What can I say? They take after their ol' dad.

Kammy: They're getting more evil every day, aren't they sire?

**Bowser:** Yep. Regular chips off the ol' thwomp. Heh heh. Oh, and I take every opportunity to name stuff after myself. Heck, if it weren't for my ex-wife, ALL my kids would've been named after me!

Kammy: Wouldn't that be spectacular, sire. *sarcastic*

**Bowser:** Yea. And. Every koopa knows that a plumber's weakness is an inflamed behind. Gwa ha ha! Seriously though, I love setting him on fire. But now I'm getting hungry again. Haggy, go make me something!

Kammy: His Highness is so similar to a small infant. You require eating every two hours!

**Bowser:** DID YOU JUST CALL ME A BABY?!

Kammy: EEK! No, Your Huge-Not-Baby-Like-At-All-ness! P-please continue to send in your questions!


	4. The Questions Are Deadly!

Kammy: Ah, hello, hello. We do so appreciate the wonderful questions, don't we Your Rottenness?

**Bowser**: Huhn? Yea, sure, whatever.

Kammy: Shall I read the next bunch, before you request of me another sandwich, Your Bloatyness?

**Bowser:** Yea, whatever. HEY. WHAT?! BLOATY?

Kammy: A-ah,

_"__Yo, KB! Do you an' Wart hang out much?  
Plus, are you just that lazy that you have to have someone kidnap Peach for you? : D"_

_-Darkrai-risen_

**Bowser:** No. Wart's……no. We don't.

Kammy: Especially not after what happened last time….good heavens….

**Bowser:** Which is why we don't allow grape soda in the castle.

Kammy: Oh…my…*shudders*

**Bowser:** Erm. And I'm not lazy! If someone else kidnaps her, as long as they bring her back to MY castle, I could care less.

Kammy:

_"Why do you, most of the time, get beaten by a plumber in overalls?_

Why do you take fun in tormenting your minions?"

_-jade304_

**Bowser: **Gahh, must we go over this a gazillion times every day?! He's got powers beyond anything any "normal" human can muster up. Plus he never fights fair. So there. *crosses arms*

Kammy: It's true, thousands of years ago, when the koopas and Mushroomians first started out there was a-

**Bowser:** This isn't a history lesson, Kammy! This is about ME, not what happened a long time ago.

Kammy: Of course sire. I was merely explaining to our readers what it is that causes Mario's powers to surpass your own at times. I'm sure they're very curious.

**Bowser:** Yea yea, some other time, haggy. And WHY do I like tormenting my minions? A couple reasons actually. For one, they're stupid. And for two, they never shut up. Now give me another question, haggy!

Kammy: Of course, Your Wretchedness.

"_Thank you for the answers to my previous questions. But here are the next few..._

1. In New Super Mario Bros, when you become a dry bones skeleton, how angry were you at Mario?

2. Have you and Starlow been in touch ever since Mario and Luigi: Bowsers inside story?

3. You do know there are other princesses you can capture too, right? Like Princess Daisy, Peach's friend. Why don't you kidnap other princesses?

Ta-Ta for now. I must get back to work."

_-Warets_

**Bowser: **Uh. I was angry. I don't LIKE dying. It's totally not fun. And I look weird.

Kammy: It's never fun fixing Your Deadness either.

**Bowser:** Starlow? You mean "Chippy?" No. And I'm glad. That little pesky star thingy was wreaking havoc around my awesome body! And as for other princesses, I don't WANT Daisy at my castle. She's annoying. And she HATES me.

Kammy: I think she hates everything koopa, sire.

**Bowser:** Psh. Probably. I don't want nothin' to do with Princess Crazy over in Cuckoo Land.

Kammy: Princess Daisy in Sarasland, Your Silliness.

**Bowser:** I KNOW!! It was supposed to be a joke.

Kammy: Of course, Your Humorousness.

_" I have a new set of questions for you Bowser!_

1. Besides fire breathing, what are your favorite attacks in Super Smash Bros. Brawl?

2. What happens when you defeat Dark Bowser in Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story?

3. What's your favorite board from the entire Mario Party series?

4. In my fanfic 'Bowser and the Cannon', what happens when you use Ludwig to create the cannon?

And finally: What is your favorite drink?

Peace out, dragon19kyoshi.

P.S.: Thanks for the first set of questions!"

**Bowser: **Well I love my Flying Slam attack and my Final Smash. It kicks major ass. And uhm…nothing. I win. That sad excuse of a copy totally explodes! And my favorite board? Uh….well Bowser's Magma Mountain is a CLASSIC. I kinda like my Enchanted Inferno though too. I'm so awesome!

Kammy: Your boards are always a reflection of you, sire.

**Bowser:** Well duh. I wouldn't make a board after YOU, haggy. Oh. You know what else rocked? My Warped Orbit board. It was on the freakin' SUN. How's that for hot, haggy?! Bwa ha ha!!

Kammy: Oh, too hot for me, sire.

**Bowser:** And what's a fanfic?

Kammy: Sire, that's when stories are written about other people but it's the fan's own fictional plot.

**Bowser:** I don't really read a lot.

Kammy: That's alright sire. I did however do some research on this story, and it sure seems accurate. See, Ludwig builds a cannon per your request sire, so that you can be fired into the Mushroom Kingdom, but it backfires on you, and you land on your own castle, destroying it! Isn't that just hilarious, Your Clumsiness!

**Bowser:** *glares*……

Kammy: Erm….what I mean is…….uh….

**Bowser:** That's what I thought. And my favorite drink is Koopcola. Speaking of it, for your last comment, go get me some, haggy. Make it snappy!!

Kammy: Right away, Your Thirstyness!

**Bowser:** What's this next question thingy say…..uh…..

_" I have a new set of questions for you Bowser!_

1. Besides fire breathing, what are your favorite attacks in Super Smash Bros. Brawl?

2. What happens when you defeat Dark Bowser-"

Oh wait. Didn't I just answer these? Bah….KAMMY, WHERE ARE YOU?!

Kammy: Right here, sire. Your drink!

**Bowser:** I said make it snappy! I can't do this, read the next one.

Kammy: Yes Your Frustratedness!

"_bowser junior is YOU. Remember partners in time. He is you from the past, just like baby mario and baby luigi right?"_

_-TOO lazy to log in…2_

**Bowser: **Uhm. What?

Kammy: I'd better explain this one, Your Confusedness. If you look back throughout His Highnesses adventures he has been respectfully known as Baby Bowser, like in Yoshi's Island, Yoshi's Story, and Partners in Time. Those glimpses are of the Koopa King's childhood. Bowser Junior is his son and wasn't introduced until recently at Delfino Isle. Two totally different koopas yet so similar, eh Your Nastiness?

**Bowser**: Er….yea. Whatever she said.

Kammy: Let's move on, shall we?

"_Here's some questions Bowser._

1) You think you can beat Donkey Kong's butt?

2) When you're dead which one of your kids becomes King/Queen?

_3) How do you feel about-"_

Erm……Yes. Answer those, Your Highness.

**Bowser:** Uh….ok. Course I can beat Donkey Breath's butt. Please. I'm so much stronger than banana for brains. And smarter too. And HEY. What's this talk about me dying huhn?! I'm not ever gonna die!! You plannin' on something, huhn?!

Kammy: Sire, I just think the fan means SHOULD ever something happen to you. Say that you die, and we're not able to bring you back…

**Bowser**: You BETTER be able to bring me back!! But if you put it like that…if I'm ever not there, Kamek usually takes over.

Kammy: What if he were to die, sire?

**Bowser:** WHAT'S ALL THIS TALK ABOUT PEOPLE DYING?!

Kammy: Just curiousness I suppose, sire.

**Bowser:** Well if everyone starts keelin' over, Ludwig's the oldest and the Crown Prince, so he would hafta step up to the plate. BUT SINCE THAT AIN'T HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON, DROP IT!!

Kammy: Erm of course sire…..*hastily crumples the paper*

**Bowser:** Hey…wasn't there a third question? You said three…

Kammy: Erm. N-no. There wasn't. Nope. That was all. Nothing else to see, sire.

**Bowser:** Then why'd you crumple it up? Huhn?! Give it to me, lemme see, haggy!

Kammy: NO!

**Bowser:** *raises his eyebrows in surprise* ….What's gotten into YOU all of a sudden, haggy?

Kammy: N-nothing! Stay back! There's nothing else. It'll only anger you sire. I don't want to die today!!

**Bowser:** Come ON, hag stew, lemme see it! Give it here!! *swipes at it*

Kammy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *ducks and flies out of the room on her broom*

**Bowser:** What the hell, haggy!! You SAID I gotta answer anything! I ain't afraid of no stinkin' question! Read it to me now.

Kammy: *peeks head in nervously* Do you promise not to kill me, as I read it, Your Violentness?

**Bowser:** Yea, fine, whatever. * rolls eyes*

Kammy: O-ok…….here…..g-goes……

_"3) How do you feel about the Mario/Bowser yaoi(guy love) fanfics?"_

_-The Shroom Guy_

**Bowser: ***slowly turning redder, gritting his teeth*

Kammy: S……sire?!

**Bowser:** GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *covers the entire area with flames*

Kammy: Gack!!! I'm sorry I'm sorry I told you not to let me read it!!! *putting out the flames on her robe*

**Bowser:** I'MGONNAKILLYOUHAGGY!!!!!!

Kammy: BUT SIRE!! I didn't even write it!

**Bowser:** You READ it!!!!

Kammy: BUT YOU TOLD ME TO!

**Bowser:** I'M GONNA KILL YOU! AND-AND WHOEVER THIS SHROOM GUY IS!!

Kammy: No Your Murderousness! Please, calm down!! I beg you! He merely was curious!!

**Bowser:** Oh yea? Is he CURIOUS about what would happen if my FIST reaches his FACE?!

Kammy: SIRE! Please, please!! He just wants to know your feelings on it….t-that's all!!

**Bowser**: REALLY? How's THIS for a feeling on that, huhn?! *gestures to the destroyed room*

Kammy: I think you've made yourself quite clear on that issue, Y-your Scaryness.

**Bowser:** I'm in a TERRIBLE mood thanks to you, haggy. I'm goin' to bed!! *stomps out of the room*

Kammy: …..*sighs* I told him not to make me read it. Gah. Thanks to all who've wrote in. And I'm sorry Mister Shroom Guy. Perhaps that last one wasn't the best choice in wording. His Highness has a low….tolerence…level. Erm. Please continue to send questions in. Preferably ones that don't get me killed.


	5. The Shell Adds a Few Pounds!

Kammy: Good morning, afternoon, evening, night folks! Since the last interview, our King has much since calmed down after a nice nap, and the punching of a few goombas. Hopefully we won't have a repeat. I'm exhausted from cleaning up this room…

**Bowser:** They don't wanna hear about how HARD your job is, McHagitha!

Kammy: *sighs* No of course not, sire. Anywho. Feeling better Your Crankiness?

**Bowser:** Yea, I guess.

Kammy: Ready for some more questions, sire?

**Bowser:** Not rea-

Kammy: Good to hear! On we go!

"_Why did you try to convince Jr. that Princess Peach was his mother? Oh, and why is Kooky's/Ludwig's voice so freaking high in "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3" show?"_

_-LOTW_

**Bowser: **Well Jr. was still an egg when his mom left. So when he hatched he was….erm…well…mom-less. And all my other kids were going through a tough time, and they kept mentioning how much they missed their mom. And when Jr. got a little older, he asked me if he had a mom. I didn't have the heart to tell him she left before he even hatched. So I started to think about the nicest person I knew, who'd seem like a really good mom to him, and of course I thought of Peachy.

Kammy: But then he sort of found out anyway, hm, sire?

**Bowser:** Yea, but at least he doesn't ask anymore. He seems pretty happy with just 'Mama Peach.'

Kammy: Hm. Also, I don't think you've ever seen that show, have you sire?

**Bowser:** Nope. I don't really have a lot of time to watch T.V.

Kammy: I don't think His Highness could control the voices chosen for characters in a television show.

**Bowser:** Sure I could, if I cared.

Kammy: Onwards we press, Your Uncaringness!

"_Your Awfulness, I have a few questions I'd like to ask._

1. How come even Princess Peach can kick your butt?  
2. How come you don't turn into Giga Bowser any more? Bet that'd kick Mario's butt.  
3. This is kinda random, but do you play any Mario games yourself?

That's all I can think of for now, thanks for your time :) "

_-Hyper_Blossom2105_

**Bowser: **Truth is, I just LET Peachy think she can kick my butt. Heh heh. See, it ain't gentleman like if you raise a hand to a lady. And I would never seriously try to hit Peach. Now Daisy on the other hand, I'd hit her. Cuz she's not really a girl.

Kammy: You really don't like her do you, Your Biasedness? Heh heh.

**Bowser:** Well cuz she doesn't like me! Which I could really care less about. And for my Giga, it's complicated. Like Kammy said before, it takes a lot of magic to power my already awesomeness up, and without anything already powerful fusing with me-

Kammy: Like the smash orb.

**Bowser:** Yea, like that, it isn't gonna last for a long time. I mean, you've seen how long it lasts even WITH the smash orb. But it's ok. I can still kick Meatballs around anytime I want to. I don't need a stinkin' power up to do that!

Kammy: Speaking of kicking 'Meatballs'…

**Bowser:** I wouldn't play any of HIS games, not even if you PAID me. One, cuz I'm already rich, and TWO, I have my OWN games that I play. Why would I wanna play as my arch rival anyway? What a boring game that would be. Fix some toilets. Eat some pasta. Pft. No thanks.

Kammy: Oh yes, quite a boring game indeed, sire!

"_Great Koopa King! Favorite food! Tacos or pizza?"_

_-Sid_

**Bowser:** Finally, an easy one! While both are a part of my daily diet, they ain't my favorites. Personally the hottest and spiciest chicken that can be fried up, would be my absolute favorite. I'm talkin' fused with MAGMA kinda chicken.

Kammy: You certainly like it hot, don't you, Your Hotness?

**Bowser:** ……*stares at her for a few seconds* Yea.

Kammy: *suddenly realizes* Erm. I mean. Eh heh.

**Bowser:** Great, even my magikoopa are hitting on me now. *grins*

Kammy: I didn't mean it like that, Your Craziness!

**Bowser:** Bwa ha ha! Don't be shy, haggy. But don't get your hopes up.

Kammy: AGH! Let us move ON shall we? Why I never….

_"I have some more questions for you King Bowser!_

1) Why don't you wear any pants?

2) Why are you such a jerk to Kammy?

3) Why did you go into such a rage when I asked about the Mario/Bowser?

4) Think you can lose a few pounds!?"

_-The Shroom Guy_

**Bowser: **Him again?! I don't wear pants cuz I don't NEED to! I have a giant shell on! Hello!

Kammy: His Pantslessness is decent, thank you!

**Bowser:** And I'm not a jerk to haggy. She just screws up a lot. It's her job to cater to me.

Kammy: His Highness is most right. Plus, I don't know how I'd feel if he treated me any other way then he does now.

**Bowser:** I can't be all soft on her! What would my troops think if I treated my minions different from each other?

Kammy: I would not want Your Firmness to look like a softie, sire.

**Bowser:** And what is it with this pairing thing?! I HATE Mario. If I could materialize all my hatred for him, it would wrap itself around the universe a gazillion times!! That's sick. And wrong. And SICK. And it pisses me off just THINKING that there are loonies out there who would even THINK about writing sick stuff like that!! Grr….Kammy, you better hunt these people down! Got it?!

Kammy: On my to-do list, Your Infuriatedness!

**Bowser:** And EXCUSE me?! Drop a few pounds?! I'm not even fat!

Kammy: His Highnesses weight is proportional to his height! Plus his shell adds a few…extra…numbers.

**Bowser:** I'm not fat!! It's MUSCLE. ALL OF IT.

Kammy: That's right! His Buffness is completely…er…well….buff!

**Bowser:** Bwahhh, give me another question haggy, before I hunt this guy down!

Kammy: Will do, sire!

"_I got another set of questions and here they come:_

1. What is your favorite episode in "The Adventures of Super Mario 5: The Series" and why did you like it?

2. What's your favorite course in Mario Kart Wii?

3. How do you breathe fire?

4. What's your favorite minigame in the Mario Party series?

5. In Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, what is your favorite catchphrase?

And last but not least: How can you make yourself stronger in various Mario games?

If you want to know these questions, answer them now!

And thanks for this next set, you are amazing!"

_-dragon19kyoshi_

**Bowser: **Never heard of it.

Kammy: It's a story of different episodes, sire.

**Bowser:** Uh, I thought we went over this, I ain't big on reading.

Kammy: Of course, sire. I for one though, loved episode 19. I'd like to see you light the cauldron for the Darklandian Olympics, if we ever have them sire.

**Bowser:** Well COURSE. I mean, gotta get it regulated and all. But it'll happen. Anyways. I really like my castle course in the special cup. And the fire breath? It's kinda technical. So I'll let Kammy explain it.

Kammy: While the existence of dragonkoopas are still a mystery, we're certain that the ability to breathe fire is because of ancient magic. While the magic is too great for modern day magikoopas to understand, at least we've uncovered the technical way of how the dragonkoopa store and use fire. It all has to do with a buildup of methane gases in the lower intestines.

**Bowser:** ….*yawns*

Kammy: While in most creatures, the gas would exit thorough the intestines, in dragonkoopa it's carried off through a separate circulatory system in which it's stored for later use. In their mouths, there are small glands that house the gas, much like in poisonous snakes, and from there the gas can be expelled at any given time. Also located in the mouth are sort of electric nodes, like in eels. The charge isn't so much deadly though, only needing to create a spark to ignite the gas.

**Bowser:**… ZzZz….

Kammy: Erm…perhaps I got a bit carried away. Your Sleepiness…wake up….*pokes his snout*

**Bowser:** H-hurm? Huh? Is it over? You bored me to sleepsville, haggy. *yawns*

Kammy: I feel a bit embarrassed. Sorry, sire.

**Bowser:** Uh huh…where was I….? I don't even…remember now.

Kammy: Your…favorite…minigame, sire?

**Bowser:** OH. Right. Uh. I'm a sucker for the classics. So Platform Peril was always one of my favorites. I mean, it's hilarious seeing Mario plummet outta the sky, even if he was totally never in any real danger. Unfortunately.

Kammy: And favorite catch phrase?

**Bowser:** Showtime, definitely. *grins*

Kammy: And the last one we've sort of answered in a previous question…

**Bowser:** Yea, it's, for the third time, magikoopa magic.

Kammy: Handled with grace. You're really getting the hang of this question thing, eh sire?

**Bowser:** Kinda.

Kammy:

"_It's me again, lordship...  
2 questions:_

the heck did you get so big on Isle Delfino?

do you think of Gooper Blooper, King Boo and Ol' Petey Piranha?

By the way, your better than Mario. You can shoot 10x as much fire as he can!"

**Bowser: **Magic. Man, I gotta keep telling you kids. It's not like I'm always that huge, ya know.

Kammy: Er…..right, Your….Not-Huge-ness.

**Bowser:** Just what are you trying to say?!

Kammy: Heh heh. Nothing, Your Burliness.

**Bowser:** And King Boo sucks.

Kammy: Good heavens, sire.

**Bowser:** We're not exactly friends. King Boo ain't in anything to gratify anyone else. He does his own thing, for himself, and for his pack of sissy ghosts. As for Petey….he's….uh…..weird. He kinda creeps me out. A giant walking flower in a pair of boxers ain't exactly somethin' I wanna see in my troopa squad.

Kammy: It's something I wouldn't want to see on a regular basis, sire.

**Bowser:** And of course I'm better than Mario. When'd you figure THAT out?

Kammy: Thanks so much to all of the fans and their questions! We look forward to more! You know what to do!


	6. The Kids Want In!

Kammy: Good heavens sire, are you sure you're feeling up to questions today?

**Bowser:** Yea, yea, 'mfine.

Kammy: His Highness has been feeling a little tired today.

**Bowser:** No I haven't. I'm fine, just shut up about it.

Kammy: *whispers* His Routyness was up all night playing video games.

**Bowser:** I WAS NOT!!

Kammy: Oh you're so child-like, sire. *grins*

**Bowser:** Stop makin' me sound so lame! I was TRYIN' to beat Roy in Guitar Hero and I can't help it if the kid practiced more than me. I got a lot on my plate!

Kammy: Of course Your Rockn'Rollness.

**Bowser:** Bahh. Shut up and read the questions!

Kammy: Which is it sire, shall I shut up, or shall I read?

**Bowser:** You know what I mean!!

Kammy:

_"__I know you want to answer everything so... here are 5 more. Starting with..._

1. How many times did you use your fire breath on Mario & friends?

2. What is your favorite Bowser Minigame in Mario Party 7?

3. What is your final attack with Dark Bowser so he can be defeated in Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story?

4. Which Mario Party game did you like the least?

And finally: What is your favorite event in Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games & why did you like it?

Go on Bowser... answer away!"

_ -dragon19kyoshi_

**Bowser:** What am I, your dog? I'll answer whenever I feel like it!

Kammy: Well you did sort of promise you'd answer every question…

**Bowser: **….Fine. I don't know the EXACT number of times I've fried Spaghetti-Head. Prolly thousands. And Tunnel of Lava is my favorite. And what is this, a quiz? How the heck am I supposed to know my "final" attack?! I was so mad I started punching the guy and he exploded! And I don't like any of the Mario Parties, which is why I try to wreck them as much as I can. Seriously, any party labeled after Mustachio-brains can't be a fun one. And my favorite event? Hmm……I like the hammer throw. I get to show off all my crazy awesome muscles and throwing skills. Heh heh.

Kammy: And most impressive you are, sire.

_ "Dear BowziE,_

HAHA, its funny how tragic your life, always being thrawted by plumers, I could not help but ask you a question or two,

Have you ever gone to jail, you know theres a little crime out the called rape!

and if you did go the jail, did you drop the soap"

signed  
Kane

**Bowser:** BOWZIE? I'm not a GIRL you know!!

Kammy: Heh heh, I think it's rather cute, sire.

**Bowser:** CUTE? Are you waiting for a punch in the gut, haggy?

Kammy: Erm….n-no, Your Not-Cuteness.

**Bowser:** And the tragedies of my life aren't funny!! And no I've never gone to jail!! I don't…I'm not….who do you people think I am?! A convict?!

Kammy: One could only surmise, sire…

**Bowser:** This is weird. Read the next question Kammy, before I hurl or somethin'.

Kammy: Yes, Your Nauseas-ness!

_"Why exctly are you doing this question thing? Did you lose a bet? Or did Kammy just convince you to do it?_

_ -LOTW_

**Bowser:** I'm wonderin' the same thing myself actually…

Kammy: His Highness didn't lose any bets. He just wants to answer the unknown.

**Bowser:** Eh?! No I don't. I don't even remember saying I wanted to do this at all.

Kammy: O-of course you did, sire. *looks around nervously* This was your idea.

**Bowser:** Doesn't sound like an idea I'd come up with…

Kammy: Er, moving on!!

_"Hello, your lordship._

1. Have you and your children ever sat down together and had a conversation that didn't end (or start) with punishments or hate being spewed?

2. What is the song you hate the most?

3. CAN you believe its not butter?

Bye."

_ -Warets_

**Bowser:** Hey, my kids might bicker, and I might bicker WITH my kids, but nobody hates each other. I mean, realistically when you're livin' with 8 people all different ages with all different interests, it can get pretty ugly sometimes. It happens.

Kammy: Certainly. You'd have to be crazy NOT to let it bother you at one point.

**Bowser:** Er…I guess. And songs? I don't really listen to much music…

Kammy: You really don't get out much, do you Your Highness?

**Bowser:** I don't have the time! All I hear is that racket my kids put on in their rooms. I know one of 'em listens to that robot sounding stuff.

Kammy: Techno, sire.

**Bowser:** Yea, and Wendy listens to that pop and hip hop crap...and those…boy band things. All the girls go crazy for those.

Kammy: They are quite "delicious" as Wendy puts it, sire.

**Bowser:** Uh…Ludwig listens to that classical stuff. Then there's Larry….I don't know what the heck he listens to. Somebody has that noisy grunge garbage on all the time.

Kammy: Certainly gets to be very noisy, sire.

**Bowser:** You know, I dunno. I guess. I don't like that stuff with the hard bass. I got enough of a headache as it is. I don't need to hear BOOM BOOM BOOM every 5 seconds, shakin' the hell outta my castle.

Kammy: Oh my, poor sire.

**Bowser:** And CAN I believe it's not butter? No. I can't. Next question.

Kammy: Right!

_"I have more questions for you!_

1) Why are there two seperate Bowsers? (One's alive and the other's Dry Bowser) And if it's magic then where the hell did you get the bones?

2) In New Super Mario Bros. Wii you got your ** handed to you by Green Stache and two toads. How does that make you feel?

3) How you do feel about being in the bottom teir In Super Smash Bros Brawl? (In case you don't know, a teir is a rank system and you are at the bottom.)

4) Think you're a better villain than Ganondorf? You know the guy in Super Smash Bros Brawl who shot you with a Dark Gun and turned you into a trophy.

5) How do you feel about The Shroom Guy? Give me an honest answer!"

_ -The Shroom Guy_

**Bowser:** Back for more, eh, Shroomie? Well the other me, the creepy bony me, was made outta magic in the lava. Kammy ordered the magikoopa to lace it, so instead of bringing me back to life, I'd just be a skeleton. In other words, the bones were mine. Kammy eventually had to uh…mix up somethin' to bring me back to life, since I didn't want to be a skeleton forever. But then I thought maybe it'd be a good idea to have a bony me runnin' around. So afterwards we just took apart some Dry Bones and used their bones to animate another me.

Kammy:It's kind of terrifying though. We keep the "creepy sire" in the dungeon.

**Bowser:** Yea, he's kind of creepy. But good to have. And Green Stache wouldn't be able to do anything if Mario wasn't always holding his hand. So that's what I feel. And being at the bottom ain't a bad thing. Means I'm the heaviest. THE HEAVIEST OUTTA ALL THEM LIGHT WEIGHTS, BWA HA HA!!

Kammy: I don't think His Highness understands the ranking system…

**Bowser:** And Gammondork? Seriously, this is the second time someone's brought him up, who is he again?

Kammy: Oh sire, did you hit your head again?

**Bowser:** No! I just don't remember anyone who ain't worth my time! *rubs at head and grumbles* But I did hit it this morning getting out of bed….

Kammy: Your lack of sleep combined with your daily concussions cannot be good for His Senile-ness.

**Bowser:** NOT SENILE!! And how do I FEEL about Shroom Guy? I don't. He asks weird questions.

Kammy:

_"then how come dedede kicked your ** during subspace emissary,  
and second are you a turtle or an armadillo?"_

_ -taxidriver28_

**Bowser:** He didn't.

Kammy: Sire is in denial.

**Bowser:** No I'm not. My leg hurt that day. I think I pulled it.

Kammy: You seemed in perfect condition to me-

**Bowser:** ENDOFSUBJECT!! And I'm neither! I'm a koopa! Thus why my name is Bowser Koopa. And my title. King of Koopas. Are we seeing some kind of pattern here, kid?

Kammy: Technically you're a sub-species of koopa. Dragonkoopa.

**Bowser:** Stop getting technical! Read something else, haggy!

Kammy: Aye-aye sire!

_"I've got some questions for you, Your Highness!_

1) In adventure tour of Mario and Sonic At The Olympic Winter Games, how do you feel about teaming up with Sonic's arch rival, Dr. Eggman?

2) Who's the second-in-command of your troop: Army Hammer Bro. (from Super Princess Peach), Kammy Koopa or Kamek?

3) If Mario and Luigi didn't existed, what would you do if you succeeded in taking over the Mushroom Kingdom?

4) I know this is a bit random but can you sing? A song called "Rule The World" by a British band called Take That seems to suit you well. Maybe you should sing this to Peach some day and try to swoon her.

5) And lastly, I've noticed that Mario keeps on fighting for Peach, no matter what, and when it comes to saving her and what world or area he's in, for him quitting's not an option. So maybe, try not to give in whenever you're fighting against Mario, have you ever tried faking your death or pretending to give up?

That is all. Can you please answer them?"  
~Flower

**Bowser:** Well since you asked all nicely and stuff. And I don't really feel anything from Egghead. He's not really very diabolical. And he smells funny.

Kammy: Like hard boiled eggs….

**Bowser:** He _smells_ like fart.

Kammy: Methane gases, sire. Goodness.

**Bowser:** Whatever. He smells like a nasty fart. And my second-in-command? Depends on what you're talkin' 'bout. Second-in-command of my throne is Kamek, if anything happens to me. If you mean my armies, Army Hammer Bro only commands the hammer bros. division. I got a lot of different troop divisions, mind you. And what would I do if I took over the Mushroom Kingdom? Uhm. I'd be extremely happy. And then I'd totally throw all of the toads into a pit of lava.

Kammy: Aw, don't be so cruel Your Wretchedness.

**Bowser:** Fine. I'll give 'em a chance to scramble first and THEN I'll hunt 'em down and throw them into the lava. BWA HA HA!!

Kammy: Oh sire, so nasty and vile as usual. *grins*

**Bowser:** And it's not the question of can I sing, but should I? I've tried to sing to Peachy before. I ain't the best. Ludwig tested me once. I think I'm tone deaf. Oh well. It's the thought that counts, right haggy?

Kammy: You could prepare the princess next time by bringing her a set of earplugs, sire.

**Bowser:** Shut up! I think it's endearing. And yea, Sauce-Face would even go to space and back. In fact, he HAS. He's relentless. All I ask is for Peach to give me a chance, and every single time I think we're gettin' somewhere, Noodles-for-brains comes up and ruins EVERYTHING. I don't ever pretend to give up. I gotta fight for my woman.

Kammy: So valiant, sire.

**Bowser:** He cheats. 'Least I'm an honest fighter.

Kammy: Erm….yea. Of course. Sire.

**Bowser:** What? I am!!

Kammy: This next question…oh my.

**Bowser**: Don't try to change the subject, haggy!

Kammy: Perhaps you'd better hear this one, sire.

_"So, when are you planning to kidnap the princess again and take over the mushroom Kingdom? I'm booked until Friday, so I won't be available to defeat you before then :) "_

_ -Mario_

**Bowser:** WHAAAAT?! MARIO?! You didn't tell me HE was gonna write in!! That little mustachioed punk!!

Kammy: I didn't know he had a computer, sire.

**Bowser:** ….Well if he's booked until Friday we oughta attack the castle tomorrow.

Kammy: Sire! You're booked too! Doing this questionnaire!

**Bowser:** Aww…but…I…

Kammy: Oh please don't pout Your Vileness.

**Bowser:** I WASN'T!! I just thought I'd take advantage of the stupid Mushroom-Chomper-Face!

Kammy: Mushroom…Chomper…Face, sire?

**Bowser:** …..*grumbles and crosses arms*

Kammy: Sire, you can kidnap the princess anytime. You promised to do this. You have other affairs besides kidnapping and wreaking havoc on the Mushroom Kingdom!

**Bowser:** *sighs* I GUESS. But kidnapping and wreaking havoc is a lot more fun…

Kammy: Cheer up, sire! *pats his leg* It'll be loads of fun next week! Shall we tell your fans the good news?

**Bowser:** What news? Oh. Right. Uh. My kids are really curious about this…thing I'm doing. And a few of 'em wanted to come on and try their hand at answering stuff. And I guess just hang out and see what I'm doin'. BUT I AIN'T BRINGIN' 'EM ALL ON AT ONCE!! I SERIOUSLY don't want a headache that early in the day.

Kammy: So which koopaling will you pick first, sire?

**Bowser:** I don't know. Jr. will cry if I don't pick him first, prolly…

Kammy: I'd hate to see him cry, sire.

**Bowser:** So do I. It's annoying as hell.

Kammy: Well fans, you've heard it for yourselves, prepare yourself for a special guest! Bowser's 8th son, Junior will be joining us next time, so maybe you'd like to prepare a few questions for the lil' guy too, eh?


	7. The Crying Is Minimal!

Kammy: Welcome everyone, yet again to the fascinating world of our Koopa King. As we delve inside his mind and pick apart his brainy thoughts.

Junior: Eww. That sounds nasty! I don't wanna pick up Papa's brains.

**Bowser:** *grumbles* Man this is gonna be a long day…

Junior: Papa when do I get to answer questions, huh?! I wanna answer them now!

**Bowser:** Pipe down, pipsqueak. You'll get a turn.

Kammy: Quite right, little princeling!

_"__If Bowser has more questions from me. Well, here they come, more questions from dragon19kyoshi._

Let's start with: How do you start a race in my favorite game Mario Kart Wii?

2. Which game in your career did you like the most?

3. In 'Yoshi and Bowser's Perfect Cannon Game', what is the game did you & Yoshi invent?

4. Who is your favorite enemy?

5. What is your best moment in Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story?

6. With New Super Mario Bros. Wii coming out on Sunday, why did you appear at the end of the game?

And the last one is for Bowser Jr.: Why did you draw your handkerchief?"

Junior: Oooh, oooh! I wanna answer mine! Lemme answer!

**Bowser:** Geez, go ahead. *rolls eyes*

Junior: I drew on my kerchief 'cuz I'm a really good artist! And all the bandanas out there look ugly and all the same. So I thought that no one in the world would have one like mine, if I drew it myself! So I did. *beams proudly*

**Bowser:** Done spazzin'? Ok. And I start races like I start every morning. Fast.

Kammy: And furiously.

**Bowser:** It's hectic. And is this another one of those fan-fic-thingies?

Kammy: I believe it is, sire.

**Bowser:** Uhm yeah. I don't read.

Kammy: Well aware, sire.

**Bowser:** And my favorite enemy? Uh, you mean of MINE? How can you have a favorite enemy?

Kammy: I think he might be referring to your troops…

**Bowser:** Then they're not MY enemies, genius!

Kammy: Sire…

Bowser: Geez. None of 'em. Cuz they always fail.

Junior: YEAH. All of 'em SUCK.

Kammy: Such an inappropriate word, Princeling.

**Bowser**: That's my boy. *grins* And my best moment? BEIN' HUGE. Takin' on all those huge fortresses and stuff. I'm so awesome.

Junior: Go dad!! *pumps fists into the air*

**Bowser:** And why ruin it for my kids? They wanted to show me they were able to fight, so I let 'em. They try so hard.

Kammy: Quite right, a bunch of go-getters sire!

_"I ask weird question huh? Well then let's make them weirder!_

1) Why when you fight Mario you have a switch the destroys the bridge you two are standing on? Pretty dumb...

2) Do you live under a rock? Cause you seem to know absolutely nothing about the outside world.

3) How do feel about Rosalina or do you not know about her either?

4) Bowser Jr. is the youngest koopaling but he seems to be the leader. Is this true?

5) Since Bowser kidnaps Peach. Will Bowser Jr. kidnap Toadette?

P.S. Ganondorf is a man with the strenght of the Triforce of Power. He's named the King of Evil because he's so dangerous. And if you didn't know this then your fat $$ off of Guitar Hero and do some research!"

_ -The Shroom Guy_

**Bowser:** Shroom Guy. *glares*

Junior: Who's he, dad?

**Bowser:** ANNOYING. And that switch is MEANT for Mario. See, I'M the one who's supposed to be on the other side of the bridge, pressing the switch but he just happens to cheat and beat me to it. I didn't even DESIGN the stupid thing. *glares at Kammy*

Kammy: Wasn't me, sire!

**Bowser:** Yea, whatever. AND NO. I'm King of the freakin' Darklands! I don't have time to be runnin' around doin' stupid stuff like all you kids do. And I don't know anybody named Rosalina. And Junior? He just throws hissy fits a lot, and he happens to be the most annoying when he doesn't get his way.

Kammy: Thus why he gets his way.

Junior: I DO NOT!! Don't talk about me like that!

Kammy: See?

**Bowser:** And why would my kid kidnap a toad anyway? I mean, I'm assumin' Toadette's a toad, right? Yea. He wouldn't do that.

Junior: Eww, nasty. I don't want a nasty toad. *sticks out tongue*

**Bowser:** And fast ass, huhn? Insult me in front of my kid, will ya?! I'll show you, ya little piece of-

Kammy: YOUR CHILD, SIRE. Is in….the room.

**Bowser:** SO? It'll be a good lesson for him!

Kammy: Let's avoid violence for today, sire.

_"King Bowser, how do you feel about Mario and Peach's romantic relationship? And Bowser Jr., did you kidnap your Mama Peach in the New Super Mario Bros. Wii because you missed her or do you and your siblings just like watching the Toads shriek in horror?"_

_ -LOTW_

**Bowser:** Uh, you're JOKING right?! Peach doesn't like Garlic-Breath that way. I mean, WHY would she, when she's got ME. That's a joke.

Junior: THAT'S RIGHT. Mama Peach doesn't want a hairy bad man like Mario. My dad's way cooler. And I love seeing my Mama Peach, but she gets busy a lot. PLUS yea. I like it when the toads scatter!! *laughs*

**Bowser:** Course he does. Heh heh.

Kammy:

_"Dear BowzIe_

I'm just wondering if your such a good parent, have you had the talk with your kids.

And I dont mean no " ill beat you in gitaur hero" talk i mean the safe sex, where babies come from talk

Especially with your daughter, since you dont have a wife you explaning it to her would be funny

* Also my crazy bowzer loving COUSIN wanted me to ask you  
(OH MY GOD I CANT BELIVE IM ABOUT TO SAY THIS)

WILL YOU... (UH...GOD)

WILL YOU HAVE HER BABIES"

_ -Kincin The Great_

**Bowser:** *throws Junior out of the room and shuts the door* Ok, for ONE, he's kinda young to be HEARIN' that sort of crap.

Kammy: I don't know sire, he seems old enough…although this is a little….abrupt. Possibly not the best way to break the ice.

**Bowser:** Yea, it's not. And here we go with the "Bowzie" again.

Kammy: It's cute, sire. Heh heh.

**Bowser:** SHUT. UP. I don't want to be cute. That's sick. Wendy's got it covered….she's old enough to learn about that…erm…stuff from….other kids and crap. They're all old enough. I mean, they HAVE school ya know. What an awkward question. What the hell.

Kammy: You don't have to answer the end question sire. It must be uncomfortable. It's just fangirl-isms.

**Bowser:** Yea, whatever.

Junior: *banging on the other side of the door* LET ME BACK IN! I WANNA COME IN!! LET ME INNNNN!!

**Bowser:** GEEEEZ!! *abruptly opens the door, causing Junior to fall face first inside*

Junior: DAAAAAAAAAD. *whines*

**Bowser:** Man, you gotta SCREEN these questions before they come in Kammy!

Kammy: My apologies sire.

_"Right to questions..._

1. To Junior: How old are you anyways?

2. To Junior: What do you like to do when your not working with your father and siblings?

3. To both: How has your family treated you both as a child/now?

Have a nice day."

_ -Warets_

Junior: *pouts and crosses arms* I'm ten and three quarters!

**Bowser:** No you're not, you just turned ten, kid.

Junior: Don't call me kid! I'm not a kid!!

Kammy: His Correctness is correct. Your birthday wasn't long ago.

Junior: SHUT UP!! AM NOT! *huffs* And I like to draw. I'm good at drawing, everyone says so!!

**Bowser:** Yea yea. *rolls eyes* And I don't remember a whole lot of my uh…childhood, thing. I dunno.

Junior: Nobody listens to me!!

**Bowser:** *slaps a claw over his snout to shut him up* Uh huh. See what I gotta deal with all day? If it wasn't for school I'd go crazy, haggy.

Kammy: Crazier than you are now, sire? *grins*

**Bowser:** Oh yea, believe it.

Junior: Mmmph!!! *shoves his claw away* You're so unfair, dad!

Kammy: Onwards we press, Your Psychotic-ness!

"_This ones for Junior!_

So, little guy, What was it like on Isle Delfino?  
Was it wierd being covered in goop pretending to be Mario?  
Did you like it there?  
g'bye, small... mutated-Koopa-of-whom-I'm-not-sure-gave-birth-to-u-bcuz-your-mom-left-u-before-u-were-born! :D"

_ -Darkrai-risen_

Junior: I'M NOT LITTLE!!! *stomps his feet against the floor* I'm almost as tall as Larry now!! And it sucked! I hate Isle Delfino! And Mario sucks too! I only pretended to be him so I could get him into a lot of trouble. AND SCREW YOU!!

**Bowser:** I don't know where he learns this kind of crap…

Kammy: Oh I wonder, sire. *rolls eyes*

"_Bowser Jr., I have 2 questions and they are:_

1. Did you appear in Mario & Sonic for the 1st time?

2. Besides playing sports with your dad, what is your favorite exercise together with your dad?"

_ -dragon19kyoshi_

Junior: Oh you mean in the 'Lympics? It was ok. I had to wait till the winter one cuz I was trainin'. And I dunno. I like it when he makes plots with me, like against Mario and stuff.

Kammy: Good answers!

_"Thanks for answering my questions. Here are some new ones! :D_

For Bowser Jr.: Why do you still kidnap Peach even though she's not exactly your 'mama'?

For Bowser: Are you a lover or a fighter?

For Bowser Jr.: Why do you constantly hang around with your father and the Koopalings don't do the same anymore?

For Bowser: I've noticed in games like Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door for instance, a lot of ladies have been attracted to Mario lately and has become a babe magnet, are you one too?

And also... How do you celebrate your birthday?

And lastly... Do you throw your own parties if you don't like Mario's parties?

Please answer them if you've got the time, Your Highness. "

~Flowerstar

Junior: Uhm cuz she's really nice! And I like her cookies and cakes. And she's really fun to hang out with. But stupid Mario's always dragging her away and I don't like that.

**Bowser:** *grumbles* Neither do I. And how's this, I fight for my love.

Kammy: That's…oddly…poetic…sire?

**Bowser:** It sounded catchier in my head. Anyway. Since when is anything besides pasta ATTRACTED to Mustachio? He ain't a babe magnet. He's like two feet tall, what lady wants that? Course I'm a chick magnet. But I'd throw 'em all away for just once chance with Peach.

Junior: That's right, all you ladies take a hike, my dad's with Mama Peach!

**Bowser:** And my birthday's a national HOLIDAY. I mean, my regular existence should be a holiday every day, I think. But it's great. Best day ever. Everyone gives me stuff. Not that they shouldn't give me stuff all the time. So yea, my parties rock, and Mushroom-Face's doesn't. He doesn't know how to have a good time. Believe it or not, not everyone likes pasta, Meatball-head.

Junior: And dad likes me best, which is why he spends the most time with me.

**Bowser:** Psh. Yea. Ok. *sarcastic*

Junior: IT'S TRUE!!

**Bowser:** Or you just cry a lot if I don't. The other kids are older so I guess they're not as dependent. I dunno. Makes it easier on ME though. All I gotta do is find this one a hobby or a friend or somethin'. Get him off my back.

Junior: NAAAH. *sticks out tongue* I'd rather hang out with you, dad! I like bein' mean to Mario.

**Bowser:** Heh heh. 'Atta boy.

Kammy: I'd say this went over pretty well, didn't it, Your Awfulness? See? It wasn't so bad.

**Bowser:** One down. We'll see how the next one goes. At least we got off with minimal crying this time.

Junior: I DON'T cry!!

Kammy: Who do we have to look forward to next time, sire?

**Bowser:** Uhh…well prolly. Larry. Yea. He's not as spastic as the rest. And by rest I mean…Morton and….Iggy... I think I'll hafta get a LOT of sleep before those two come on.

Kammy: Larry it is sire! Join us next time, and perhaps think up a few questions for our little blue-haired prince, hm?


	8. The Benefits Are Plenty!

Kammy: We welcome you, on the most joyous day of His Weirdnesses life. His children have made him so proud.

**Bowser:** Kinda anyway.

Larry: Why only kinda, King Dad?

**Bowser:** Well it would have made me MORE proud if you actually beat Mario, but then again even your ol' dad has his off days, so I shouldn't be one to talk.

Larry: I was close, I swear. Well. Not really. Kinda. Better than the first time I ever went against him though!

Kammy: Ah yes, little Larry was but a baby then. So cute and evil. Shall we go on to question asking?

"_Here's some more questions. I've decided to stop making fun of you...for now._

1) You kicked Midbus's butt twice! Ever thought of making him become your servant?

2) What's it like to be considered the strongest being alive?

3) Did you ever have to protect you crown from other koopas who wanted to be king? If you have explain.

4) Ever thought of rebuilding your Galaxy Reactor? That was your best plan ever."

_-The Shroom Guy  
_

**Bowser:** FINALLY, some normal questions. And yea if I can kick the guy's ass, then I wouldn't want him as MY servant. He's an idiot! A real hack. Wouldn't even think twice about puttin' him on my troop's squad. And what's it like? AWESOME. And no, never did. I was an only kid. Well kinda anyway. I have….a….sister thing.

Kammy: You have a sister?! You've never mentioned her before, sire!

Larry: Whoa…I have an aunt?

**Bowser: **Bahhh!! She's younger than me. I didn't know her. I don't really talk to her!

Kammy: How many secrets His Craftiness must have locked away…

**Bowser:** Stop musing it over! She's nothing. I don't even- SHUT UP!! Stop thinking about it, just forget it! Moving on. Anyway. Yea my galaxy reactor WAS my greatest idea and I might redo it. But for the most part I like to keep comin' up with different stuff. Gives Ol' Stache-Face a new set of challenges, eh?

Kammy: Sire has a sister….huh….

_"__This is great story and now... new questions!_

The first one is for Larry: How do you get the name Cheatsy Koopa in The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3 & Super Mario World?

This one is for the Koopa King: What Special Attack did you use in Mario & Luigi Bowser's Inside Story??

Larry: How many times did you appear as a Koopaling?

For Bowser: Which arena did you like the most in Super Smash Bros. Brawl?

My next question is for Larry: Why did you like Roy Koopa?

And the last one is for the both of you: Which countdown sequence did you like the most in the Mario Kart series?

If you have more from me, I'll tell you!"

_-dragon19kyoshi_

Larry: Oh. Uh. I didn't write the show. So whatever name they gave uh…me, I guess was their idea.

**Bowser:** What's this show everyone always writes in about, huhn?!

Larry: It's a show based off US, King Dad.

**Bowser:** Whoa, really? When'd that happen?

Larry: I dunno. Few years ago?

**Bowser:** Man I'm outta the loop. And special attacks? I had lots. I loved lighting my goomba squad on fire. That'll teach 'em. Heh heh.

Larry: Uhhhh. In the games? I….I dunno. I don't really play them all. I know I'm in Superstar Saga. And 'course…SMB3. And Yoshi's Safari. Right? Yea. I haven't kept track. Sorry. *grins*

**Bowser:** Huh. I kinda liked Hyrule Temple. It's pretty spacey. I mean, lots of room. Oh, and Norfair cuz, GUESS WHY. Lava.

Larry: Roy? Uh. I guess I like him as much as I like my other siblings. He's ok, when he's not…y'know…pounding my face in. And I don't race. I get kinda car-sick.

Kammy: Face pounding is pretty serious.

_"__Do you think that every single problem you have can be traced back to Peach?_

Example: Bowser's Inside Story: the Dark Star wouldn't have ever been an issue had it not been for Peach.  
Example: You wouldn't die over and over if Peach weren't included.

Are you seeing a pattern?"

_-jade304_

**Bowser:** Yea but the real question is, is it worth it? And yea, it is. Every death, pummeling, and defeat by Pasta-Breath is worth the few moments I have with Peachy every time I kidnap her.

Larry: Y'know you wouldn't get pummeled so often if you let Ludwig and Iggy build you a mecha suit.

**Bowser:** NO SUITS. NOT AGAIN. The last time I let those two "make" me something it blew up in my face twice as hard as anything Mustache could've dished out. No thanks.

Kammy: I remember that day and I do not look forward to a repeat of ripping His Highness out of the wall again.

_"__dear BOWZER_

There i said your name right, kay

Time for bussiness, and my bussiness is to make you uncomfortable, very uncomfortable!( Dont be afraid to cry a litte)

First question! In smash bros, did nintendo make your moves or did you actually have those moves and asked for them ( a shell spin,belly flop, FIRE breath and a demonic transformation, very *original* sarcastic)

Second, why do you have such a beef on luigi, and if you dont remember who that is its mr. greenstache. Are you mad cause he gave you such a whippin when he was Mr L.

Third,what do you see in peach, Shes a stick up,prepy,dumb blond, with a small chest and tiny booty. Hey how about me and you hit the town tonight, Well go clubbin, meet some ladies,get some burgers, Hey I'll by you a drink. Dont forget the girls just love a big stong man in a shell, I know im related to a Bowzer fan girl

Lastly why did your wife leave you, you look like the type that can keep a lady... well...besides peach, but thats pasta boy's fault

And just one more, yes its a sexual question, so you might want to get the little kidies and koopas out of the room

It takes canolie brain a while to reach the castle with the princess. So in that mean time have you ever you know... get some fruit, eat some peach cobbler, add a little of your man cream to her peaches

You know what im talking about... Do you...you dont... HAVE YOU HAD SEX WITH THE PRINCESS

THERE I SAID IT, its a good thing this is a rated teen, otherwise i would have caused you to get kicked off the network a long time ago

Signed,  
KIncin the great,  
aka Kane  
aka the one person more in your gril than the Shroom Guy (who probably enjoys marioxbowser fanficts)

**Bowser:** *grumbles* STILL didn't spell my name right. And don't diss on my attacks! Psh, what can you do? Put on a slap fight? HAH. Green Stache ain't got nothin' on me, so don't even use our names in the same SENTENCE together. And don't be dissin' on Peach!! She's the prettiest girl out there, and I oughta slug you for that one!!

Larry: *bursts out laughing* She asked you out for a date too, King Dad.

**Bowser:** I know, what nerve right?! No thanks. I'll take a rain check on that one.

Larry: *still recovering* Ewwww, she even asked what you and Peach do all day.

Kammy: Sire, it's inappropriate, you DON'T have to answer!!

**Bowser:** Psh. *turning red* Like I would've even thought about answering.

Kammy: I'm sure the princess wouldn't appreciate being referred to in this manner either, sire.

Larry: *still laughing*

**Bowser:** HEY, SHUT UP!! *glares at Larry* It's NOT funny.

Larry: *stares up at him wide-eyed* Yes, sir! *salutes*

**Bowser:** KAMMY, I SAID TO SCREEN THESE THINGS!!

Kammy: Hmph. Well I didn't have time, Your Laziness as I had to clean up the MESS you made fighting Mario the other day. It's not easy to fix castle walls that you've plowed through, sire.

I'm back with more questions! :D

_"For Bowser: Does your son Ludwig speak in a German accent or he doesn't and speak some German words?_

For Larry: What do you do in your spare time besides spending some quality time with your family?

Also... what genres of music or what kind of songs do you listen to?

For Bowser: Why do you keep on kidnapping Princess Peach? Is there are reason behind it besides loving her?

For Larry: In an episode of "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3", what do you listen to besides the music you've listened on your personal music device when you weren't paying attention to Bowser?

For Bowser: What do you do besides kidnapping Peach and causing havoc on her kingdom?

And finally... Where did your children come from? Did you wish for them or came from their mother biologically?

I'm very curious and I want to know the answers, can you please answer them if you're not occupied with other things?"

~Flowerstar

**Bowser:** Ludwig? I don't uh…understand him half the time, so I guess that'd be an accent. Yea.

Larry: You don't understand him 'cuz he uses three-or-more syllable WORDS, King Dad.

**Bowser:** *glares* Makin' fun of me? I guess someone wants their privileges taken away.

Larry: Uh….n-no King Dad I was….no….*looks down*

**Bowser:** Uh huh, that's what I thought. Now go ahead and answer.

Larry: Uh….I like music. And computer games. That's really kind of…it. I like techno stuff. And game soundtracks.

**Bowser:** The robot crap's comin' out of your room then, eh?

Larry: Dad, it's techno. *rolls eyes*

**Bowser:** Yea, and ANNOYING. And uh..while there are plenty of benefits that come along with kidnapping Peachy, like she's a princess, and owns a castle, and owns a kingdom, and owns lots of land with resources I could totally use, and she rules over people I could totally enslave, it's mostly all wrapped up in the basket that I like to call love.

Larry: Haven't really seen the show, but if it's based off of me, and it does sound a lot like something I'd do…*snickers* I'm assuming techno.

**Bowser:** And when I'm not kidnapping Peach 87% of the time, I'm ruling my own kingdom, which is a huge responsibility.

Larry: And raising us, cuz we always get into trouble.

Kammy: And making me miserable, because His Highness likes to do so.

**Bowser:** It's entertaining. *grins* And man, do I gotta explain the whole "where babies come from" to you? C'mon now. I ain't your dad.

Kammy: Think she's referring to the process in which koopalings are born sire, not when they're erm…conceived.

**Bowser:** Uh, well. It happens like…it happens with everybody. And then they uh…come out….erm….as eggs.

Larry: *turns the music on his player up and shifts uncomfortably*

Kammy: Right, and the eggs are laced with magic.

**Bowser:** Yea, and uh…depending on what color they are…kinda determines what kinda koopa they'll be. If they'll be a hammer bro, or a paratroopa, or a regular koopa…

Kammy: Or a dragonkoopa, sire!

**Bowser:** Yea. So I guess some magic's involved.

Kammy: It's a wonderful thing, sire. *toothy grin*

_"King Bowser, would you consider yourself a person in constant denail?_

Larry, are you angry that you haven't been included in any of your King Dad's evil plots recently?  
Do you like Peach the same way Jr. does or did you he bribe you into compliance in the New Super Mario Bros. Wii?  
Considering you had a tennis racket in Mario and Luigi: Super Star Saga, are you particularly fond of sport. If so, why haven't you been in any of the Mario Sports games with your King Dad?"

_-LOTW_

**Bowser:** I ain't in denial!!

Kammy: Of course you would say that, Your Denialness.

**Bowser:** Shut up, I am not!!

Larry: Oh, not angry. Actually on the contrary, I'm kinda relieved. I don't like getting the stuffing beat out of me. And Peach is nice and funny, so I don't mind it when she "visits." I like her alright. And tennis is fun. I haven't been out to play lately but one day I'd like to be in a tournament maybe.

Kammy: Sire, you're still in lots of denial.

**Bowser:** I AM NOT!!

Kammy: *chuckles*

_"__On to the questions, I guess._

1. Bowser: How did it feel to have both Mario and Luigi inside of you in Bowsers Inside Story?

2. Jr: Which of your siblings do you despise the most?

3. Jr: Which one of your siblings do you like the best?

4. Jr: Do you have a crush on anyone?

5. Bowser: What movie characters do you like?"

_-Warets_

**Bowser:** TERRIBLE. I woulda upchucked 'em if I knew they were there the whole time!! They prolly implanted all kinds of stuff in me…

Kammy: Little Princeling isn't here today, so why don't you answer the ones meant for him, Larry?

Larry: Uhh, sure. I don't really despise any of my siblings over the other. I mean, I don't like it when Roy punches me in the face, but I don't hate him for it. I mean, I HAFTA say that, or else if he finds out I said I hated it, he'd beat the crap out of me! And the best? Gee…uh….I guess Iggy's ok to hang out with, when he's not….being all weird and creepy. And no, I don't have a crush on anyone at the moment.

Kammy: Just whizzing by these today, aren't we sire?

_"__I got some question for you Bowser_

What is your favorite chapter in Year of the Wiggler? (I have a feeling that you at least make your minions read some fanficton to you)

Why do you kinda sound like Spike (dog in Tom and Jerry) in Super Mario Sunshine?

Do you watch something called Super Mario bros Z?

How are you able to loss weight so fast on Bowser inside story?

Those are my question for now."

_-Porky 2_

**Bowser:** Nope, I don't. Whatever they do in their off-hours is up to them.

Kammy: Aww I've read it sire! It's a terribly cute story. *grins* Chapter 8 is one of my favorites, especially at the end, when-

**Bowser:** *glares* This better not be the crap Shroom Guy was talkin' about with Linguini and….YOU KNOW.

Kammy: There's different fanfics out there, sire.

**Bowser: **Psh, no thanks. And who? What? Don't know what that is.

Larry: I think it's a cartoon, King Dad.

**Bowser:** Do I look like a little kid?! And no, anything with Mario in the title must be crap. And I don't know! I burned the calories off in like a second. The food musta been laced with magic or somethin'.

Kammy: *picturing the sire as a little kid* So cute…

**Bowser:** What're you babbling on about, haggy?!

Kammy: Nothing, sire. Nothing at all. *grins*

_"__Hi! I have a couple questions for Bowser, if you would not mind my asking._

1) Being a fan of the Koopas, I must ask why it is that you have your troops scattered across any area in small groups spaced easily to get trampled when if they attack en-masse, your most hated foe would be overwhelmed... especially if you employ Lakitus and Bullet Bills in the same groups! Remember: there is no such thing as "overkill" when it comes to that guy!

2) Here's one for Kammy. It may be "King Bowser Kinda Answers Your Questions", but she did (try) to answer some. So here's one for her. Are you senile? The way you acted during the Star Rod fiasco and in Rogueport seems to hint at that. In these Q-and-A sessions you seem more composed. If you really are senile, have you been taking potions for it or something?

3) Back to His Highness. What's it like ruling Dark Land? Aside from your regular schemes to win Peach's hand or land and attempts to best the Red Plumber in battle or play (see next question for that one), is it boring being king?

4) I really must ask this one. Why is it that you go Karting with your own enemies? Same thing for sports events, such as the Olympics when beings from other dimensions happened to join in. You know, the weird ones that claimed to be super fast/strong/whatever but often times were around the same speed or skills as you!

5) Finally (for now, at any rate), what did you do with all of Fawful's stuff after beating the snot out of the Dark Star / Dark Bowser? I mean, I figured that you renovated the castle and replaced all the defaced statues and stuff, but what did you do with all the walking cages? Those things would be great against intruders (yourself obviously excluded, your Buffness) or at least stall them!

Thank you for your time and I apologize for the length. I tend to be almost as long-winded as a member of Merlon's family.  
~SladeJT, Dimension Hopper

PS: If I'm ever in your dimension, I'll be sure to send you some cakes! Maybe also some papers which have on them various possible ways to do the Plumber in... or at least get him out of your hair.  
PPS: Ever think about just hypnotising him into your service or something? If you can't beat him, force him to join!  
PPPS: If I ever AM in your dimension, please don't hurt me. I may be human, but I'm rooting for the Koopas!  
PPPPS: Sorry for all the post-scripts!

**Bowser:** Can I help it if I spend all these months training these guys and they go out on their own and SCREW UP? I seriously can't watch anything they do! I'm too busy with my own schemes. Do I hafta BABYSIT them? Seriously. Worthless buncha-

Kammy: SON. In the room.

**Bowser:** He's old enough to hear this kind of crap! Shows what his ol' dad's gotta go through.

Kammy: Oooh, a question for me! Why thank you! Erm…sometimes my mind ISN'T what it used to be no, but Kamek has been whipping up a few spells. I mean, if it's evident here it must mean they're working nicely! Hopefully I'll continue to get better. Everytime I forget something, His Cantankerousness is most unpleasant to deal with.

**Bowser:** You're still pretty sucky at remembering stuff, haggy!

Kammy: I'd be worse sire.

**Bowser:** *sneers* I'll bet. And no, being king is GREAT when you don't hafta deal with idiots. It's great to have everyone notice you. Not that I'm NOT noticeable already, but being king just adds to it! And hey, I may hate 'Stache-Face but why wouldn't I want the chance to CREAM him in something, huhn? Plus I get to show off my skills to Peach. If anything, Ravioli-Head's a good rival. Nothin' like competition. And as for that stupid bean's crap…I threw it all into lava. ALL OF IT. And by me, I mean all those idiot traitors. It was their punishment for letting themselves be brainwashed so easily. I mean GEEZ, I leave expectin' my castle to be ok when I get back and they RUIN it. Where do we FIND these guys?

Kammy: I have no idea, sire.

**Bower:** Geez. And that ain't a bad idea…I'd so hypnotize Mario into being in my troop. I'd be totally unstoppable then!

Kammy: Except for what I TRIED to explain to everyone earlier…

**Bowser:** Huhn?

Kammy: Remember you interrupted me a few sessions back? Well I was TRYING to explain that because of certain events in the past, magikoopa magic is almost void against-

**Bowser:** *suddenly coughs violently*

Kammy: …..Are you…ok, Your Choking-ness?

**Bowser:** Uh…yea. Sh….shut up. *nervously glances at her*

Larry: Dad, it's so obvious…*rolls eyes*

Kammy: Oh. Well don't be worried, sire, I won't tell. But I'm sure they can figure it out. But if it makes His Highness uncomfortable. *grins*

Bowser: I'm not WORRIED or anythin' but…I mean. Don't just be blabbin' about it.

Kammy: Noted, sire.

Larry: Oh yea, Dad I'm supposed to tell you somethin'.

**Bowser:** Yea yea, what is it now?

Larry: Iggy told me to tell you that if he doesn't get to come on next time you do this, he's going to blow up his laboratory and put piranha plants under your bed.

**Bowser:** Sounds like he's lost it.

Larry: When did he ever have it, Dad?

**Bowser:** Good point. *heavily sighs* I really don't want to send the kid on an insanity spiral. And if he blows up his lab, I'll have no machines to sic on Mario. And I don't like the thought of piranha plants under my bed. But then again, he's so….hyperactive and…I need a lot of sleep and some kind of painkiller before he comes on…

Kammy: Weighing out your pros and cons, sire?

**Bowser:** Sheesh. I'm gonna regret this one, I know it.

Kammy: Your 4th son, Ignatius will join us then?

**Bowser:** Sure, why not? He's crazy enough to answer any questions thrown at him.

Larry: He'll prolly giggle all the way through. *smirks*

Kammy: Giggles or no, the show must press on! Prepare your questions and think up some for our demented little inventor while you're at it, hm?


	9. The Sunlight Is Lacking!

Kammy: WELCOME!!

**Bowser:** Yikes, what's with the shouting, haggy?

Kammy: Just an excited welcome for a change.

**Bowser:** Well I have my pills, so I'm all set for today. *thumbs up*

Kammy: Your headache medication? I hope you will not need to use it sire.

**Bowser:** Wishful thinkin'. Where IS four-eyes anyway?

Kammy: I'm so uncertain, it frightens me, sire. There's no telling what he might bring with him.

**Bowser:** I had Kamek seal up his lab up, so he couldn't blow it up. And in case he decided to bring his…

Together in unison: "Latest and greatest creation."

Kammy: Joy, sire.

**Bowser:** I blame the lack of sunlight for this one.

Kammy: Always something else to blame, yes sire?

**Bowser: **Well yea. Oh, I hear him comin' now.

Kammy: Hm? Really, sire?

**Bowser:** I can hear his giggles bouncin' down the hallway. *sighs* He better not have brought anythin'…

Iggy: *peeks in the doorway* Good day, King Dad.

**Bowser: ***deadpan* Hey.

Kammy: Hello Prince Ignatius, ready to join in?

Iggy: Of course. *eerily grins and starts to walk in*

**Bowser:** Back it up, kid. What d'you got behind ya, huhn?

Iggy: *falters and his smile drops* Why…nothing, dear father.

**Bowser:** Yea uh huh with that bull "dear" bit. You're not bringin' ANYTHING with acid, electricity, flames, or explosives in here.

Iggy: *begins to chuckle lightly* What if…it doesn't…apply…to any of those…categories?

**Bowser:** NO.

Iggy: *chuckling abruptly stops and he glares* Fine. But you're gonna miss out on my LATEST AND GREATEST CREATION!!!

**Bowser:** Damn, I thought Kamek sealed the lab!

Iggy: It wasn't IN my lab, it was in my room, foolish father! *smirks and begins giggling*

**Bowser:** Ok, you know what? One, sit down, Two, MINIMAL GIGGLING, DO YOU HEAR ME?! I need to hear myself think today!

Iggy: Oh Dad, don't be so disenchanted. I'll be good. No explosions, you have my word. *bows mockingly and takes his seat*

**Bowser:** *grumbles* No explosions my ass…

Kammy: Er…right…onwards…to…questions. *shifts nervously* No explosions…hopefully.

_"__If you really love like you say you do then why don't you ask me on a date LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!_

_ -Peach_

**Bowser:** Peach?! I….oh man, well…if I asked you, d'you mean you'd just go out with me?! Could it really be that simple?!

Iggy: *grins widely and snickers*

**Bowser:** Well dang, go out with me then!

Kammy: Oh sire. *rolls eyes and smiles*

_"See? We can get along! These questions are all for Bowser!_

1) If you captured Mario then what torture device would you use on him?

2) What's the best platform: Wii, PS3 or XBox 360?

3) Which one of Mario's Power Forms do you hate the most? Ex: Fire Mario, Mega Mario?

4) If you could star in your own series then what genre would your games be? Ex: Platform, Fighting, Action Adventure.

5) Ever burn your tongue when using fire breath?

_ -The Shroom Guy_

Iggy: *blurts out* CANNON. SPLATTER AGAINST THE CASTLE WALL!!!

**Bowser:** ….*raises eyebrow* Easy there, kid. My personal choice would be various spiky and heavy objects pounding him into mush. And my contract requires me to say Wii.

Kammy: Whee, sire?

Iggy: Wheeeeeeeeeehhhhheeeee!! *spins around on his chair*

**Bowser:**….*rubs head* I hate all forms of Mario. They're all annoying. IGGY. STOP. *reaches out to grab a hold of the wheelie chair*

Iggy: *jerks to the side, causing his glasses to become crooked* Of course, dear….father…*trails off*

**Bowser:** Anyway….I was…sayin'…Oh. My own series? I've already got a series of games. Try 'em. They're everywhere.

Kammy: And His Annoyedness never breathes fire from his throat, thus it doesn't burn his tongue. As I've explained, the gases are shot out of nodes located IN his mouth, so the gases travel quite a bit from his mouth area, into open air, before a spark ignites them. It only gives the illusion of "breathing" fire. Heh heh.

_Ludwig and Bowser... question time!!_

For Ludwig: Why did you invent the Bowser Cannon in Bowser and the Cannon?

The next one is for Bowser: If you could have 1 power in various Mario games, what will it be?

This is for the both of you: How many ways can you defeat Mario?

For Bowser: In Mario & Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games, how did you compete in various events?

And last but not least... Do you have an invention for me Ludwig so I can breathe fire?

_ -dragon19kyoshi_

**Bowser:** Ludwig? He ain't here today kid. Iggy is though. You'll have a ball with him. *rolls eyes*

Iggy: I never INVENTED, *fixes his glasses* anything with a name as atrocious as "Bowser Cannon."

**Bowser:** And just what makes that name so "ATROCIOUS" four eyes? Huhn?!

Iggy: I would've come up with something cleverer. Just because there's something's NAMED after you doesn't make it better.

Kammy: Prince Ignatius, you've named plenty of inventions after yourself.

Iggy: Quiet! *glares, and then slowly smiles* I'm an excellent inventor just not very good at naming them. They're like my explosive, pitiful children. Only I know what they're capable of.

**Bowser:** You're throwin' me through a loop on this one, kid.

Iggy: I could…show you all of my inventions…if you want. I could go get them right now. Shall I go get them, father? *smirks widely, beginning to giggle*

**Bowser:** PLEASE NO. Damn, look what you made me do. Sayin' please. C'mon now.

Kammy: The medication will most likely proceed, won't it sire?

**Bowser:** I'm holdin' off as long as I can. Save 'em for something really bad. Anyway. I'd like to be able to power up in my Giga form. At anytime, with no strings attached. And there are a million ways to defeat Mario, but only one way to humiliate him forever, and that's winning Peach over once and for all.

Iggy: *breathes in sharply* I still say we load him into a cannon and LET 'ER RIP!! *begins laughing*

**Bowser:** And I don't think Iggy should invent anything for anyone. Not until he uh…tests them. A lot.

Iggy: Well if he wants flames…*holds in a giggle* I could most certainly…see…what I have…lying around for him….

**Bowser:** Yea, not a good idea. Next question.

Kammy: No explosions, please.

_"King Bowser, it's come to my attention that in the PC version of "Mario is Missing" the final scene showed you wearing red, polka-dotted underwear. Does this mean that your favorite color is red despite it being your enemy's favorite color or do you just like polka-dots?_

Iggy, did you actually change your hairstyle or did you just shave your head and shove a turnip in as deeply as possible?  
Is it true that out of all the koopalings, Roy beats you up the most?  
Do you build machines for your King Dad because you're a loyal son or because it pleases you to watch things die as an indirect result of you?  
Do you think any of your siblings, including you, are going to become seriel-kidnappers like your father?"

_ -LOTW_

**Bowser:** What the hell! I mean…geez, I like red. My castle's kinda surrounded with red lava. Can't help it if Mario's copying MY style. But no, I don't normally WEAR polka-dot underwear. What the hell kinda games are you kids playin' nowadays?

Iggy: Any females in that particular game with similar attire? *perks up in his seat*

Kammy: Prince Ignatius, I HARDLY think you should be excited over such things, for your age!!

**Bowser:** Psh. Man, you need to get out more, kid. I'm tellin' ya, lack of sunlight.

Iggy: Lack of female companionship.

Kammy: I didn't know you were worried over such a thing, Prince.

Iggy: I'M NOT. I have very high standards. *adjusts his glasses* She has to think I'm wonderful.

Kammy: Well, who wouldn't think that, Ignatius? *coughs*

Iggy: YOUR TONE. You sound so insincere. *accussing stare* I'd like to think I'm a wonderful catch. Who wouldn't want to be on the arm of a prestigious scientist?

**Bowser:** Are we talkin' about your social life, or LACK THEREOF, or are we answering questions here?!

Iggy: I was merely suggesting…..*smirks widely and chuckles to himself* And my hair? WHAT OF IT? It looks nice, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?! *begins giggling* I was bored of my multicolor. And my love for green is that of an intense nature. My whole room is green, you know. You can come see it, if you like….

**Bowser:** *stares at his son* …Pills. I need 'em. Right now.

Iggy: Ah well. My offer stands. AND ROY. That….that….SCOUNDREL. My eyesight wouldn't be HALF as dire had he stopped punching me in the face as I requested. I require so much magnification when inventing. Come to my lab, it doesn't explode NEARLY as often as everyone says. *smirks widely*

**Bowser:** Bahhh! STOP SOLICITING YOURSELF!!

Iggy: Of course, father. Of course. *laughs* And…it pleases me….to watch things….die as an indirect result of MY doing. It's most pleasing. To see them scramble. Look at them run. Watch it explode. Oh no! *begins chuckling manically* I never even have to BE there! I can watch from above or below. I just love it when father uses my inventions.

Kammy: I like to not be near your inventions when they explode, prince. *sighs deeply* No, I do not like that.

Iggy: Serial? Kidnapper? *titters* Me? Oh now what would make you think that? Why, I haven't even found a fair maiden I can snatch up yet. She'll be so lucky, whoever she is. *smirks and rubs his claws together*

**Bowser:** Geez, more like doomed.

Iggy: Don't say that dad. Someone out there loves building stuff just as much as I do. I'm sure. *grins*

**Bowser:** More like, destroy. *rolls eyes*

Kammy: No such talks of destruction whilst I'm present, please.

"DEAR KING DIRTBAG,

First, IM A MAN NOT A LADY, IF YOU REFER TO ME AS A SHE, ONE MORE TIME I'LL KID NAP YOU AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!  
Second I wasn't asking you for a date, and if I even was a lady i would not even be in your leage!

Okay, now that weve cleared my gender its time to ask you questions

First, You built so much in mario galaxy just to have it torn away and blown up by Pasta brain, You think you'll ever beat him once and for all

Second, how do you kidnap the princess so easy, wheres the royal guard, the mushroom police department. What kind of security system is two plumbers, and one of them is fat, the other is a scardey baby

Third, Okay so mabey you banging peach was a little over the top, im sorry i said that, but just about everyone in the entire world is wondering what do you and peach do while you wait for mario. What do you sit on the couch and watch a movie

Lastly, whats with you and lava, everytime you have lava you get burned, examples: mario galaxy, new super mario bros, super mario 1-3. Why dont you just have something safer that wont end up getting you burned

Signed  
Kincin the Great

P.S. NOT A LADY

P.S.S  
I cant think of a PSS

**Bowser:** Well hey, you DID ask me out. Can't help it if I don't know what gender you are through a computer.

Iggy: Father has a date? And with a male? I wasn't aware of your new sexual orientation. Why do you not share with us, these momentous decisions in your life?

**Bowser:** I'M NOT- NO! I like women! PEACH. I like Peach. You brainy four eyed wacko!

Iggy: *smirks* I just love pressing your buttons, dearest dad.

**Bowser:** I know you do! You kids are killin' me! And yea, I'll beat Mario one of these days, when my idiot troops and kids stop goofing up and slacking off!

Iggy: *stops swiveling in his seat and glares* I try father. You refuse to let Ludwig and I build a suit for you. It wouldn't explode. Not…a…lot…anyway….*giggles*

**Bowser:** *pushes Iggy's chair away from him* Well yea, I agree. Not much of a system at all. Which is why Peach should just come and live with me, so I can protect her.

Iggy: You live in a fortress guarded by pits of magma, along with several traps, dungeons, and explosive devices made by yours truly. Certainly, she's very safe. Very safe. *doubles over with laughter*

Kammy: Ignatius seems to be having a fun time…*grins*

Iggy: My retinas are watering…

**Bowser:** Hmph. So glad you kids are amused. Sure lava's a little hot but if it bothers her I'll just have it removed. Ain't nothing I wouldn't do for Peachy.

Kammy: Of course, sire.

_"__Hey Bowser i hv some questions:_

1. bowser - why do u ALWAYS kidnape peach? can't u think of somat else to do?

2. bowser and iggy- what would u do if a random 13 year old girl trashed ur castle and beat up all your minions or wateva u call them?

3. iggy- wats it like living with 7 siblings? doesn't it get annoying?

4. bowser and iggy and kammy - do u watch Coronation Street?

kk tht was random lol

Bye Bye! Taa Ta! ;)

_ -GlitterBunny_

**Bowser:** I like Peach, thus why I kidnap her.

Iggy: Thus? Am I rubbing off on you, dear father? *grins*

**Bowser:** Er…WHICH IS WHY I KIDNAP HER. And say what? That's very specific….ARE YOU PLANNIN' SOMETHIN'?!

Kammy: I read a fanfic like that once…

Iggy: Thirteen? A bit young. Does she like green? My whole room is green you know. She should visit. I could show her inventions. Non-explosive ones. Or explosive, whichever suits her. *grins*

**Bowser:** Is there medicine you can take for this?!

Iggy: I haven't been out in a while, father. Pardon my forwardness. My apologies. *smirks* And yes, my siblings are quite tiresome, which is why my room is always locked.

Kammy: Erm…I'm still….wondering what Coronation Street is…

**Bowser: **If it's one of those soap box show things…

Iggy: I believe you mean soap opera. As in, the kinds of shows Wendy watches.

**Bowser:** Agh. I don't watch those.

Kammy: Well aware, sire. Although now I'm a little curious…

"_Hiya~ hehe, so many funny questions in here, good work with the answers, wan =3_

_Ok, here are some questions (sorry if it looks like they are repeated, I lose my memory somewhere in the room -w-):_

Bowser: Your castles always end up as rubble, and you CAN'T deny it. But tell me, you have them all repaired all the time before kidnapping Peach again and having the little-man-in-red, and sometimes with help of his taller-but-younger brother Luigi, or are they all different ones? I mean, you gave the Koopalings castles when you were trying to control Dinosaur Land, wan

Bowser: I still can't believe you put a switch in the room at the end of your castle in New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Why did you do it? You could have defeat Mario in no time with THAT size, wan

Bowser: Who is the most enregetic/annoying/hiperactive of your kids? I mean, Ludwig is the evil genius, Morton the chatter box (or that is what I remember -w-), Wendy and Junior are a little bratty, Iggy is a mad scientist, Roy is the err... toughest and meanest one and well, Larry isn't that bad, but he is the sneaky one -beware of the air duct- and well... Lemmy is Lemmy and he is the one who roll on a ball all day so... which one is the worst one? XD

Iggy: First of all... I LOVE YOUR REACCION WHEN YOU FIRST SAW MARIO IN NSMBW! And I love your laugh, and you have chain chomps TwT Why are you so awesome? XD

Iggy: King Bowser said that you were kinda of... a little on the crazy side, and I don't agree, I know you are demented (which is worse in a way and better in the other -w-), but still, why did you changed your hair that much? It looks like a mutant turnip~ -hides under a desk- DON'T KILL ME, I READ IT ON dA, but it is awesome =3

Iggy: one last question I know your dad doesn't want you to answer -w- Did he already gave you and your sibling "the talk" or he didn't, and if he hasn't then are you going to ask him? (I bet Bowser will send them to Ludwig if they ask him XD)

Well, that's it, beware of my bad grammar~ :3  
Carito-fox~

PS: Sorry for the long comment, I write a little to much... and I love the Koopas, you go! And Kammy is cool, wan -w- XD"

**Bowser:** Oh. Yea I've got a few different castles around the Darklands, and other places too. If I'm not in 'em my kids are free to use 'em. And I DIDN'T come up with that switch idea, I swear. *glares at Kammy* It's a dumb idea. I don't know what you were thinking.

Kammy: I told you sire, it wasn't I who came up with that idea!

**Bowser:** Better tell who's ever it WAS then that it SUCKS. And the worst kid…? Huh…

Iggy: Don't gaze upon me, father. *hides his face in his claws* I can't help the way I am….

**Bowser:** Yeesh, cry me a river. They're all so hyperactive. In their own ways. I mean, I wouldn't even know who to pick. If I spend a huge amount of time with ANY of 'em my head starts to hurt. Junior cries though. He screams too.

Kammy: Your children are a danger to your health, sire.

**Bowser: **Tell me about it, if this one's not setting off explosions near my head, the other's screaming in my face, or draggin' me every which way to get somethin' for 'em. Parenting is HARD.

Iggy: *grins* I'm so delighted that someone is charmed by my laugh. Normally people tend to find my amusement on the more…annoying…unusual side? I am pleased. And crazy? I don't think I am either. I'm of perfectly healthy mind. *chuckles deviously* For myself, that is. And this is the second mention of my hair today. You love it, don't you? I most certainly can see why. It's very well suited to me, as I don't have much time to fix it nowadays. And now, your last question. This talk you refer to, could it mean…would it be…? *grins and trails off*

Kammy: Please tell me you spoke to him about this, sire.

Iggy: Oh of course we have! *chuckles* While awkward in his attempt, it still intrigued me, so I took it upon myself to look it up. It's very _**intriguing**_.

Kammy: I don't like the way he said, 'intriguing' sire. *nervously glancing at him*

**Bowser:** I'm out to lunch on this one, haggy. All that kinda stuff's in YOUR department. Your job. You handle it. I don't wanna know.

Iggy: What a charming fan. I just might extend an invitation for a trip to my lab to said fan.

**Bowser:** No advertising yourself.

Kammy: I am 'cool'? That is…good to know.

**Bowser:** Yea yea. Bask in it while ya can, haggy.

Kammy: Basking annnnd….finished!

_"__Ok here with some more questions_

Bowser-Why don't you read that much cause you know reading some Bowser and Peach fanfiction like Year of the Wiggler or Change of Heart could help you win Peach over?

Iggy-Have you tried to blow up Mario's house?

Bowser-Even thougth you hate Mario have you ever had to call him and Green Stache when your castle need plumbing"

_ -Porky 2_

Kammy: *suddenly squees* I just love Change of Heart, such an adorable story, sire!

**Bower:** ….You uh….you feelin' ok, haggy?

Iggy: Fanfiction? *perks up*

**Bowser:** Oh don't tell me you read that crap too, Iggy…

Iggy: …..*titters* Guilty.

Kammy: I just love the latest chapter…you and Peach have a little sleepover together and it's most adorable!

**Bowser:** WHAT?!

Kammy: Heh heh.

Iggy: Mmm….blowing up the Mario Brothers house….it has potential.

**Bowser:** …..Do it.

Iggy: Can I use my latest and greatest creation?!

**Bowser:** Is it gonna backfire in my face?

Iggy:….Minimal backfiring results. I swear.

**Bowser:** …..I'm gonna regret this. And. Hey, even we've had a plumbing problem or two. He's good at his job. I'll give him that.

Iggy: But his plumbing skills just aren't WORTH the satisfaction of taking his life. *smirks widely*

**Bowser:** When'd you get so creepy, anyway?

Iggy:…Er…lack of sunlight, dad? *giggles*

Kammy: Before any invention goes haywire we have another question! Ahem.

_"Igggggggyyyy! What's it like being the coolest koopaling ever to exist?(the rest o' them don't understand you; but I do!)"_

_ -Darkrai-risen_

Iggy: I thank you kindly, for your compliment and understanding. It's hard to be…so alone…in my thinking….down in the depths of my…lab…amongst my inventions…

**Bowser:** Dramatic, much?

Iggy: May I unleash my invention?

**Bowser:** Wait….maybe….next time. Yea. You can come afterwards. Because I need to bring a lot more painkillers. Then we'll go destroy Mario's house. It'll be like a question session slash bonding moment with my kids.

Iggy: Most excellent idea, father. I'll have more time to work out the kinks.

Kammy: Wow. Two kids at once on the same session? Who's the other koopaling to join?

**Bowser:** I'mma say Roy for safety purposes. And because if you screw up, I'm gonna tell him to beat the crud outta you.

Iggy: *glares* The nerve.

Kammy: This should be….interesting. And highly dangerous. Join us next time for a questionable session with His Not-So-Bright-ness, and his two sons, Roy and Iggy. Oh I do hope we make it out alive…


	10. The Explosions Are Minimal!

Kammy: Good day safe children! Safe as in, not near any explosive or heavy and painful materials as I am right now, due to Prince Ignatius's invention.

Roy: I swear, if 'dis 'ting blows up in my face, I'mma pound you inta the ground so hard da world will split in half.

Iggy: SCOUNDREL. You know not of my ingenious endeavors!

**Bowser:** Roy's got my vote in this, if you screw up he has every right to pound you into the ground. I don't got enough pills for this…

Kammy: Shall we proceed with questions, to prolong the torture? We shall.

_ "__These questions are so much fun and now... here comes the next set._

Roy: Did you ever get to slam Mario in his adventures?

Bowser: Can you show me how Lakitu's Start Signal works?

Roy: You are a great fighter so, can you show me some moves?

Roy: When I saw you at the end of New Super Mario Bros. Wii, you were helping Bowser. So how did you help him at the end of the game?

Both: Can you name 1 friend from your family?

Both: What is your favorite part in New Super Mario Bros. Wii?

And now... the final question! For Bowser: Why did you create your castle course in the Mario Kart series?"

_ -dragon19kyoshi_

Roy: YEA. It's fun. Guy pisses me off.

Iggy: You're so vulgar.

Roy: SHUDDUP!! *raises his fist*

Iggy: FIEND! *runs and hides behind Kammy*

**Bowser:** And no I can't. You could uh…go…talk to Lakitu 'bout that though. I guess.

Roy: No. If I showed ya all-a my moves, den you'd know what was comin'. I like ta switch it up a bit. *raises his fist to Iggy, causing him to flinch* HA. See? I'mma give ya two for flinchin' fo' eyes.

**Bowser:** Roy didn't HELP me….I was…kinda….uh…

Roy: Knocked out.

**Bowser:** NO. JUST. TIRED. Yea. I was a little tired from uh, not getting enough sleep the night before. You kids keep me up all night doing whatever the hell you do in your rooms. And uh….friends? I don't have time to mingle with people. Dunno about my kids. They've never introduced me to anyone.

Iggy: I haven't any friends to introduce to you, father-dear. Alas, they are frightened away by my explosive creations. Oh how I wish someone could enjoy the fruits of explosive material as I do. *sighs*

Roy: Nah, I like ta hang solo. I'mma loner. Don't need nobody.

**Bowser:** Every race needs my castle in it. Seriously. It's awesome. How many people can say they've raced through their own house? NONE.

Kammy: Good point. Another question to delay the doom!

_ "Lalala -shot-, me is back, wan~_

Ok, here we go:

Bowser: Which is your height/real size? I mean, last time I saw you next to Pastabrain was in Bowser's Inside Story and he didn't look that short, and then in the NSMBW you were like... 2 times your own kids, wan

Bowser, Roy and Iggy: by any chance you (absorve them/were absorved by your father) in Bowser's Inside Story?

Roy: ... you still beat up Morton and Iggy even if they are a 'little' taller than you or you don't bother them THAT much? btw, I like your glasses, wan -w- XD Oh and don't be that mean to your siblings, what have they done to you, wan?

Iggy: you really are inviting me to your laboratory, wan? -shiny eyes- I love seeing things explode, they are awesome, wan XD But don't you dare try anything or you will suffer a painful torture with a spoon and a lilac crayon, wan ._. -giggles- but sure it would be fun, too bad I won't be allowed in, I like setting thing on fire XD Oh, but I remember seen you with a hidrobazooka... -coughstiloveyourlaughcough-

Kammy and Iggy (even Roy and Bowser if they want to answer): you like to read fanfics right? Do you have a favorite, if you do then which one is it, and which one the one you don't like that much?

um... I'm out of questions... oh but I think I remember something: Your Highness if I'm correct then it was Kamek the one that appeared and helped the Koopalinga and you, and I didn't saw Kammy in the game...  
Oh and tell the other Koopalings I say hi, da wan~  
And Kammy is still cool, wan -w- "

Carito-fox~

**Bowser:** Yea, see, magic. It does things. To me. My height and stuff. Sometimes it wears off, sometimes it causes other things to happen. So I don't even KNOW anymore. Man, how hard IS my life, right?

Kammy: Oh yes, so…terribly hard, sire.

**Bowser: **And I'm pretty sure I didn't swallow my kids.

Iggy: To be running around in your innards would be disturbing. However, as disturbing as it might be, it would not prevent me from conducting experimentation whilst I'm down there. *smirks and giggles*

**Bowser:** There's gotta be some therapy I can get you or somethin'…

Roy: An' you wonder why I beat up 'fo eyes on a regular basis.

Iggy: FIEND!! *cowers* And what's this? A willing participant in my previous invitation to my lab? Oh joyous days!! Yes, come to my lab, the explosions will be minimal. Nothing to fear! I shall shield you, don't be shy, or nervous. What's that on your shoulder? My arm? How did that get there? Oh pay no mind to it, here come closer…

Roy: Damn, no wonda' no one goes ta visit ya. Creep.

Iggy: As we cuddle in the fires of my lab, I shall tell you for my secret love for things fanfiction. I'm not afraid to admit it.

Kammy: I have a headache now, sire. Any more of those pills left, per chance?

**Bowser:** Nope, none. I'm just as freaked out as you are.

Kammy: This is why I stay home half of the time….*rubs head wearily*

_ Bowser, why so many children? I understand that you beleive in unlimited evil, but do you believe the same for having kids? What's your cut-off? Did you decide that hitting the double-digits would be a bit much?_

Iggy, I would gladly visit your room *wink-wink* but I have nothing to wear that's fire proof besides a fire tunic from LoZ. In the show, Lemmy and you were constantly seen together and were eachothers' favorite siblings. Is this true for now?

Roy, how do you feel about no longer being the biggest koopaling? Do you feel Morton threatens your "bully" position?"

_ -LOTW_

**Bowser**: WASN'T my idea, trust me. This stuff happens though.

Kammy: Your children are in the room, sire.

**Bowser:** The hell, haggy! I wasn't even gonna SAY anything!

Iggy: My room is always open. Unless it's closed and locked, then it's of the opposite. But do knock loudly, unless I am in the lab, then of course I will be unable to hear you. Stay by my door, until the late hours of the night, and wait for me. I'll have to go to my room eventually. And dear Lemmy? He is a good specimen. A very good, and quiet specimen. *giggles*

Roy: The hell?! You're freakin' the crap outta me. And height ain't everythin'! Just cuz fo' eyes here is da tallest don't mean squat. He ain't got no weight to push around, so he'll get knocked right ova'. An' Morty? Hell it's all fat on dat kid.

Kammy: Oh my, you children are such a handful. It's no wonder His Highness is looked so much older every day…

**Bowser:** OLDER?! Whatcha talkin' about, haggy?! Do I LOOK older? Like, really bad?! What the hell!

Kammy: Parenting is aging you, sire.

**Bowser:** DON'T TELL ME THAT!! I can't LOOK all wrinkly and stuff like you! What would Peachy think?!

Kammy: I certainly wouldn't want you to look all "wrinkly and stuff like me" sire. *rolls eyes*

"_Hey thanks for answering my questions, and no i am not planning anything. i would never do that. or would i?_

ANYWAY, here r some more questions:

Bowser - How much medication do you take a day?

Iggy - If you could have any girl in the world, who would it be?

Roy - No offense, but what is so fun about beating people up for no particular reason?

I have a few more but i cant be bothered to put them so I'll put them next time.

Taa-Ta"

_ -GlitterBunny_

**Bowser:** I would take SO much more if I could. And now I gotta worry about lookin' old too now. Geez, do I ever get a break?!

Iggy: She has to think that I….am….wonderful. And desirable.

Roy: An' stupid. *chuckles*

Iggy: SCOUNDREL!! SILENCE YOUR SNOUT, ROY!! *glares*

Kammy: Now now, kids. No fighting, please. His Highness is having a mid-life crisis and I am not looking forward to an explosion today.

"_Your Royal Incredibleness!  
Just curious..how was the cake Peach sent you at the end of BIS? Any good, sugary..?_

PS: Kammy, screen the questions! You're corrupting the Koopalings' youthful innocence!"

_-TheStarsAreFalling_

**Bowser:** It was good. Peach always makes delicious food….- is this a gray hair?!

Roy: Pops, stop freakin' out, yo' fine.

Kammy: Youthful innocence? Good heavens, I believe that was corrupted a while ago, according to Ignatius!

Iggy: *looks up and grins widely*

Kammy: Oh Great Koopa, why….why me? *sighs heavily*

_ "Yo, this is awesome!_

I have a question for like Bowser though.

Would you go crazy if you lived with one more Koopaling?"

- L-kun

**Bowser:**…..If I haven't ALREADY!!!! Seriously, my kids are nuts, and NOW I'm being told that I look OLD?!

Kammy: Why did I even SAY anything? Foolish Kammy, foolish, foolish! Now I've caused His Worriedness to doubt his own looks! For shame!

_ "Heh..this was pretty funny, so I've got some questions, too._

Bowser: Did you ever try giving Peach flowers or candy? A lot of women seem to like that sort of thing. Also, try writing a love note. Take her to see a chick flick, since she seems to like that sort of thing.

Iggy: We should hang out. Seriously. Can we hang out? We can watch the annoying Toads run around while we cause fire, explosions, and DOOM!

Roy: Do you and Ludwig carry a bunch of lead inside your shells on Super Mario Bros. 3? Or are you just really fat? I swear, you'd jump around on your airship and the whole thing would shake like it would fall out of the sky!

Bowser: You're awesome! I choose you a lot on Smash Brother Melee and Brawl, and I kick some major ** with your attacks!

P.S. Kammy's hilarious!

-Anasazi Darkmoon

**Bowser:** OF COURSE I TRIED THAT!! Her stupid toads screen everything that comes from my castle though. It's hard to get much of anything to her. Once I can get her away from Rigatoni-Breath long enough, we can go on a date hopefully…- seriously, is this hair gray? It looks gray. LOOK at it in the light, Roy.

Roy: Pops I tol' ya, it's fine. Yo' good.

Iggy: CAN WE HANG OUT?! Why of course. Come to my room, or my lab, or whisk me away from wherever I might be. We'll watch things explode! What fun it'll be!! *begins laughing*

Kammy: Thank you for your kind compliment, but I do not deserve it. I have caused much worry to His Aging-ness.

Roy: I ain't FAT. It's all muscle. You wanna feel o' dat? *flexes his bicep* Dat's what I thought!

Kammy: *shakes her head miserably*

_ "Hi! I have some questions for you guys to answer._

Bowser: What's with doing the same evil plan over and over and over again, huh? You need new material

Iggy: 'Stares' Someone asked this question in a previous chapter, Did your head get stuck in a blender or something?

Kammy: Are were you saying last chapter before Bowser stopped you? I'll throw his Evilness in a trunk so you can tell us.

Thanks for reading my questions and if you ever want a ORIGINAL plan let me know."

_-NinetailsGirl09_

**Bowser:** It ain't the same evil plan! I went into SPACE a while ago, if you remember! *sneers* For the most part, I'm always comin' up with something new!

Iggy: *stares back* I've never done such a thing, but now at the mere mention it sounds something of a fun task. Care to join me, in my lab, as we test your idea out? You can go first, if you'd like. I'll hold your hand, if it hurts. *giggles*

Kammy: No, no, don't throw His Highness into a trunk! I've caused him so much trouble as it is…*bites her lip*

**Bowser**: Yea great, my kids are psychotic, I can't see Peachy, I'm apparently OLD lookin', and now my plans are bein' slapped down!

Kammy: I'm so sorry, sire!! *wails*

_ "Lol ya i know i write to much, but i gotta talk to Iggy..._

These are ALL for Iggy. :D

1. I like your haircut... better than last time. But about your size... how'd you grow to be the tallest Koopaling?

2. Do you enjoy having Lemmy as your twin?

3. What Koopaling do you get along with the most?

I have your glasses?I'll buy you better ones! Or better yet, contact lenses!

is your fav food?

And this is at Roy... GO SCREW YOURSELF! D::S)

_Darkrai-risen_

Iggy: Oh? You love my hair? You really do? You may touch it, if you like. I enjoy being pet. AS FOR MY HEIGHT, WELL. I always knew I'd sprout upwards.

Roy: No you di'nt, freak, you complained all da time about how short ya were.

Iggy: FIEND! I did not!

Roy: Ya might've grown a lil' but ya still puny. *snickers*

Iggy: Lemmy?! He is not my twin. No. He is not. He's my older brother. That he most certainly is. AND PUNY I AM NOT!! *glares fiercely* I do not…get along…with…my other….wait…I can tolerate a few. Toleration almost counts, does it not? Ludwig…he is so vain…so vain he is…but he helps me to achieve greatness in my inventions. Larry, he is most quiet, most watchful. Lemmy is so fun to experiment on. Contact lenses help me not, oh generously thoughtful one. My eyesight is most atrocious. And my food tasting of choice? Oh let me think…perhaps…rice krispies. Oh I adore them.

Roy: *raises his middle finger in response to the final statement from the fan letter*

Kammy: ROY, I AM APPALLED!

**Bowser:** I'm out of it from all this headache medicine…

Kammy: *huffs* Err…a last minute question…for the lot of you. ROY, PUT YOUR FINGER DOWN NOW!

_ "Please ignore my earlier review, I didn't know that you had updated. I wanted to add some more questions._

Bowser) What's with doing the same evil plan over and over and over again, huh? You need new material and better minions

Roy) 'Strangles Roy' YOU LITTLE BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU HURT IGGY AND LEMMY! YOU TRY TO HURT HIM WHILE I'M AROUND AND I'LL KILL YOU! GOT THAT?

Iggy:) 'Glomps' KAWAII~! You want to go destroy Mushroom Kingdom and cause mass chaos? I have a pet Chain Chomp and know how to make a flamethrower with hairspray and a match.

Kammy) What were you saying in chapter 8 before Bowser interuptted you? I'll throw his Evilness in a trunk so you can tell us.

Thanks for reading my questions and if you ever want a ORIGINAL plan Bowser, let me know. And Iggy, if Roy punches you again let me know and I'll kick his **. Bye!

-_-NinetailsGirl09_

Roy: 'EY, TRY TO TOUCH ME AGAIN, AND I'LL POUND YO FACE AGAINST MY CASTLE WALL, GOT IT?!

Iggy: Oh so cute, with your hairspray. So charming. Yes, I'm all for a romp in the Mushroom Kingdom. And I return your glomp with one of my own.

Roy: Pft, she 'tinks she can kick MY ass? Yea, right. Sho. Get yo' girlfriends ta fight me FO' ya, geeky.

Iggy: Silence, Scoundrel! It only proves how much of an anal retentive jerkface you are.

Roy: ANAL RETENTIVE?! YOU LITTLE-

Iggy: EEP! *takes off running wildly*

Roy: I'MMA KILL YOU 'FORE YOU EVER GET TA USE YO' STUPID INVENTION ON MARIO!!!!

Kammy: GOOD LORD, ARE WE SPARED FROM IGGY'S PLANS?!

**Bowser:** I'm feelin' drowsy, haggy. I need to sleep this off or somethin'…

Kammy: OH THANK GOODNESS. *breathes out a sigh of relief* Another day, another non-explosive hour. Oh how I adore not being blown up, sire. Oh, and to our beautiful writers, please continue to write in. And seeing as His Highness had overdosed on headache medication, I'm sure he is grateful as well…

**Bowser:** *falling asleep*….


	11. Si? See? Sea? C?

Kammy: His Highness is back and feeling much better, fellow friends and advocates of the Koopa King!

**Bowser:** Not really…my head STILL hurts….

Iggy: I could fix that, father-dear…

**Bowser:** EH?! The hell you still doin' here?!

Roy: We're both here, Pops.

**Bowser:** Uh…WHY?!

Both: *shrug*

Kammy: They were concerned for your health, sire…

Roy: Not really, we jus' wanted to mess wif' da Toads in town-

Kammy: CONCERNED. FOR YOUR HEALTH, SIRE. *glares at Roy* How are you feeling, sire?

**Bowser:** AWFUL.

Kammy: Good, then we can answer some questions! *beams*

"_I got a few questions for Bowser._

1. what kind of job would you like to work at, if you were not kidnapping princess Peach.

2. I know Ludwig is your oldest kid. why was Bowser jr put in charge and not Ludwig.

3. how it was like working with King Boo in Luigi's Mansion?

4. why you don't kidnap Princess Daisy for a change?

5. would you be shocked if you saw Wario and Waluigi coming to rescue the princess instead of Mario and Luigi?"

_-Blackjet340_

**Bowser: **Job? I don't know….maybe….a restaurant. Yea. A really GOOD one. It wouldn't be a fast food joint, it'd be sweet. I'm talkin' like 4 stars.

Kammy: Er, are you still loopy, sire?

**Bowser:** No, I got it all worked out. My kids would be the wait staff.

Roy: EY! I ain't waitin' on tables all day like some bus boy!

Iggy: Are you certain you trust me to serve food items to patrons, father? *grins*

**Bowser:** Erm…you can work in the back, Iggy. But yea, it'd work. It would. And Junior…huh…he…he cries a lot. I mean, I don't think you people realize how annoying it can be. It's like torture after a while. I gotta give the kid SOMETHIN' to do. Get him outta my hair for a while. And I never worked with King Boo, he made a COSTUME. My head doesn't really come off, kids…

Iggy: *attempting to pull off his head by his horns* …..No. He is correct. It does not. Unfortunate…this…is….

**Bowser:** *shoos him away* Stop that!! And Daisy is ANNOYING. I hate her. And she hits!

Roy: *snickers* Hit 'er back, Pops.

**Bowser:** Nah, I'll just dump her into Cheep-Cheep Lake. *chuckles* Maybe the fish'll eat her. And who the hell is Waloogie and Wario?

Kammy: Sire, I swear, you've met them both before.

**Bowser:** They musta been lame then, because I don't remember lame twerps!

Kammy: *shakes head* Oh, sire.

_ "I'm back~!_

_Kammy) Sorry, I don't want you to get in trouble for me locking Bowser in a trunk. But I'm really curious about what you were talking about in chapter 8._

Bowser) That WAS original, but they're making a 'Super Mario Galaxy 2!' and is just a reused evil plot. My offer of a original plan still stands, your evil Stupidness.

Kammy) Can I ask a favor? Can you tell Roy that if contiunes hurting Iggy that his RABID, VIOLENT, FANGIRLS will get him. Thanks!

That's all I have for now so thanks for reading and see next time. Bye!"

_-NinetailsGirl09_

**Bowser:** HEY! I AIN'T STUPID!! And I'll have you know that it's NOT a remake, it's an EXTENSION of my evil plans! Total difference!

Kammy: Er, I don't think His Evilness truly wants me to speak of it again…

**Bowser:** Of what?!

Kammy: What I was trying to explain, about magikoopa magic. How it seems to not affect Mario…

Iggy: Ah yes, most powerful magikoopa magic is. Against humans of Earth…not so much.

**Bowser:** Shut it, kid! You're ruinin' my reputation here!!

Kammy: It's a THEORY anyway, sire. I mean, it's not as if Earth humans are going to storm us. Why, they don't even know how to get in. *chuckles*

**Bowser:** Pahhh, I don't care!! They'll find a way, and unless you idiots figure out the cause, I'm screwed!

Iggy: Oh father, please. *grins*

Kammy: Nothing to worry about, sire! And…I'm sure Roy is…somewhat aware of Ignatius's fangirls?

Roy: Pft. They're prolly creepy cat ladies or sumthin'.

Iggy: FIEND!! They are not! They are young, lively specime- ER, WOMEN I MEAN, and they are in fact ready and willing to DIE for me! *puffs out chest*

Roy: DIE? Fo' you? Well I should 'tink so since I'm gonna end up KILLING you one of 'dese days.

Iggy: You foul scoundrel…

Roy: WHAT'RE YOU CALLIN' ME SPECS?!

Iggy:…*stands behind Kammy*

Kammy: I cannot protect you Ignatius, I'm smaller than you for heaven's sake! And quite old…

_ "I have plenty for you!_

1. For Bowser: Tell me, what is your best moment in Mario Kart?

2. For Jr.: How did you ride your dad's Koopa Clown Car?

3. Roy: How did you get so strong?

4. Bowser: In your animated adventure episode "Tag Team Trouble", how did you use your kids to sabotage the match?

5. All: What is your favorite color?"

_-dragon19kyoshi_

**Bowser:** My best moment? Huh, should be MOMENTS! They're when I win and beat the snot out of Mario 'course!

Kammy: Junior isn't here but…I suppose he controls it through the basic configuration? It's probably made a little easier, since his version is smaller in design.

Roy: How did I get so strong? I work out every day. 'Dat include punchin' Iggy's face in.

Iggy: FIEND!!!

Roy: An' eatin' a LOT. Meat, man, I'm tellin' ya.

Iggy: Yuck, you sound so vicious!

**Bowser:** And can you believe I've STILL never seen this show you're talkin' about? I just now heard about it. I bet it's awesome though, if it has ME in it. And my favorite color is red. It seriously is. Sauce-Face copied me.

Roy: I wonda' what mine is. I dunno, maybe I'm like, uh, COVERED in it. *smirks*

Iggy: Sarcasm isn't your…strong point, Roy. My favorite color, I too am wearing it. Isn't my hair lovely today?

Roy: Looks like you puked up yo' hair, Specs. *snickers*

Iggy: THE NERVE!!!

Kammy: Mine would be…purple. I too seemed to be garbed in it. Huh.

_ "I love the answers, now more question~  
(F ignore the typos, I can't write well to save my life -w-)_

Iggy: You are a little creepy but I'm used to it, and I love your vocabulary, wan XD I would love to go to your laboratory, wan! And I love fire and I like explotions so no problem -w- But don't try anything or you really are going to suffer -giggles evilly-  
OK now questions: Did you dye your hair green? The rainbow-colored one was cool  
Why do you experiment with Lemmy?! (Lemmy is so cute for his own good TwT)  
Were you the one that gave Lemmy his lazy eye then? o.o  
Oh, oh, CAN I PET YOUR HAIR?! PLEASE! -about to tackle him-

Bowser: What do you think of little-crazy-and-kinda-cute-laughing Fawful? Oh and, Your Panicness, don't worry, you aren't old, you just had too many medication so now you are allusinating~ Oh and I have a friend who gives therapy to some... of my other little friends, maybe you can get to ask her if she would want to give it a try, but sometimes they come out of that place worse than they have entered~

Kammy: you ARE cool, the problem is that people usually take passing comments to seriously, wan~

Roy: You aren't answering the questions -stare- but I will ask again, what do you think of the area that you had in SMW: Forest of Illutions?  
DARN IT! STOP BEING SUCH A BULLY, you 'cara de p- -censored-'! You will suffer the same fate as Iggy if he does something (tortured) or worse! They may be, and are, creepy, but it is no reason to beat them that much... oh, and do you beat Ludwig and Lemmy up too or only the younger ones?  
(I can't believe noone asked this, and that I myself didn't wrote it last time) is your favorite color pink? 'cause your head AND your shell were pink, and now your shell is purple but your head is light-purple color but it looks like pink so~  
Try to kill me, you won't be able to, I have weapons, wan ._. -death stare-

Oh, any of you speak Spanish, wan? XD"

Carito-fox~

Iggy: You can pet my hair, all day, of every day, of every forever if you would like. I dyed my hair, yes. Do you know what its natural color is? Do you? Hmm? Is it a mystery, ping-ponging its way throughout your very MIND? I will tell you. It's blonde. IS THAT NOT SHOCKING? Don't be shocked, you knew, admit it. Lemmy's was as well. Is that why people thought we were twins? Huhn. He volunteers for experimentation, I assure you. I've never forced anyone. *smirks* However, I cannot take credit for Lemmy's lazy cornea. No, that honor can be bestowed upon a thwomp that was once employed by us. Terminated, of course, for landing on dear Lemmy.

**Bowser:** FAWFUL?! BEAN KID? I HATE 'em! He RUINED my castle! And I ain't worried about bein' old, I was just loopy on headache meds. I'm hot, completely, and nothing will ever change that! AND I DON'T NEED THERAPY EITHER!!

Kammy: Sire is back to his old self, so I suppose I feel a bit better about it now. *smiles*

Roy: *sneers* Din't want to come on 'dis stupid question 'ting in da first place, but ok. I thought it was awright. Nuthin' to complain about. An' do I beat up my other bros? If 'dhey need it. Luddy, no, I'd never touch him. An' yea, I LIKE pink. Got somethin' ta say 'bout it? I ain't afraid of yo' dinky "toys." I got some o' my own…

Iggy: SI?

**Bowser:** See?

Kammy: Sea?

Roy: 'C'?

Iggy: Que. *grins*

**Bowser:** 'Kay?

Kammy: Quay?

Roy: THE HELL IS HE SAYIN'?!

Iggy: *giggles*

**Bowser:** You kids are weird, I'm tellin' ya…

Kammy: Erm…moving onwards then…*glances at Iggy strangely*

_ "Yo. It's me again._

Bowser, what headache meds do you use? I mean, like heavy-duty stuff or what?"

_-Luro-kun_

**Bowser: **Yea, it's heavy duty. Gotta get a prescription for it actually. If you lived with what I live with, and had to rule a whole kingdom on top of it, you'd go nuts.

Iggy: Father, we're of perfectly sane mind.

**Bowser:** *raises eyebrow* You're one to talk.

Iggy: *giggle*

Kammy:

"Of all the villains you had to work with Mario to beat, which one ** you off the most and/or the most satisfying to beat? Smithy, Fawful or Dimentio?

Also are Mario and others OK with go-karting/playing Tennis/shooting hoops/whatever with you on offtime?

-Vect the Atoner

**Bowser:** FAWFUL. AGHHH, I swear every time I hear his name I wanna punt him across 5 kingdoms and into Magma Mountain! And yea, I mean, like I've said, they're good for competition. I don't like pitting myself against weaklings. They ain't any fun to trounce.

Kammy: I would be no fun in sports, would I sire?

_ "Yep, I'm back with more questions and comments...muahahahaha!_

Bowser: They screen all the stuff you send her? Bah! What you should do is let me and Iggy go cause some chaos, and while everyone is distracted, you DON'T snag Peach. Instead, you give her the flowers, candy, and whatnot. Or, you could try ignoring her for a while, and let her see how it is when she ignores you. Some girls really can't stand being ignored. Also, if you're REALLY good at forgery, you could try forging a letter from her, the next time you kidnap her, that says she's left because she's no longer interested in Pasta-Face.

Iggy: Yay, we can hang out! If you don't mind hanging out with an older girl, then meet me tonight, and we can blow things up with one of your inventions and my Author's Hammer of Doom and Joy Grenades!

Roy: -snickers- I'm not afraid of you! You got beat with a P-Wing! -raises P-Wing- See what I have here? ANOTHER P-Wing! Muahahaha! And no, it's not cheating to use a P-Wing...it's called strategy. I like you better than Ludwig, though, if it makes you feel any better. You've got some really pimped sunglasses!

Kammy: Don't sell yourself short. Being a monarch AND a parent is a high-stress job, and being the aid of the monarch/parent is even more stressful! What you should do is make Kamek get off his lazy shell and be Bowser's aid while you go on a vacation.

Also, Bowser, when you finally destroy Mario, leave Luigi (Green 'Stache) alone. I like him, and he's always having to put up with Mario's crap. Besides, you don't want to destroy BOTH of the only two plumbers in the Mushroom Kingdom, do you?

P.S. Iggy, my favorite color just happens to be green. ^_^

-Anasazi Darkmoon

**Bowser:** I could never ignore Peachy, even if she WANTED me to. I just can't. It's too hard.

Kammy: That's so SWEET, sire!

**Bowser:** SHUT UP!! It is not!

Roy: Goin' soft, Pops?

**Bowser:** HELL NO.

Iggy: Older you say? I take them any way. Younger, older, sicker, in health, till death do us part. Just say I do, and I'm there.

Roy: *flips her off* Screw you! Wif your damn cheatin' P-Wings. Take me on wifout it and lessee how ya do. I ain't got respect for people who gotta RELY on stuff to fight wif. And hell yea, my sunglasses are pimped.

Kammy: Kamek is "busy" as he puts it, with training the troops. I say he's full of crap. Which he is. *glares*

**Bowser:** Green Stache is too stupid to pose a threat to me, so I'll let him frolic into the lava himself!

Iggy: *giggles* Frolic. Such a silly word.

Kammy: Indeed.

_"I got some more questions_

Bowser-How many castles do you have?

Roy-In New Super Mario Bros. Wii how did your pounds stop people from moving?

Bowser-Do you look at Bowser and Peach fanart on deviantART?

Kammy-Why have you only been it two games? (they should let you in more than just Paper Mario)

That it for now

_-Porky 2_

**Bowser:** BILLIONS!

Kammy: Sire…

**Bowser: **You're right, that's not realistic. TRILLIONS I meant. BWA HA HA!!

Roy: How did it sto- look, c'mon, when you slam inta the ground like 'dat and it causes a shockwave, how are ya supposed to get any bearin' on 'dat huhn? Ya can't.

**Bowser:**….There's fanart of us together?

Kammy: Sire, I swear, you're so introverted.

**Bowser:** I don't know HOW to use a computer, ok?! I'm too damn busy! But it's good to know that a gazillion people think we should be together. But a little creepy if people are drawin' us all the time…

Kammy: I don't know…I must be….boring…*looks down*

**Bowser:** A little.

Kammy: You're so comforting, sire. *rolls eyes*

**Bowser:** I try. *grins*

Kammy:

"_Bowser, to comfort you for your fear of aging, has it occurred to you that the Mario series is almost thirty years old and you haven't aged a day? Same with your kids, who seem to have only grown a few years, at most._

Iggy, do you typically experiment on unwilling victims, volunteers, or any of your siblings that don't move fast enough?

Roy, how do you feel about the accusation that pink is a girly color?"

_-LOTW_

**Bowser:** I know I look good, I was just loopy, I swear.

Iggy: Is that a gray hair, father?

**Bowser:** WUH-WHERE?!?!

Iggy: Oh, I am only kidding, father. *grins*

**Bowser:** I know….so….was I. *coughs nervously* Uh….moving on.

Iggy: As I said, I never "force" unwilling patrons into my experiments. *puts on a grin so unconvincing*

Roy: I feel 'dat it's stupid. Ya should wear whateva' the hell ya want. Who gives a flying-

Kammy: ROY. You're so…vulgar.

Iggy: VULGAR.

Roy: Do you want a beat down?!

Iggy: FIEND!

Kammy: Roy, no beat downs!

_ "I'm back with more questions from a little bit of a break!_

For Kammy: Why you didn't appear in "Super Paper Mario"?

Also... in Super Mario Galaxy, I think there is a Magikoopa who is kinda like you, goes by the name of Kamella or something like that. Have you heard of her?

Who is the true leader of the Magikoopas: you or Kamek?

For Bowser: Has your daughter Wendy ever listened to songs from singers or bands from the United Kingdom like... "Fight For This Love" by Cheryl Cole? The next time you see your daughter, can you ask her for me?

Also, have you ever tried ruling the entire universe instead of one kingdom?

Do you celebrate Halloween? I'm sure you do 'cause it's a holiday to celebrate about monsters, villains, ghosts etc, dress in costumes, throw a Halloween party or go out to do trick or treating.

Besides attempting to rule the Mushroom Kingdom, fighting with Mario and kidnapping Peach, what do you do in your spare time?

In Super Paper Mario, how did you felt when you were teaming up with Mario and Luigi?

For Kammy: In Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, why did you ask Bowser such a random and silly question about eggs?

And finally... Bowser, if you had three wishes what would you wish for if the Star Spirits didn't get in the way of your wishes?

Please answer them as soon as possible, whenever you have the time."

~Flowerstar

Kammy: *shrug* I can't control my game appearances any more than His Highness can control his children. Kamella is also a student of mine. She seems to be doing nicely. And….Kamek would most likely say himself. As he commands the troops, direct from His Highness.

**Bowser:** Dunno what the hell Wendy listens to. She likes those girls with the high-voices, and those boy band things. And, uh, HELLO, remember when I ripped up Peach's castle and kinda flew off with it into the universe? That was totally me, trying to take over it. And 'course we celebrate Halloween. What do you think we ARE? And I always feel crappy whenever I "help" Stache and Greenie. Feels wrong.

Kammy: I don't know, we get off track a lot, as you can see…

**Bowser:** It's you, you're always ranting about somethin' stupid.

Kammy: AM NOT, sire!

**Bowser:** SEE?! My three wishes would be…ONE, Peach and I get married and rule together, TWO for lava to be EVERYWHERE, and three, Mario would fall into a volcano and explode. The end.

Kammy: A beautiful story, sire.

"If Iggy an' Roy are still there, then tell Iggy I would like to pet his hair. and sorry about the "Twins" thing, i didn't want you to get mad... I don't want Iggy upset. :D

_1. What is your lab like, Iggy?_

you ever succeeded in any inventions?

(go rice krispies!)"

_-Darkrai-risen_

Iggy: Come in, and you'll find out. *eerie grin* And as for successful inventions, YES. I have. Come see those too.

Kammy: Oh, sire! Listen to this-

_ "Dear King Bowser,_

If you truly love me, can you please stop kidnapping me year after year? I'm getting sick and tired of this, whenever Mario rescues me he always defeats you no matter what. Haven't you learned your lesson yet? Can't you kidnap somebody else for a change and do something else rather than wreck havoc on my kingdom?

Yours truly,  
Princess Peach Toadstool

P.S. I'd rather love someone who saves me all the time and knows how I really feel than a vile villain who causes destruction to my beloved kingdom and harass my subjects."

**Bowser:** *groans* Peeeeeaaaach. I can't not kidnap you! See, if you keep sayin' stuff like this, it'll only make me kidnap you more.

Iggy: Reverse psychology? Does it work? DON'T come to my lab. *coughs* Did it work? Are you all storming my lab?

Kammy: One more and we're done for today, sire!

_ "__Thank you very much for answering my prior questions. I have a couple more, if you wouldn't mind._

1) The first one is open to anyone in the room: What is your favorite drink?

2) Why in the Aftergame did you have the Shroobs stowed away in a supposedly hidden freezer in one of your castles' basements? Considering that they were able to get a couple of their number out of the freezer (as evidenced by the fact that during that "show" that served to boost Fawful's own ego you could see a Shroob in the audience), didn't that ever strike you as a bad idea?

3) If your troops are such idiots, why not replace a good chunk of them with Magikoopas? I figure that since they practice magic, they have to be smart enough to think "outside the block", so to speak.

4) This is not so much of a question as a reply to Kammy's answer to my earlier question regarding her mental health. It's great to hear that you're doing better. I do hope that no one decides to mess with the spells or cause you to miss a treatment. As amusing as you were during the times I alluded to, it was a bit embarassing.

5) To Kammy when she shot down the idea of hypnotizing Mario into joining the Troop, what if Luigi was taken in as well? Peach would have to be captured of course and (going by the fact that the whole "Love Conquers Magic" thing) the Mario Brothers would have to be kept from coming in contact with her.

6) Why was it that you were unable to tell that the "mysterious" Mr. L was Luigi? I mean, he looks exactly the same except for his clothes having a different color scheme (though still a green theme) and he wore a mask over his face! Oh yeah, bandana around his neck and a belt on his waist. But seriously, aside from those superficial differences, it should had been obvious.

7) Does Roy have pink hair, pink scalp-scales, or is he wearing a pink mask over his head? I can't tell because of those massive glasses. ... On another note, is all the pink why he's such a brute? Pink is a typically "girly" color, just look at Wendy!

Thank you once again, and I have to say this in response to something your son Iggy said: the sane might claim their place, but the mad often sow lies. You clearly are off-kilter but you claim to be of perfect mental health. I would suggest that you go see a psychiatrist, but then Dark Land would be bereft of its royal mad scientist.  
~SladeJT

Iggy: Wine.

**Bowser:** You don't even drink alcohol!

Iggy:…Juice.

**Bowser:** And no…it did not. Seriously, we keep everything in the basement, that's where we keep Creepy Sire too.

Kammy: Creepy Sire…I wonder how he's doing. It's been years since we've seen him.

**Bowser:** And magikoopa magic doesn't even HIT Mario, so screw that idea. I'd be better off with my troops getting in some physical attacks, if they're not, y'know, still walking off cliffs. *glares*

Kammy: Hur…does sire even WANT Luigi in his troop?

**Bowser:** WHO?!

Kammy: You see? Sire doesn't even correlate Luigi to Green Stache. It would end tragically.

**Bowser:** Seriously, why are you bringing up Green Stache now, huh?

Kammy: The same goes for Mr. L. Honestly, sire doesn't have a clue.

**Bowser:** The hell, why are you talkin' about me, haggy?!

Kammy: And Roy seems to have been born that way…*glances around to look for him*

Roy: *off a little ways away* Yea, kinda had ta get used to the punk remarks 'bout pink bein' a girl's color. It ain't. Sucks havin' ta grow up bein' teased 'bout it though. 'Course I got 'em all back later, but not da point.

Iggy: Therapy? But why? Don't lock me away. I need not, a jacket of white wrapped around my chest. That I most certainly do not need.

Kammy: Well it's been most fun, children! Shall we say our goodbyes?

Roy: *walks off*

Kammy: ….I'm assuming that's Roy's farewell.

Iggy: The fiend. *scowls* I shall be back, my fair-weather friends. Fear not, I shall return.

**Bowser:** We'll see about that, kid.

Iggy: FINE. I shall await you, father, tonight, to discuss my future endeavors.

Kammy: Yes, submit your questions! King Bowser would love to hear them all.


	12. Not Even On Holidays?

Kammy: Really, sire, it's only for a few days.

**Bowser:** NO. You can't just up and leave whenever you WANT, haggy! I have a schedule too!

Kammy: *sigh* Hello to all of our probably terribly confused readers! You've come at a bit of a bad time…

**Bowser: **Haggy decided to take a vacation! A vacation, can you believe that?!

Kammy: Sire, I haven't had a vacation in three years! Plus it's Thanksgiving. It's a holiday. Don't I at least get holidays off?

**Bowser:** NO!

Kammy: Your Grumpiness!

**Bowser:** NUH-UH!

Kammy: Be reasonable!

**Bowser:** NOPE!

Kammy:…Oh what am I saying. *shoulders slump* Reasoning with sire is like trying to punch a thwomp. You'll only hurt your hand in the end.

**Bowser:** That's right! *crosses arms* You can't leave. Especially not now.

Kammy:*grumbles irritably and begins reading the first question*

"_Guess who? It's me!_

Bowser) Really?! So it's a extension of a plan that failed?! And also are you a baka?! If you can't even understand the fact that's been said in VARIOUS chapters, THAT GREEN STACHE'S NAME IS LUIGI! Seriously and don't diss Fawful, he's a better villian and actually has ORIGINAL PLANS!

Kammy) Kamek is a teme, making you take care of Bowser your self. If you ever want a vacation, let me know and I'll force that ** to take over for a chapter.

Bowser) Another question for his Fatness, you can't use a computer? This is just sad. I'd get a minion (Preferably Kammy or Kamek) to show you these websites. There are a LOT of people that draw gory Mario death art that you probably LOVE!

That't all I got and I'll see you next time.

PS: My offer of a original plan STILL stands

PSS: Kammy remember to let me know when you want a vacation."

_-NinetailsGirl09_

**Bowser:** Am I a WHAT? If you're GONNA insult me at least use words I understand. And what? I don't CARE about what Green Stache's real name is. He's not even important! And FAWFUL is a creepy stupid vegetable who talks funny. So there.

Kammy: Speaking of your offer for a vacation…

Bowser: NO. Don't even think about it! And what the hell, FAT? I'm not fat!

Iggy: Fat you are, father dear.

Bowser:…

Kammy:…

**Bowser:** WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

Iggy: *flinches slightly* I…don't…know. Oh, actually I do. *giggle* I came to you about my invention…

**Bowser:** C'mon Iggy give it a rest already. We tried it out yesterday and it blew up, AGAIN.

Iggy: Well to my later discovery I found wads of half eaten cookie shoved up the exhaust pipe. Now whom do we know ingests cookies, hm? I'LL TELL YOU WHOM. It was your blasted 8th son. *glares*

**Bowser:** Whatever. Not my problem your exhaust pipe gets cookie shoved in it.

Kammy: Can I continue with the questions please? For heaven's sake I need a vacation…

_King Bowser, I understand that what I am about to say is completely out of line, so please forgive me, but I have to say it. Does you liking Princess Peach technically mean you're into **?_

Iggy, are you still accepting volunteers? I'd gladly comply.

-LOTW

**Bowser:** Hey brat, while you're here answer that kid's question.

Iggy: BRAT. You scoundrel! And…*spins around and grins* I am always trolling for volunteeeeeers. Come to my lab today. You won't be sorry. It'll be wonderous!

**Bowser**: And does my liking her mean WHAT?!

Kammy: I'm uncertain but I think it's a very vulgar word, sire.

**Bowser:** In that case, YEA IT'S COMPLETELY OUTTA LINE!!

Kammy: Oh my…

"_These next questions are going to be the best and here they come..._

_1. Bowser: What is your favorite boss minigame in Mario Party DS?_

2. Roy: What special ability did you use?

3. Bowser: Can you show me your trademark fire breath attack?

4. All: What is your worst moment?

5. Kammy: Why did you team up with Bowser in Paper Mario 2?

6. Bowser: What is your special shot in Mario Hoops 3 on 3 and can you show it to me please?

7. Bowser: Why did you turn good at the end of Mario Party DS?

And the last one is for all of you: Tell me, who did you hate the most?"

_-dragon19kyoshi_

**Bowser:** I'm still hung up about the last question…

Kammy: Sire, forget it and answer the rest.

**Bowser:** NO. What if I don't wanna huhn?!

Kammy:…To answer your question dragon19kyoshi…I don't KNOW why I put up with His Crabbyness for so long, or even help him for that matter.

**Bowser:** Because if you DON'T "put up with me" it's straight to the dungeon, haggy!

Kammy: And what's this about sire ever turning good? Did any of you just hear him? Does that sound charitable?

**Bowser:** Geez, all this crap just for one lousy stinkin' vacation! What's your deal, haggy?!

Kammy: I'm….sorry, sire. It's the lack of sleep talking. I just have been so busy.

**Bowser:** Well so have I, ya know! I don't go around biting people's heads off.

Kammy:…No, you just go around inflaming them.

Iggy: Speaking of inflaming, I'd like to roast Mario on a spicket and watch as I calmly sip iced tea.

**Bowser:** I only do that when I'm drunk and you KNOW IT. And no, even if I showed you my fire-breath attack it's not like you Earth kids can do it!

Kammy: I bet they could, you, you blasted old-swarthy-*turns red*

**Bowser:** ….SWARTHY? And wow, your face, you look like you're about to explode. *grins*

Iggy: Did someone say 'explode'? *giggle*

Kammy: By darn it, sire, I need a one day vacation, that's all I ask! I hardly think you'd even notice my absence!

**Bowser:** For the last time, NO. EN-OH. Means 'no'. I'm not gettin' stuck with all my kids on a holiday. Ain't gonna happen. Make with the question reading, now, haggy.

Kammy: GAHHH!!!!! F-fine….

_Heya I have one question for Bowser:_

1) What are your Neighbours like? Don't they get annoyed with you and Mario's battles? Because I certainly would be annoyed if I was trying to watch...lets say...Waterloo Road and all I could hear was the BANG BANG BANG of your castle being destroyed by Mario...

Bye!

_-GlitterBunny_

**Bowser:** My neighbors? Oh I dunno. They really don't have any choice. I'd blow up their houses if they ever complained to me. Heh heh. And my castle can withstand ANYTHING. And you should watch me cream Mario instead of that stupid sounding show you just mentioned. Seriously, who watches T.V. when they could be watching me, being awesome?

Kammy: *glaring*

Bowser: Don't even start.

Kammy: POPPYCOCK!!

_Here are more questions for His Majesty and Kammy! :D_

1) Bowser, how did you answer those questions if you don't know how to use the computer?

2) Kammy, besides following Bowser around what do you do in your spare time?

3) Bowser, are you going to bring any more children in the room to answer the questions or is that it now?

4) Also, which room in the castle do you answer those questions that keeps coming in?

5) Have you ever tried breaking into Mario's house and kill him when he's sleeping?

6) Have ever you noticed that you kept on repeating history? Like... uprooting Peach's castle twice and constantly kidnapping the princess.

7) How do you celebrate your victory if you defeated your foes, taken over the Mushroom Kingdom, captured the princess and enslaved the population?

8) Did anyone tell you that Mario and Sonic were bitter rivals back in the past just like you and Mario throughout the years?

9) In Dancing Stage: Mario Mix, since when can you, Mario and Luigi can breakdance? Have you guys ever had any dance-offs?

10) Kammy, have you ever considered yourself a witch? 'Cause you have grey hair, ride on a broomstick, can cast spells etc.

11) Bowser, is there any other enemies you despise besides Mario?

12) Just out of curiousity, why do you call Mario names?

and lastly...

13) For both of you, what is your idea of fun?

I hope some of those questions aren't insulting or rude, I'm very curious as usual and if they are, I'm terribly sorry about that.

~Flowerstar

**Bowser:** And the questions aren't being typed out by us. They're being typed by the koopa in the corner of the room. Look at him over there. Heh heh, cowering in fear of me.

Kammy: As if I ever HAVE any spare time!!

**Bowser:** END OF DISCUSSION!!

Kammy: Sire, I am tired, your children are making me lose it big time. Do you want to know how I spend my evenings?! I spend them running for my LIFE. AND ALL I ASK IS ONE STINKIN' LOUSY-

**Bowser:**…

Kammy: I'm….sorry….sire. I'm just so tired…

Iggy: *staring at her* Cranky, aren't we?

**Bowser**:….WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!

Iggy: *straightens up in surprise* Uh…I…don't…know?

**Bowser:** Well get lost! Go…do…math problems or whatever it is you kids like to do.

Iggy: Alright, but expect the majority of your mattress to be eaten away by piranha plants…

**Bowser:** Are YOU threatening ME?

Iggy:…..No. *quickly side-steps out of the room*

Kammy: See? Don't you see how exhausting they are?!

**Bowser:** BAHHHH! Pipe down haggy so I can think straight. Uh…Lemmy wants to come on. Don't think he knows what the hell this is though. And this is the question answering room of course.

Kammy: It's a spare room. Literally. Chairs and a window. Although the stone-work in here is quiet lovely- SIRE, PLEASE LET ME TAKE OFF ONE DAY!!!

**Bowser:** Shut up! Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!! And NO, I've never done that. That would be cheating. I don't cheat. Except when I feel like it. And I don't repeatedly kidnap Peachy. I give her at least two days resting time. And hell, if I ruled over everything and Peach was mine, what more of a celebration could there be?!

Kammy: I agree with His Highness, even though I'm super duper angry with him right now.

**Bowser:** Yea yea, whatever. And no kidding? Well it just goes to show that everyone hates Mario and it's NOT JUST ME. And 'course we've had dance-offs. I love competing.

Kammy: I'd like to think of myself as a-

**Bowser:** Hag.

Kammy: *glares* I was going to say sorceress…

**Bowser:** Huh. Wonder what the difference between a witch and a hag is.

Kammy: If you're going to insult me, at least give me a day off for it.

**Bowser:** COME ONNNNNNNNN. I have needs too ya know. And since I'm king, they come before yours. And other people I hate? Sure there's plenty I'm annoyed with. It's a pretty long list. And Meatball-Face has every name I have for him coming. It's too hard NOT to call him names.

Kammy: His Highness actually has days in which we're not allowed to say the 'M' word.

**Bowser:** And my idea of fun? Watching haggy squirm. Taking over every kingdom.

Kammy: Well I'm oh-so pleased that my spiral into insanity makes you happy, sire.

Nya~

_"Bowser: Ok, I see you hate Fawful... what about Cackletta?  
And when I was talking about the therapy, I mean it for err... Iggy there, remember that in chapter 10 you say that ou should send him to a therapist, wan?_

Roy: What do you prefer, fighting with hands/claws or stomping the ground and causing a shockwave? And I don't care what you think of my 'toys' I still can use them againist you, wan -w- And I can run very fast so I think i can avoid your attacks, and besides, fangirls have special powers and the fanwars are even worse than nuclear ones, da wan .w.

Iggy: Good to know that you didn't experiment on Lemmy when he didn't want to... but be careful, alright, wan? TwT  
I WILL GO TO THAT LABORATORY! when this guards let me go of course -w- -trapped by paratroopas- And I get to pet the hair~ =3 Ok... now, which place do you prefer, your past castle in Giant Land(SMB3), Yoshi's Island(SMW) or Toxic Forest(NSMBW), wan?  
... YOU TALK SPANISH!! -glomp- te adoro TwT

Kammy: I shouldn't be asking this but... what is Kamek to you? A relative, a rival, a friend, a foe or something else?  
Any idea of who was the Magikoopa that appeared in Lemmy's castle in Vanilla Dome? If you do, tell him/her/it that I despise him/her/it -w- (But if you are it then... gr ._. -stare-)  
Oh, and my favorite color is purple too x3

Sorry, I'm out of imagination XD Oh and are the others going to appear soon, wan?"

_-Carito-Fox_

**Bowser:** Cackletta can kiss my-

Kammy: SIRE.

**Bowser:** My kids aren't even here!

Kammy: I don't want to hear about someone kissing your unmentionables. And it's offensive to the readers!

**Bowser:** Pft. They get what they pay for.

Kammy: This is a non-profit questionnaire, sire…

**Bowser:** WHAT?! Screw that, charge by the question, haggy! And hey, my kids, they ain't here. So your questions for them get fed to the chain chomps, if y'know, words could be fed to them.

Kammy: I could materialize words, and feed them to the chomps if that would please his sire.

**Bowser:** Nah, I'm good.

Kammy: And Kamek? He's…regrettably, a relation of mine. I'd rather just leave it at that.

"_Bowser, you're just so adorable when you gush about Peach! X3 Can I hug you? -huggles anyway- Oh, also, how did it feel when the Elder Princess Shroob (a.k.a. The Ugly Purple Peach-Wannabe Space-Cow) possessed you in Partners in Time? Did it feel really gross? Also, don't cover ALL the world in lava when you finally take over...it would make Peach sad, and you wouldn't want to do that, would you?_

Iggy: -huggles and pets his hair- You're too cute, you maniacal Koopa, you! ^_^ I LOVE a good evil laugh! Muahahaha!

Roy: -looks at the finger- Is that an offer? And I'm not afraid of you! Just so you know, I HAVE beaten you without the P-Wing...it's just more fun to watch you flop around in frustration. But hey, you gotta teach me how you learned to walk on the ceiling without suction cups or whatever in Super Mario World. That was a really neat trick! And tell me where I can get some shades like those!

Kammy, don't let Kamek lie to you! I've seen him sneaking over here to Earth to watch TV and stuff! And he badmouths you AND Bowser AND the kids when he thinks no one can hear him!"

_-Anasazi Darkmoon_

Bowser: ADORABLE?! Who told you that you have the RIGHT to call me adorable, huhn?!

Kammy: I gave them permission.

**Bowser:** SCREW YOU! And actually…I…don't even remember that. And hell, I'll do whatever Peachy wants.

Kammy: Oh I know he badmouths me, and I know he's been to Earth. I have my own nefarious plots in motion for him…

**Bowser:** He goes to Earth? Behind my BACK?!

Kammy: Not to worry sire, I'll take care of him.

_ "If something goes wrong with the plumbing in your castle, who do YOU have to call?_

Also who's in charge of designing those BS traps in your castles? Have you or your kids ever gotten stuck in those hallways where you can only tell the correct doors by a sound or had to climb your way across?

Why is it that only one of your kids look like you? Would you attribute that to "Whatsherface's" side of the family?"

**Bowser:**….Mario. There. I admitted it. I'M NOT ABOVE ASKING FOR A PROPER PLUMBING JOB!! 'Course I don't pay him with real money. Heh heh. And those traps? They're dumb, right! I blame Kammy for everything.

Kammy: If things go wrong it's because I'm TIRED and can't focus. I'd be as good as new if I had some time to myself…

**Bowser:** Geez, you're like an annoying broken record!! And yea, that's Whatsherface's fault. Nobody in MY family had blonde or blue hair.

Kammy: Well it seems we're done for today, sire. *sighs*

**Bowser:** Good.

Kammy: *sadly looking away*

**Bowser:** Oh come on. Knock it off. You'll get over it!

Kammy: *sighs dramatically*

**Bowser:** Sheesh, are you gonna be like this until I let you take off a few measly hours?!

Kammy: Just a few hours is all I ask sire…

**Bowser:** FINE. TAKE 'EM. But you better be there when I tell ya to be, or this ain't EVER happening again!

Kammy: YOU'RE SERIOUS?!

**Bowser:** Just a few hours! Hear me? Not a whole day. See? No one can I say I'm a complete jerk. And you backtalk me when you're tired. I don't like that.

Kammy: WHOOOOPEEE! THANK YOU SIRE, OH JOYOUS DAYS!!

**Bowser:** Damn. *crosses arms*

Kammy: Join us next week for an exciting questionnaire, and OH SWEET HEAVENS I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO NAP FOR ONCE!!!


	13. The Guards Are Asleep?

Kammy: I am back and feeling refreshed! Hello to all our nice and friendly viewers.

**Bowser:** Good for you. I feel like hell.

Kammy: Hard time with the children, sire?

**Bowser:** Pft, you have no idea. Explosions galore. Food everywhere. Even my nightmares aren't as horrific as yesterday. I hate you for leaving me for so long.

Kammy: Aw, grumpy sire. Cheer up, we can answer some questions!

**Bowser: ***grumbles irritably*

Kammy: I shall take that as a yes!

_ "__Dear Bowser,_

I have lots of questions that need answering, and you're just the Koopa to do it! What would you do, if you were about to deal a finishing blow to Mario, and Princess Peach jumped in the way, and you accidentally hit her, instead?

Also, do Koopa eggs come in different colors, or are they just flat white like chicken eggs? If they're colored, can you tell the gender of the child inside by the color? Are they hard-shelled like a bird's, or leathery like most reptiles? Or are they born live, like rattlesnakes?

You might want to cover sensitive Koopaling ears for this next question. If you married Princess Peach, did you plan on one of you using birth control, or were you planning on letting your half-breed spawn rip her apart from the inside with its claws and spikes and possible shell? Or are Koopa infants not taloned and spiky at birth? How would you two even...uh...get to know each other in the Biblical sense, anyway? Wouldn't you just end up clawing her up accidentally when you got too excited?

Also, what's up with you and your kids being weak against Fire Flower fireballs, when most of you can breathe fire, and live in a kingdom full of lava? Are the Fire Flowers magic, or something? Are there any poisonous Koopas, because that would be an awesome power to have.

Do you sleep on your back, or on your stomach? If you sleep on your back, how do you keep shell-spikes from tearing your bed up? I'm assuming you sleep on a bed, because it'd be awfully unKingly of you to just sleep on the floor.

Have you ever spanked your rugrats? How does that work, with them having a shell, and all? Or do you have Kammy or Kamek or some random Magikoopa blast them with a spell in lieu of a spanking?

What if Mario started abusing the Princess? What if you kidnapped the Princess, and instead of coming to the rescue, Mario just sent you a note that said "Keep her, I'm tired of always having to save her!" What if Peach kidnapped you, and your kids had to come rescue you?

And for the semi-grand finale: What would happen if an unstoppable force hit an unmovable wall?

Anyway, thanks in advance for asking all my questions!

Nosy Ninja, AWAY!"

**Bowser:** THE HELL?! Why would you even THINK up a scenario like that?! That's terrible! I'd feel even worse than when I lose to Pepperoni-Face!

Kammy: Actually I'd sort of giggle…

**Bowser:** DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! Even though that would totally NEVER happen, it's awful to think about! I refuse to even think about punching Peachy!!

Kammy: Erm…and…as stated before, the color of koopa eggs determine the species it is. Whether it'll be a member of the paratroopas, or the hammer troopas. The gender isn't revealed, ironically, making it hard to do any advanced shopping for baby toys and what not…

**Bowser:** Yea, tell me about it. With all the boys I have I was POSITIVE that Wendy was a boy too. But look at that, nope. All the stuff we bought her was blue. Had to take it back to the damn store! And Kammy, what the hell did I tell you about SCREENING this crap that comes in?

Kammy: I said I'd get on it, sire. *coughs*

**Bowser: **Lazy good for nothing-!!

Kammy: Uhm. I'm not even erm…CERTAIN humans and dragonkoopa can even reproduce….not that they even SHOULD. I mean, that would be pretty scary looking…

**Bowser:** *turning red* I'm not sayin' nothin'…

Kammy: Ooh, fiddlesticks. I always have to answer the difficult ones. Gah. Uhm. Females are never hurt by koopa births as they are always eggs. Eh-herm. Uh. Since humans do not…LAY eggs…it would be highly impossible to…attempt to….What I mean is. Let's move on.

**Bowser:** Yea. Uh. *coughs* Well uh. Lava's terrific. But I mean, let's face it. No matter how great the sun is, you wouldn't want to LIVE on it, so to speak. Using that as a….uh…

Kammy: Metaphor, sire?

**Bowser:** RIGHT. One of those. I mean, yea, I like hot stuff, but I don't sit around all day shoving my hand into 800 degrees worth of magma. That's stupid. And painful!

Kammy: And dangerous, sire.

**Bowser:** Uhm. For the most part I uh…take off my shell when I sleep. I mean, there's times when I could sleep IN it but…it's kinda…cramped in there. So….no shell, no problem. And spanking? I've found better ways to deal with my kids. Like public humiliation. Taking away their stuff. Putting them on guard duty. Guard duty is great by the way. *chuckles* No one ever even THINKS about coming to my castle unless for a good reason, so my kids are left patrolling an empty drawbridge all day.

Kammy: It's pretty funny, watching them fall asleep. *grins*

**Bowser: **Yea-HEY! They're not supposed to fall asleep on duty! What if someone actually DID come? Useless kids. And what's all this talk about abusing Peachy?! What's your deal? I'd hafta seriously pummel Mozzarella-Head if he dared lay a hand on her. And if Mario stopped coming? GREAT. Perfect. And…uh…how would Peachy even…kidnap me? Not that I'd mind but uh…I'm a lot bigger than her. So it'd be kinda uh...hard. And I mean…is it even kidnapping if you WANT to be kidnapped? How does that work?

Kammy: I'm not quite sure how consensual kidnappings work, sire…

**Bowser:** Feel free to kidnap me, Peach, anytime. *grins*

Kammy: Would this unstoppable force you're referring to be…His Highness?

**Bowser:** Huhn? Better be.

Kammy: Hitting an unmovable wall? Why, that sounds like when I had to pry sire out of the wall from an explosion.

**Bowser:**….Oh. In that case, it better NOT be me that guy is referring to. I don't want a repeat. I don't like the taste of cinder block y'know…

Kammy: I would imagine not, without any seasonings added.

"_What's up with that flying clown copter? Why a clown? That's just lame! You should trick it out to look like a skull, or paint an epic portrait of you triumphing over Mario, or even make it look like the Mona Lisa! Anything but that retarded clown!"_

_-Your Mom_

**Bowser:** MY mom? She's dead. Must be yours, hag-zilla.

Kammy: I think it's a joke, sire.

**Bowser:** And I think we've been over why I drive a freakin' clown coptor. I mean, sure, I could update my coptor to look like something else, but it's kinda a trademark now.

Kammy: Plus His Highness is totally lazy.

**Bowser:** That too.

Kammy: Ah well.

"_Just when you thought you'd be rid of me, I'm back with another round of questions and general things to say! Muahahahahaha!_

Yes, Kamek comes to Earth. I don't know how he's managing it, or I'd follow him back. But next time you see him, either you or Kammy should ask him about those Animal Planet documentaries on the Galapagos Giant Tortoise, and why he blushes and drools while watching them...

And you ARE adorable! It's possible to be ferocious and adorable at the same time, you know. It doesn't make you any less of a man...Koopa...whatever.

If you find out how Kamek's coming to Earth, would you come visit me? -looks hopeful- I'm a big fan of yours! Just...don't bring your kids, except maybe Iggy and Junior, because they're adorable. I'll cook you a good dinner, and help you plot against Mario and stuff!

Also, I know you don't read fanfiction, but since your minions and kids do, you can ask them about it. In "Year of the Wiggler" it turns out that Ludwig ends up with a boyfriend. Is Darkland an openminded place, or are you against that sort of thing? Anyway, you really should take the time out of your Peach-napping schedule to read it.

What would you do if someone besides you kidnapped Peach, and Mario was either unwilling or unable to rescue her? Would you go do it instead? What would you do if you were trying to kidnap Peach, and you accidentally grabbed some random person on accident? Would you wait and see if the mario Brothers would try to rescue them? Let them go? Or would you just chuck them in the dungeon for the rest of forever? What if the person you kidnapped was a fangirl? What would you do then?"

_-Anasazi Darkmoon_

**Bowser:** Whatever porn Kamek watches in his spare time is his business.

Kammy: Oh goodness….

**Bowser:** *grumbles* And I am NOT adorable. I have freakin' claws and SPIKES. Nothing about that should be adorable, unless you're twisted. And I don't have time to go to Earth. Not that I'd want to anyway.

Kammy: Not since your…ahem…blow drier scam. As ridiculous as it WAS, Your Pathetic-ness.

**Bowser:** PATHETIC? 'SCUSE ME?! It was not! Melting Antarctica was a damn good idea. If the damn driers hadn't blown a fuse, we wouldn't be having this discussion!

Kammy: I still don't understand why you'd use driers instead of your own fire breath. Granted, it would still be just as effective.

**Bowser:** Because I wasn't about to stand on an ice patch all day and BLOW at it, haggy! What a waste of my energy! And WHATEVER the hell my kids do in their spare time, it's their business. If something like that comes up, I don't wanna know.

Kammy: Behind closed doors, sire…

**Bowser: **Yea, DON'T wanna know. And hell yea, does anybody remember when the X-Nauts kidnapped my Peachy? I totally went to go save her, while Mustachio played all day. And speaking of kidnapping random people, I have before, by total accident. Sometimes it's hard to see in the dark. But when that happens I just toss 'em over board. And a fangirl? Damn, I'd THROW her over board.

Kammy: Those pesky fangirls, sire!

"_I've returned! More questions for you!_

Bowser) Baka is Japanese for stupid/idiot/fool and is also the Spainish word for cow. Luigi/Green Stache is important you over-weight lazy slaving driving lizard! And bring Kamek in! We want to torture him already!

Still offering a original plan, Bye"

_-NinetailsGirl09_

Bowser: Where in that was any questions, huhn?! More like INSULTS I'd say.

Kammy: Kamek has been making excuses for weeks. He's far too "busy training the troops." Oh I'm sure. *scowls*

_ "Bowser, 1 question!_

When you fight Dark Bowser in M&L: BIS, how do you win the fight?

And 1 for Kammy.

Why did you team up with him?"

_-dragon19kyoshi_

**Bowser:** I'm pretty damn sure I already answered that question.

Kammy: I believe you did, sire. And what do I team up with His Highness? So I am not fired, probably.

**Bowser:** And by fire, she means FIRE. *grins* I like to leave all of my ex-employees with a scar to remember me by.

Kammy: Painful memories for some, I'd imagine.

_ "In Super Mario Galaxy, during the scene before the final battle, as Mario was running up to you, it occured to me that if you just took a single step at the opportune moment, you could just squish him and that would be that. My question is, how does someone as huge and powerful as you fail to defeat a short, fat plumber time after time?  
Oh, and when is Lemmy coming on?"_

_-LOTW_

**Bowser:** Well that's just IT though. My body is so massive and strong. Meat-face has a lot less weight to carry so he's a lot quicker. I mean, there's been a couple times where I've tried to squash him like a bug but…what fun in there is that?

Kammy: Me thinks sire is coping a plea.

**Bowser:** NO. I'm just STATIN' FACTS! Maybe I don't WANNA squish Mario, did ya think of that? Maybe I want my victory to be a long and agonizing one! So there!

Kammy: And dear Lemmy is coming on next time actually, so think up some questions for the clown prince, yes?

_ Bowser._

"I have seen your question and answers thing, and I have to say, it's pretty interesting. I know that doesn't mean much because you hate me and I hate you. And the only reason I hate you is because of ALL of the stories that Peach has told me about you kidnapping her. I mean it. She basically hates all of the kidnapping and sometimes, when she mentions your name, she has a bad look in her eyes, especially if you kidnapped her. And she told me that she couldn't believe that you had Jr. thinking that Peach was his MOM! That's way every time she thinks of Mario, she has a look in her eyes that feels that she loves him. She says that he is a MUCH nicer guy and she doesn't believe in nice guys finish last. She has even said that if you were a nicer guy in the beginning, she might have dated you. But at the same time she thinks that if she slept in the same bed as you, you might accidentally squish her and if you two had kids, she would be freaked out and in a bad way. Since you don't want to hear anything from me, I really don't care. And would have not hatted you if you were just nicer."

_-Princess Daisy_

**Bowser**: I didn't know they let CRAZY people near computers.

Kammy: You obviously haven't seen the Rule 34 site, sire.

**Bowser:** And naw, she doesn't love Mario. I mean, LOOK at the guy. He's a joke! Pft. Shows how much you know, Princess Crazy.

Kammy:

"_Bowser,_

Have you ever tried being NICE to someone? And if you have, how did it feel?

Oh, and i WOULD want to watch you cream Mario, but you NEVER have a live audience during your Mario Battles. Maybe you should consider getting a live audience like on those chat show things?

PS: Waterloo Road isn't stupid, and maybe it would be good for you to watch some TV, then you'd get a break from your kids. And if they tried to disturb you, just put guards infront of your door! :P

Bye!"

_-GlitterBunny_

**Bowser:** Yea I did once, actually. It was a Tuesday. I'll never forget it. I felt immediately guilty afterward so I set someone's house on fire. *grins*

Kammy: His Nastiness is best suited for vileness and general not goodness!

**Bowser:** And I've versed Mario with an audience before y'know. Sport competitions and fight competitions. Shows what you know, sittin' in your house all day watchin' Water-whozit-whatsitface.

Kammy:

_ "Hey, Bowser, i just totally wooped u in NSMBW._

Anyway, i was over at th castle on the weekend. Did u even know i was there? Oh, by the way, Kammy, i got back at Kamek for ya. I stole his blueprints of Junior's balloon. Of course, junior broke that, as well as His highness's Clown car. It's not my fault! I was on his airship and he just hopped in it! hopefully u have insurance... of some sort."

_-Darkrai-risen_

**Bowser:** WHAT?! The hell?! How'd you even get in, you little twerp?!

Kammy: The guards are not very thorough are they, Your Obliviousness?

**Bowser:** Just like my idiot troopers who WALK OFF CLIFFS!! And the hell, this kid is stealin' blueprints from us now?!

Kammy: Erm…speaking of the clown coptors, they are totaled, sire.

**Bowser:** BAHHHH!!! THIS IS WHY NONE OF MY PLANS EVER WORK!!

Kammy: So sorry for another misfortune in your life, sire.

_ "I just want to say that this is AWESOME_

Bowser: Have you ever played any xbox games like halo? I'm sure you hate the mario games, but surely you enjoy shooting games.

Bowser: I'm standing right outside the front door to your castle! Look out the window and you'll see me waving at you right now!

Kammy: How was your few hours off?

Bowser: I'd seriously consider a therapy plan for iggy, but I'm interested in you having wendy answer some questions, is there a chance of her coming on?

Please answer oh king of awesomeness and hag of unfortunateness,"

The0ptimus

**Bowser:** Halo? Never heard of it. And the hell?! *gets up to look* GET THE HELL OFF MY DRAWBRIDGE YOU LITTLE TURD!!! *turns to look at Kammy* How the hell are these kids getting past my guards?!

Kammy: *shrugs and coughs nervously* Erm…my few hours off? Wonderous. I enjoyed them. I slept.

**Bowser:** FFFFFF-!!! *shakes with rage* I'll deal with my crappy guards later. And Wendy? She'll prolly come on after Lemmy. Not that I should LET her, since she was 15 minutes past her curfew last night…

Kammy: One more set, sire!

_"This is awesome, please answer my questions oh lord of awesomeness:_

Bowser: Surely you've played some good playstation games (besides guitar hero), do you have any?

Bowser: I'm right outside your castle door right now! Look out your window and you'll see me waving at you!

Kammy: How were those few hours of sleeping? BTW how much do you get paid?

Bowser: If you were able to kick so much ** with your new attacks and moves in Bowsers inside story, then why couldn't you just use all those moves on mario?

Bowser: Do you celebrate christmas?

Thank you for answering oh fatty and slave!"  
The0ptimus

**Bowser:** Pahhh, if this gets you off my drawbridge any faster, you little punk. Yea, my kids have a lot of games. AND WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!?! GET OFF MY BRIDGE YOU LITTLE SNOT!! *flails his fist at him through the window*

Kammy: *ignoring his tantrum* I slept like a small baby. It was wonderful. And…paid? His Highness does not PAY me.

**Bowser:** I pay you by not KILLING you, haggy!

Kammy: *swallows nervously* Yes, I am paid with life points. Every day I wake up is another paycheck for my life.

**Bowser:** And duh, I USE those moves on Mario but he's just so damn fast. Little punk. And Christmas? Yea, we celebrate Christmas. NOW GET OFF MY BRIDGE!!!!

Kammy: Join us next time, with the inclusion of dear little Lemmy. Tis the season, readers!


	14. The Children Are Multiplying?

Kammy: HELLO CRAZY AND THOUGHTFUL EARTH CHILDREN!!

**Bowser:** Yeesh, let's tone it down a notch, Kammy.

Kammy: ….Well alright. Greetings and salutations, sweet and occasionally crunchy Earth children.

**Bowser:**….Crunchy? BAHH. Forget it. I don't wanna know. Start the question thing, now!

Kammy: Yes, Your Frightfulness!

"_Bowser, have you ever considered bringing Princess Peach on the show during one of your kidnapping expeditions?_

_Lemmy, how does it feel to be the cutest thing Nintendo has ever created?  
Do you like snow/ice? There must be at least four Mario games where you have eithered conquered an ice-themed land or are just frollicking in the snow.  
Why the ponytail?  
Are you close to your brother Iggy?  
Are you going to turn your hair into a veggie too?  
Do you roll on your ball to make up for your height or are you just that precious?"_

_-LOTW_

**Bowser:** Pft, I totally would but she'd prolly scream so much and not answer your questions anyway, just to spite me.

Lemmy: Dad-deeeeee. What's ice?

**Bowser:** It's the stuff that's cold, brat. *rolls eyes*

Lemmy: And what are veggies? Are they some sort of wedgie? What's a wedgie?

**Bowser:** See what I mean? I gotta deal with this all day!

Lemmy: DON'T QUESTION MY BALLS! Oops.... that doesn't sound right. Is it right, Dad-dee?"

**Bowser:** *huge sigh* Sure, whatever.

Lemmy: *grins and thumbs up* Okay! And yes, I love my brother Igg-ster very a lot... even if he did kinda messed up my eye.

**Bowser:** *raises a brow* Really? Iggy told me it was a thwomp. Damn, I fired it for nothing, then!

Lemmy:Hagg-ee, do you like my head tale?

Kammy:*assuming he's meaning his ponytail* Erm…it's…uh…nice, of course, little Lemmy. *grins slightly*

_ "__HAH! I'm still camping on your bridge right now! Its too bad there isn't one of those "useless" switches you keep yelling at kammy about, then you could get rid of me for sure. I have just a few more questions though:_

Lemmy: Is iggy your delusional retarted clone? Because he looks alot like you, just taller.

Bowser: Are you gay?

Bowser: I'm sure if you let me in your castle right now I could help you scheme to destroy mario.

Bowser: Midbus SUCKS, but did you know his original name was sowser? Could this mean he has an unknown family relation to you?

Still on your drawbridge,"

The0ptimus

**Bowser:** RGHHHH, SHUT UP!! AND WHAT'D I SAY, YOU SNOT-NOSED LITTLE FREAK?!

Kammy: Calm down, Your Furyness, remember your blood pressure….

Lemmy: What's a delusional? And Igg-sters not retarded! He's awesomer than you!

**Bowser:** *shaking with rage* IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE STUPID QUESTION, I'MMA COME DOWN THERE AND FREAKIN' LIGHT YOU ON FIRE, HEAR ME?!!?

Kammy: Oh my, I'm sure you don't want that, small Earthling. Not very pleasant. And very smoky you'll be. And quite possibly dead.

"_Lemmy: Why is it that until recently, you and Iggy looked practically alike, and now he's got a turnip-style hairdo and you're still the same? What happened to the whole twins illusion?_

Bowser: I don't see why Mario keeps taking back your WIFE. Doesn't he remember Super Paper Mario?"

_-TheStarsAreFalling_

Lemmy: IGG-STER IS NOT MY TWIN!!! HE'S MY YOUNGER, uh--COOLIER BROTHER!

**Bowser:** Yeesh, don't get your ponytail in a knot.

Lemmy:...I have a ponytail?

**Bowser:** *rolls eyes* AND THANK YOU. THAT'S what I'M sayin'! Peachy's mine, and no one not even Overalls-in-a-bunch understands that!! One of these days he will though, I'mma pound it into his thick SKULL.

Kammy: Pound away you shall, Your Fistyness!

"_These next set of questions are going to be fun and here they come..._

For Lemmy: Why did you use your ball in the games and what can you do with it?

Bowser: Tell me, how many times did you appear in the Paper Mario series?

Bowser: I love Mario Party and all of the spaces but my question to you is what is your favorite space in the Mario Party series?

All: Favorite Shape?

And the last one is for the Koopa King: If you love to breathe fire on Mario & company, how did you do it?"

_-dragon19kyoshi_

Lemmy: My ball? I can dance on it, I can jump on it, and do many trickies!"

**Bowser:** Huhn, like, what in each GAME? How should I know! Hopefully a lot, since people only play those games to see ME in 'em anyway.

Kammy: Oh of course, sire. No other reason needed!

**Bowser:** And space like…outer space? What? Space as in what I'm standin' in now? Ya gotta be clear on these things, kid.

Kammy: Space could mean a lot of things. In this case, I'm going to assume it means on a playing board.

**Bowser:** So…what the players LAND on? Uhh….Ooookay. I basically like my own, 'Cuz why wouldn't I wanna like, steal people's coins and generally cause a disturbance?

Kammy: Shapes? I…suppose I enjoy…things of a triangular nature…*scratches head*

**Bowser:** Shapes? What is this PRE-SCHOOL?! I don't stop to admire shapes!!.....Although I do like weird shapes like…octagons…hexagons…those are kinda….BAHHH, NEVER MIND!! And Kammy already explained all that nonsense about how I breathe fire.

Lemmy: *chewing on his ball*

Kammy: Erm…right…

"_Oh, two questions I forgot,_

Bowser: I think it would be interesting for you to capture mario (like in super princess peach) and force him to answer some questions! What do you think of this?

Bowser: If you love your "peachy" so much, then why did you try to kill her at the end of super princess peach in that final battle when you grew giant? Seems a bit suspicious to me.

Camping out on your bridge,"

The0ptimus

**Bowser:** PFT. What would you wanna ask Noodle-Breath anythin' for?! This isn't called, 'Let's Bring In Bowser's Greatest Rivals To Question Them On Stuff'!!!! I think it's a CRAPPY idea!

Kammy: Quite right!

**Bowser:** AND HEY. I wasn't gonna KILL Peach. She wanted a fight so I "gave her one." I was totally holding back and everything. She wasn't in any real danger. But don't tell her I said that! She'll think I'm all soft and stuff. And you have like, five seconds to move your ass from my bridge or I'm gonna send out a squad of chain chomps!!

Kammy: Take it from me, you do NOT want the chain chomps to come out.

_ "__I've returned once again Kingy! And I didn't send you any questions last time cause I ran out._

Lemmy) So were did you get the habit of balancing on a ball from? Did Iggy's experiments hurt and what does his lab look like? I also heard you like the cold, is it true?

Bowser) You really need to get out more often, you know that? Why is you get asked embrassing stuff and your 'Second-in-Command' doesn't? If it was me, I'd make him suffer as much as me. Would you agree?

Kammy) Said the word and I'll go and bring Kamek in right now. Or next chapter so we can ask him stuff, Heh heh heh.

Bowser) What do you think of me, really I want to know. One last thing Bowsly, look out the window and if you see a brown-haired, blue-eyed girl giving you the middle finger, that's me."

_-NinetailsGirl09_

Lemmy: My ball? Just practice. And sometimes Igg-ster's...thingsies do hurt, but some are quite nice. *grins*

**Bowser:** I don't know. Maybe because you snot-faced little brats ENJOY tormenting me! Although I should totally punch Kamek when I get outta here, for watching porn during work hours…

Kammy: Oh I already made him pay for that, sire.

**Bowser:** WAIT A SECOND….*storms over to the window* FFFFFFFFFFF, HOW'RE THESE KIDS GETTING IN?!?! YOU GUARDS DOWN THERE DO YOUR FREAKIN' JOBS!!

Kammy: I'll take care of them later, sire. *nervous grin* Just hold out for a few more questions.

**Bowser:** DAMMIT, FINE. But only a few more and then I'm really gonna go down there and freakin' knock some sense into those brats!

Kammy: Fine with me, sire!

_"__No, Bowser, I'm YOUR mom. I'm possessing some random person and forcing them to write letters. How's the kingdom going with me and your dad gone? Why are you getting your shell kicked by a big-nosed pasta-muncher and his crybaby brother? It's disgraceful!_

Also, just so you know, apparently, when I died, I ended up getting shipped to some place called "Yomamastan", and all anyone ever does here is make Yo Mama jokes. Does that make any sense to you?"

_-Your Mom_

**Bowser:** Whoa, mom. Didn't know you were still hangin' around. No room in hell for ya? *chuckles as Kammy glares at him* Erm…I'm freakin' good, I guess. Kingdom's fine. As for the pasta-muncher, he's just a small setback in my otherwise flawless plans for world domination.

Kammy: Glad to see that sire's mother is….doing….well? *a bit disturbed*

**Bowser:** Well I wouldn't exactly say well, since y'know, she's dead and all. *grins*

Kammy: This might cause some horrific nightmares…*shudders*

"_I'm back with more questions._

That first question I asked...the one about hitting Peach? I was pretty sure you would answer the way you did? So is that why you usually have her locked in the dungeon when Mario shows up?

If you don't plan on...you know...with her, what ARE you going to do with her? Look at her? Make her cook you dinner? Make her raise your kids while you go on vacation?

Your shell comes off!? That's really weird! Do you have any naughty tattoos you're hiding under it?

I figured you'd be happy if Mario never came to get Peach, but wouldn't you feel at least a little bit bad because he abandoned her?

Never underestimate Peach. She's stronger than she looks. She's just too sweet to actually use it on someone most of the time. Who knows, you might be sleeping in your bed one day, and then she storms the castle, kicks everyone's shells, bonks you over the head, and drags you off by the tail!

Thanks for the mental image of you crashing headlong into a wall! That's seriously funny!

And my last question: If a tree falls in the forest, and no one's around, does it make a sound?"

Nosy Ninja, AWAY!

**Bowser:** Well yea, I keep her well guarded when Plumber-Butt's about to show up, but usually she has her own room. Yea, it's all decked out in her favorite color. *grins* And uh…maybe I'll do all THREE. BWA HA HA!! And what the hell is weird about my shell coming off? All koopa shells come off.

Kammy: Wouldn't know as I do not have one…*cranes her neck to look behind herself*

**Bowser:** Tattoos? Uh…yea, I have one of a GIANT-

Kammy: Oh His Falseness is joking, I have personally seen the back of sire, and there is nothing scarring it.

**Bowser**:….THE HELL you starin' at my bare back for, you creep?!

Kammy: Erm…moving on…*glances around nervously*

**Bowser:** Agh. And the hell do I care if a tree falls down in a forest? Hell, I prolly shoved it over myself.

Kammy:

_ "Okay, you don't care that Kamek comes to Earth to watch the Koopa equivalent of **? Is he not doing so on company time?_

I like reptiles, so I think you're adorable, so sue me. -shrugs- And yes, I'm a little twisted. Most Earth people are. How do you think we survive from day to day? And if you think you've got a lot of spikes, you should check out some of the Goth people on Earth! Wow, they're spikier than you are!

You should come to Earth, at least long enough to destroy the people who made you look like a moron in those old Mario Brothers cartoons.

No, I didn't know about the X-Nauts. I never played the game that happened in. -looks ashamed- The newest one I've played is New Super Mario Brothers on the DS. It's nice to know you consider yourself the owner of the Peach-napping Franchise.

And my last question...are you related, however distantly, to King/Doctor/Captain K. Rool from the Donkey Kong world? If so, do you two get along?"

_-Anasazi Darkmoon_

**Bowser:** Pft, I already brought it up to Kamek. All of my workers SUCK, majorly. I should fire you all for being idiots and pervs. *glares at Kammy* And NO I'm not RELATED to K. DROOL-FACE. He's a pain in the ass. Talk about a crappy King. He's a joke.

Kammy: *reddens under his glare*

"_OK sorry ONE last question I forgot, well its not really a question actually:_

I love it when you get ** off bowser, its so damn funny"

The0ptimus

**Bowser:** OH, YA LIKE SEEIN' ME MAD, HUHN?! I'LL FREAKIN' SHOW YOU MAD IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SCRAWNY BUTT AWAY FROM MY CASTLE!!!

Kammy:

"_I'm back! and here are some questions:_

Kammy: where did you went to vacations? you stayed in your room or went away, da wan?

Bowser: Do you have spikes on your back too (when you don't have the shell) or you don't and thereare only on your tail, wan?

Lemmy: -glomps- I LOVE YOU! Tell me, what do you like more: lava or snow? owo  
Oh, can you teach me how to walk on a ball, wan?

Oh and this is for everyone: Do you play games when in family (like those night in which the family get together and play something) How about cardgames? If you have played cardgames, do you play the game "Uno", da wan?

Ok, that's it, see ya, da wan owo"

~Carito-fox

Kammy: Erm…well…I slept for the hours I had off because frankly, I need rest and recluse because His Highness and his kin are very…exhausting. *grins*

**Bowser:** Huhn?! No I don't have spikes on my back! That's why I WEAR a shell, stupid. Y'know, to PROTECT it.

Lemmy: *dangling from the back of his chair* Daddy is ice that thing that made my balls slip and slide? If yeah, then ice. It takes many years to do that, wan person.

**Bowser:** Pft, we don't ever see each other during the day. Everyone's off doin' their own thing till dinner. Which is fine by me. Gives me some quiet…

Kammy: I'm glad one of us receives peace during the day, sire.

_Dear Bowser, how come you never treat Kamek nicely instead of working him like a slave? How the heck do you have kids anyway? i thought Peach didn`t like you. And lastly have you ever thought of casting a love spell on Peach to make her your queen? thats all for now_

_-Starman_

**Bowser: **UHM. Maybe if Kamek didn't SLACK off during the day and my troops y'know, DIDN'T walk off cliffs, I'd totally be ok with him. I mean, not that I'm not now. He's an ok advisor. But he SUCKS as an army general. And why wouldn't I have kids?! Lots of women find me completely attractive and utterly sexy! And I don't WANT to hypnotize or MAKE Peachy like me. I kinda just want her to like me on her own.

Kammy:

"_Hey Bowser... Real quick, why is it always the same scheme with you, over and over... I mean, fly in, blow crap up, kidnap the princess, something involving stars, Mario wins. It's always the same thing. Seriously, mix it up a bit... like... kidnap someome besides the princess... some really obscure person that no one cares about at all... or just get like... a really big glass dome and put it on top of Mario's house so he can't leave to go save the Princess... at the very least put the princess somewhere besides a dungeon. Women generally are not endeared to people who chain them up in dank, dreary dungeons/basements... I would know..."_

_-SuperLardBucket_

**Bowser:** Uhh, NO. No one else EXCEPT Peachy is even worth my time to kidnap! The hell would I wanna go and kidnap and a random guy? That's so stupid! And hell, I don't keep Peach in the dungeons ALL the time. Just when Ravioli-Brains comes around, and then I gotta lock her up so he can't just reach- WAIT. WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS TO YOU?! What I do with Peach ain't NONE of your business!

Kammy: Oh my…

_"Hey Lemmy, nice to meet..or, talk to you via..talking. Ahem, anyway. What's your favourite Ice cream flavour? I'd think it was Rainbow Sorbet, but just checking. *grins*_

Dear Kammy, I see that you don't seem to approve much about Kamek. What if you two both got stuck on some magical island where you can't use magic? (I know the irony in that :3 )

And how are you today, Your Un-answeredness?  
Also, do you remember your first time meeting that little, red plumber?"

Good luck.  
Over and out.

_-Foxeaf_

Lemmy: ICE CREAM?!? I like ice cream! And...yeah, that's the one I like, Rambo shert.

**Bowser: **Sorbet, you little turd. *crosses arms*

Lemmy: *giggles*

Kammy: *raises a brow* I'd go to the farthest end of the island I suppose, and brood.

**Bowser:** How AM I? Uh. Tired. My arm itches. And yea, I do, and I wish I could go back to that day and totally kill him, and save me all of this time of coming up with stuff to beat him with.

Kammy: Oh, how long ago it seemed…

_ "__Questions for Bowser:_

1) What's with people entering castles unannounced these days? So far, there's about three from what I've heard. At least, Mario's not the only guy who can break into castles, could be the case of your minions not locking the door/gate when one of them is the last one in... just like in the beginning of Super Paper Mario, for instance.

2) Which castle are you living in now? You have tons of them everywhere!

3) Have you ever tried putting on a padlock on the front door or closing the drawbridge tightly?

4) I know this is a bit random but how would you describe love?

5) Do you ever play video games with your children?

Questions for Lemmy:

1) Do you like the circus? Just wonderin' 'cause you tend to balance on balls most of the time.

2) Who teaches you and your siblings how to cast spells?

3) Since when do you and your siblings still wield wands when they really belong to those kings from Super Mario Bros. 3?

4) Do you watch cartoons?

5) Is it really that easy to balance on a ball?

Questions for Kammy:

1) Have you ever noticed that His Highness is a slave-driver and treating you unfairly?

2) There's something I don't understand: why were you weaker (having less heart points and attack points) when you faced against Peach and Twink in Paper Mario but in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, you were stronger when you and Bowser encountered Mario?

3) Was Jr. Troopa your student? He was having a magic tussle with you during the parade in Paper Mario.

4) What kind of music do you listen to?

5) In Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, have you noticed that His Nastiness went to Glitzville and found Mario there... surprisingly? "

~Flowerstar

**Bowser:** Yea, I feel like I gotta leave out rat traps or somethin' now. I dunno how these brats are gettin' in. I'll prolly double the guards tonight.

Kammy: You sound so calm, sire.

**Bowser:** AND THEN I'M GONNA TRAP THE LITTLE CREEPS IN A CAGE AND THROW THEM IN BOILING LAVA!!! BWA HA HA!! Isn't that just HILARIOUS, haggy?! They'll be screamin' up a storm!

Kammy: Erm, yes, simply hilarious, sire.

**Bowser:** And if I find out one of my guards is leaving the door unlocked, I'm gonna choke them. And then punt them into the next kingdom. And I ain't TELLIN' you what castle I'm in 'cuz you'll probably camp out on my drawbridge too! *glares* Love? What about it? It sucks if it's one-sided, that's for sure.

Kammy: The Princess is merely confused, sire.

**Bowser:** Yea, yea. And sometimes I play video games. If I'm in 'em. Or if I feel like it.

Lemmy:*tilts his head*...I don't go in circles...And, Kamek teaches us to use winds-uh-wands, duh! Oh, and we stole the wands. Those were copies Kammer-er-Kammy made. I like Spongebob! And kinda, it takes a while to get used to.

**Bowser:** Damn, he tries so hard. I almost feel bad for the kid.

Kammy: At least he's speaking in complete sentences now, sire. And erm, yes, I totally notice, but it's kind of an understanding we have.

**Bowser:** Yea, do as I say or I hurt you.

Kammy: And erm, perhaps I didn't sleep well that night? I mean, physical exhaustion can really affect a fight. I don't really recall the reason. And Jr. Troopa? I don't think I've ever had a student with that name. Possibly though. My mind isn't what it used to be. And as for music, I really don't listen to it. Aside from sometimes being forced to sit through Master Ludwig's symphonies, of course…

**Bowser:** *grumbles* Tell me about it.

Kammy: And oh? Did he? That's er…well. Strange. Small world I suppose.

"_Hi Bowser,_

Oh, so you DO have an audience? Okay, so when are you fighting Mario again? Becuase I'll be there, cheerng. Oh and I shall also bring my dog with me so she can snack on your feet if you try and shoe me off! :) ;) :P

Hi Lemmy,

First of all, you're really cool. ANYWAY, question time!  
1) Whats it like having Bowser for a dad? Say the truth, not what Bowser tells/forces you to say!  
2) Can you sing?  
3) Whats your room like?

Right, thats me off. But I'll be back! :)"

GlitterBunny x

**Bowser: **Bahhh, you annoying kids!!

Lemmy: Actually, it's pretty awesome having an evil dad! You get to learn how to be mean and grumbly. Although, I'm not good at it...And I don't sing...ever since I let Igg-ster do that one thingsy...that hurt. A LOT. And my room is a pretty room! Lots of death pictures, total darkness, endless holes...oh, wait. That's Roy's room. Oopsy!

Kammy:

_Dear Bowser,  
I got questions for you so anwser them!  
1)Do you ever think fighting Mario so much will might make Peach like you?  
2)Do you think if you ever get married to Peach,will Wendy and Peach have a Mother/Daughter bonding time?  
3)Which one of your kids do you like the best?  
4)How it is like being a only father,with 8 kids!? I couldn't live like that if I were you_

_-Vennssa The Hedgehog_

**Bowser:** Yeesh you kids are demanding! And fighting Mario won't make Peach LIKE me. And prolly not. Wendy's pretty independent. She'd prolly be kinda jealous of another "girl" in the house. I dunno. And I've answered this before, even though I don't want my kids to really harp on me about it. But I guess Ludwig was my first son, so he's kinda…y'know. And yea, it sucks being the only parent around, 'cuz if you screw up it's totally your fault, no one else to blame.

Kammy: Indeed, Your Singleness.

"_Just some quick questions:_

Bowser:Is it awkward for you to get on roller coasters?  
Lemmy:Did you go to clown college to learn how to balance on the ball?  
Bowser:Which minion do you despise the most?  
Lemmy:Do you listen to Motorhead, considering you're named after the singer/bassist?"

-MagickHobo

**Bowser: **Yea, it's TOTALLY awkward. Huge shell and all. Y'know. Tiny car. Doesn't really work out.

Lemmy: EEEEEK! I HATE CLOWNS! Why do you think I don't have a clown car?! I hate clowns!

**Bowser:** Told ya. People hate clowns. *grins* Now you punks know why I drive around in the clown car. STRIKES FEAR INTO THE STRONGEST OF MEN, BWA HA HA!!

Lemmy: What's Motorhead? If it's songs, I don't know. I don't listen to music. I like Spongebob!

**Bowser:** Yea, whatsherface was in charge of namin' all of 'em so I don't know who the heck this one's named after.

Kammy: Whatsherface? You do mean, your ex-wife, right sire?

**Bowser:**...Whatever. And I hate so many of my minions it's really HARD to pick one that I hate the most. They're all so useless.

Kammy: A few more sire, and then your torment is partially over!

_ "__Bowser: Why did you kidnap Mario, Luigi(Green Stache) and a lot of Toads in Super Princess Peach? And why didn't you kidnap Peach with them? And on top of that, you tried to kill her! Are you ** up in the head?!_

Lemmy: AH~! *Cuddles* SO CUTE~! Do you like the circus? Where did you learn to balance on a ball. What's your favorite season? Who is your favorite sibling/s? What do you REALLY think of your father? Do you like Kamek? What about Kammy? And while I'm at it, what do you think of the Mario Bros.?

Kammy: I like you, here! It's a free pass to the spa! You earned it, putting up with Bowser and all.

One last thing, my friend (NinetailsGirl09) wanted me to tell you she's camping out on your bridge with TheOptimus. Bye bye!"

_-BigEdEddEddyFan_

**Bowser:** PFFFTPLBPPPPPLB!!! What'd I tell you kids?! I did NOT try to kill Peachy! She wanted to take me on, so I let her THINK it was a fight, to please her! She was never in any danger. Sometimes ya gotta swallow your pride and let her do what she wants with ya. Including kicking you in the cahoonas a few times…*huge sigh*

Kammy: *grinning* Oooh, a day at the spa. How lovely. I totally deserve it too.

**Bowser: **And when is haggy planning to USE that free pass, huhn?!

Kammy:…Not on duty, of course, sire. *nervous glance*

Lemmy:...Umm...You ask a lot of questions. As I said earlier, I don't like the circus. And Kamek putted a spell on me so I could be pro on my balls... That doesn't sound right to me, daddy! And Igg-ster is my favorite. We do so many things together! And I said before, I like having Dad-dee for a...Dad-dee. Kamek scares me, even though he did give me my balls... Ew. Kammy is much cooler than Kamek! She is much nicer than him! AND I HATE THOSE WANNA-BE RED-GREEN'S! They're always stealing princess Pitch!"

**Bowser:** *staring at him incredulously* ….How'd my kids get so screwed up in the head anyways?

Kammy: *beaming from the compliment* Not entirely certain sire. But at least we made it through this session without killing the children on your drawbridge.

**Bowser:** OH YEA. THAT REMINDS ME!!! Gotta sic the chain chomps on 'em…

Kammy: Perhaps in a bit, sire. Erm. Do keep sending in questions. And a special secret thank you to Darkrai-risen, who helped a great deal with this question session! You receive many kudos from His Highness, as well as no face beatings for a week!

**Bowser:** Yea, yea, whatever. And my brat Wendy's comin' on next too. Send her questions, I'll bet she'll love the attention. *rolls eyes*


	15. The Castle Is Detonating?

Kammy: How are we today Your Crankiness?

**Bowser:** TERRIBLE. FREAKIN' EARTH KIDS KEPT ME AWAKE ALL NIGHT!!!

Kammy: That's unfortunate sire. I slept like a small baby.

**Bowser:** HOW?! With all that NOISE out there I could barely hear myself THINK!! I TOLD you they'd come in swarms!!

Kammy: Well…erm…they did get a bit out of control…building a town and all. And busting the door down and sort of…lounging around.

**Bowser:** DAMMIT! No way in hell we're going back there. I need ground control or somethin'.

Kammy: Yes, we've retreated to one of sire's secret castles for the moment.

**Bowser:** Seriously, just let me set 'em on fire! That'll send 'em runnin'!

Kammy: Sire, how rude would that be? Here you are answering their innocent questions and then frying them to a crisp for being overly curious. I think it's good that they're seeing the castle.

**Bowser:** I hate you. This is all your fault!!

Kammy: *smirks and chuckles* Oh, sire. Let's just get on with this session, mm?

"_Thanx for the thanx guys! it was fun :)_

Anyways...

Wendy) How come ur so frickin ugly? (that'l catch her attention)

Bowser) Have u ever considered the fact that ur looks change often? (ex:Paper mario to Mario sunshine; its ridiculous!)

Kammy) How much do u hate Kamek? 1 to 10."

_-Darkrai-risen_

Wendy: DAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!! I WANT my room back! It's been completely like, taken over by stupid kids!

**Bowser:** Oh right. YOU'RE here today. Forgot. Geeez.

Wendy: And what-EVER punk. You probably smell.

**Bowser:** Pft. KAMMY!!! Send over the paratroopa team to my castle okay?! I gotta y'know, clear it out SOMEHOW. Not like I even NEED it, since I have so many other castles to live in.

Kammy: *salutes* It shall be evacuated. Erm. Soon-ish.

Wendy: Daaaaaaaaad. I still have STUFF in that room! Like, my makeup's just sitting out there for people to steal! AGHHH! Flame their asses, daddy!

**Bowser:** How many times do I gotta tell ya to stop callin' me 'daddy' huhn?! Yeesh, you're sixteen!

Wendy: FINE. *crosses arms*

**Bowser:** Geez! And yea, I guess I look different. It's part of gettin' older. YOU DO IT TOO, Y'KNOW!!

Kammy: Well I wouldn't say….HATE. Hate's a strong word. More like….loathe at times. But of course that's an unprofessional thing for me to say about my colleague. Completely unprofessional. Yet totally acceptable.

_Hey man, I'm just saying that you do tend to do the same thing over and over again without ever changing your scheme even slightly. It seems counter-productive._

In any case, how exactly did you get into kidnapping the princess? Was it a "the first time I saw her, I knew I had to send legions of soldiers to forcibly drag her back to my home for tea" kind of thing, or was it in response to a long series of cold, merciless rejections?

_-SuperLardBucket_

**Bowser:** PFFFFFFT!! Ok "hot-shot", let's see YOU run my castle better huhn?! Think anybody's afraid of YOU? Nope! And SHUT UP.

Wendy: Psh, she totally rejected you like, a gazillion times, dad.

**Bowser:** SHUT UP!!!

Kammy:….They were quite merciless.

Wendy: And cold. *grins*

**Bowser:** GRAHHHH!! SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!! I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!

Kammy: *chuckles* Of course, sire.

_Dear King Bowser,  
HIYA!  
Okay, I have a few questions for you:  
1) How old are your kids?  
2) How long have you known Princess Peach?  
3) Why are you so disconnected with the outside world?_

To Wendy,  
1) What's it like being the only girl?  
2) What type of music do you listen to?

To Kammy,  
1) How did you meet Bowser anyway?  
Thanks!

_-StrawberryKiwiBanana_

**Bowser:** …My kids? Well Junior just turned ten. Larry's going on fourteen. Morton's fifteen. Wendy 'course is sixteen…

Wendy: *sticks out tongue*

**Bowser:** *glares* But she don't ACT like it. Geez, I was runnin' a CASTLE at your age. Anyways. Iggy's seventeen. Roy's eighteen. Lemmy's nineteen. Again, totally doesn't act his age. And Ludwig's twenty. So with the exception of him, all my kids are a bunch of immature bozos.

Wendy: AM NOT!!

Kammy: I'm sure they'll act differently once they all get settled into their own castles and kingdoms.

**Bowser:** Yea, whatever. And Peachy? I've known her for at least ten years already. *grins* Best years EVER.

Kammy: It's quite funny how I met King Bowser. I'd been hired for one of his latest schemes, which included stealing the legendary star rod from Star Haven. Of course immediately after I ended up meeting the princess in which he's so smitten about. And the rest as they say is that.

Wendy: Being an only girl like, SUCKS. It's so hard to explain to your snot-nosed brothers that you need privacy with your friends to discuss like, GIRL stuff. They're so stupid. And I listen to pop and hip-hop mostly.

**Bowser:** I wouldn't exactly say I'm disconnected with the world, just busy, and kinda focused on other things.

Kammy: Like the princess. *grins*

**Bowser:** YEA! Like her.

_Kammy: _Speaking of which…

_ Dear Bowser,  
I'm going on vacation to Delfino Isle again with Mario and Luigi. Please, don't try to kidnap me. I want to enjoy my vacation, unlike the last time I tried to vacation. Thank you._

With Love,  
Princess Peach

**Bowser:** Awww, Peachy. If ya REALLY didn't want me to kidnap you, you prolly shouldn't have told me where you were going then…*smirks*

_Kammy: Oh my._

_ To Bowser:_

If you and Mario weren't both interested in Peach, do you think you'd get along better?  
Do you have any control over Dry Bones, Boos, and Shy Guys, or are they independent?  
What's your favorite Kart in any of the Mario Kart games?  
Why is the bridge you stand on over lava anyway?

-MagickHobo  
P.S:The cake is a lie.

**Bowser:** Nope. We'd prolly find something else to fight about. The guy just sticks his nose into EVERYTHING. I mean, have ya seen it lately? Huge honker, am I right? And uh…I wouldn't say I control any of 'em. It's pretty much whoever decides to join my kingdom or sign up for my army. It's their decision. Although the Boos tend to do their own thing, since I don't really see eye to eye with King Boo. Or…face to face. Or anything to anything 'cuz he's a ghost. Yea.

Uh, I liked my kart in double dash. That was cool. 'Course everything that's made for me is cool. And uh, NEWS FLASH, I LIKE lava?! Geez!

Wendy: Not everything has to have LAVA around it, y'know. *rolls eyes*

Kammy:

_Wendy: How did you use your magic wand to create candy rings?_

Wendy: Who did you like the most?

Bowser: What is your favorite sport in the Mario series?

Bowser: What is your favorite place to visit in Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story?

All: Favorite Food?

-dragon19kyoshi

Wendy: Uhm, like. Kamek teaches us how to wield our wands. You hafta like, chant a spell or something. And I don't have a crush on anyone right now, if THAT'S what you mean.

**Bowser:** Hmm. Favorite sport. Gotta say it might be tennis. I mean, so many purposes for a flaming tennis ball. Heh. And I don't have a favorite place.

Kammy: Tapioca!

Wendy: EW. Old people food!

Kammy: IT'S NOT FOR OLD PEOPLE!! It is DELICIOUS.

Wendy: Right, whatever granny. I like, love chocolate, but I can't eat too much since I'm watching my weight.

**Bowser:** Pft, yea, any more of that junk and your thighs will rub together every time you walk. *grins*

Wendy: DAAAAAAAAAD!!!

Kammy:

_Hey sup B? I've got a couple questions to ask you while i'm still out on your drawbridge. (Gotta tell you i love it here, i dont think i've ever gonna leave)_

1. This is something interesting i thought about, in bowsers inside story (you probably dont know about this) theres a pipe that mario and luigi (green stache if you're too stupid to remember by now) that they go into that allowed them to go back inside you, which is why they were in you at that epic final battle. But what do you think would happen if YOU went into that pipe huh?

2. Wendy, why the hell were you so damn hard to beat in super mario world? You were even harder to beat than your father! What gives? I thought the final boss was meant to be the hardest, not the 6th!

3. Wendy, which of your mentally screwed up brothers do you like and despise the most?

4. Kammy, I LOVE YOU!

Well, thanks for answering my questions again and-wait a minute...OH SH**T! CHAIN CHOMPS!

_-TheOptimus_

**Bowser:** *eye twitch* Enjoy your stay on my bridge, twerp. Tonight'll be your last.

Kammy: Sire cannot SWALLOW himself, can he?

**Bowser: **Psh, I can do ANYTHING I want!

Wendy: Oh my GOD. My brothers are SO annoying and creepy. Like, Iggy scares the crap out of me. He's always like "COME TO MY LAB, WENDY." Hell no! I don't trust any of them. Ludwig's OKAY. I mean, he has his moments of weirdness too. Morton blabs too much. Larry's pretty okay. I can like, talk to him without him being like, weird.

Kammy: Erm…I'm….I'm flattered? Although I'm a bit old for you…

**Bowser:** BWA HA HA, SOMEONE LOVES HAG-FACE?!

Kammy: Oh please. *rolls eyes* Spare me from your senseless humor just this once, sire.

_ I HAVE CHORTLES! We are all having the honoring of the questioning of Lord Bowser!_

First, I am having the answer to the questioning you are having of us readers. The powers of fans are being so great, we just come right into the inside of the castle that is yours, like with disgusing and teleportations! In the fact (*appears behind you*) HI! (*disappears*).

As for the questioning of mine...  
Bowser...  
1. In the last chapter, why did you not have the FURY at when Kammy said, "Your furyness". Doesn't that remind of a certain one who has the talking like me who says, "I HAVE FURY!"?  
2. Do you have the anger at how the kids of yourself had the obeying of mistress Cackletta when she had the possessing of you to make Bowletta?  
3. Who is the villian that you are liking the least that wasn't specifically giving the harm to you, like the Smithy who had the kicking of you out of your castle?  
4. Why is it that you are being the only of anyone in your whole castle who has the avoidence of reading the fiction of fans?  
5. Do my Fawful speaking abilities cause you FURY?

Kammy...  
1. Why do you only have the appearing at times of which the world of this is made out of paper?  
2. Who is the one of the higher strengh, you or Kamek?

Wendy...  
1. Do you have the attacking with rings or bracelets? It is hard to be telling as it appears to be depending on the game.  
2. Do you have the annoyance of being the only girl in the family that is being yours?  
3. Which of the brothers of you is your favorite?

I have the anxious awaiting of the answers! This story, it has the wins, like a pie made of WOW!

_-Lunatic Red Eyes_

**Bowser:** FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!! Hey bean sprout, long time no see. *glares*Freakin' annoying.

Kammy: While his dialect is a bit odd, I've always found him to be kind of a charming little bean. When he isn't of course, attempting to throw His Burliness out of his castle.

**Bowser:** CHARMING?! Pft. And you're not the ONLY one who can have fury. Trust me, next time I see you, POUND. Right in your puny little green face.

Kammy: Uhm, sire, he's right behind you…

**Bowser:** WHERE?! *spins around*

Kammy: He uh….he vanished. Are my eyes getting worse?

Wendy: Bean people are SO annoying.

Kammy: I'm uncertain if that really IS Fawful or a very good impersonator…

**Bowser:** DON'T CARE! Whoever it is, they're ANNOYING. And man, so pissed off that the witch used my body and my castle AND my kids and fought MY rivals. Who does she think she is?!

Kammy: Erm…you? Or…a female version of you?

**Bowser:** THAT'S DISGUSTING!!! And don't remind me of Smithy. I don't want to talk about it. *heated glare* And what the hell, why would I want to read stuff that you stupid kids write anyway?

Kammy: You read their questions, sire.

**Bowser:** SO?! And technically I don't. You read them, and I answer if I feel like it.

Wendy: Pft, that's like, the same thing daddy. And bracelets. What the hell would I use rings for, they'd be too small! And yea, I hate being an only girl. I blame my parents for having so many BOYS. *glares*

**Bowser:** Hey, hey, now. I don't make the rules when it comes to that…thing. I just do my part. The rest was up to her.

Wendy: Like, ew. What a way to put it, dad.

Kammy: Erm…I'd REALLY like to say that MY magic of course is more powerful…

**Bowser:** And…?

Kammy:….AND SO I WILL! My magic IS more powerful! Kamek can kiss my wand. *grins*

Wendy: I guess Larry's okay to hang out with. I really don't like hanging out with my brothers though. They're so stupid.

Kammy: I'm sure they'll mature in time…

_MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO KILL ME FAILED, YOU BAKA NO TEME! (Calms down)Question time!_

Bowser) Seriously dude, you need a new original plan, I'm not the only person you noticed you use the same plan over and over and over. And you didn't understand my second question from last time. Why isn't your second-in-command suffering as much as you? I mean, people would focus attention on him and send in less questions for you and more questions for Kamek. Plus I'll leave you alone; No questions, no insults, no mocking, no nothing what so ever! But this deal comes into affect when KAMEK is in the chapter, and I need to know if he's coming, I can't see into the future ya' know!

Wendy) ... Nothing. I got nothing for you, at all.

Kammy) My friend is really nice, huh? (Whispers) If you want to use that spa pass anytime soon, let me know. I have a friend who can do perfect transformations and can take your place till you get back. (Winks)

Bowser) And before I go, trying to throw ME in lava or roasting me won't work, I'm pyrokinetic and fire-proof b*h. And pyrokinetic means I can make fire with my mind, sweet huh?

Still on the drawbridge by the way and saved TheOptimus from your Chain Chomps just to let you know. Bye, Oh and I met Fawful! Ah~! (faints)

-NinetailsGirl09

**Bowser:** Shut up about my plans already! They totally rock!

Wendy: You totally re-use the same plan, daddy.

**Bowser:** BAHHH!! And I ain't makin' you any deals, kid! Kamek's supposed to be training my troops and making my other castle child-proof!

Kammy: Ah yes, how fortunate for him. *smirk* And erm, thank you for the offer, but I too, can create a replica of myself if I need to get away.

**Bowser:** …

Kammy: Of course I don't because the replica would not be able to speak. And Lord Bowser would realize and….well. He wouldn't be pleased.

**Bowser: **Nope. Wouldn't be pleased at all, haggy.

Kammy: And it is my job to please you, sire. Which is why I would NEVER do that. *nervous grin*

_YOU FAIL! (Smites Bowser) 'Nine give me back that keyboard!' (Punches NinetailsGirl's lights out)Hello again, sorry 'bout that there, but nice to see you again. I got some more questions._

Bowser: So how's it feel to be people's verbal punching bag, hmm?

Wendy: ...Favorite sibling

Kammy: Special delivery! (Gives gift) It's a fire-proof shield! Now Bowser can't torch you anymore. (Hands note) Its Nine's number for 'it' so when you want 'it' done you can let her know.

That's all for now and Nine's OCs are camping out on your bridge with her. Expect reviews from them, you'll know who they are 'cause they all have one thing in common.

_BigEdEddEddyFan_

**Bowser:** I don't even know why I agreed to DO this stupid thing! It sucks! All I get in return for tryin' to be nice is my castle getting' swarmed and my fridge getting' ransacked!

Wendy: Ugh. Get original with the questions, my Goooood. If I had to pick, it'd be Larry.

Kammy: Erm, thank you for the gifts, but really, I'm quite good at dodging His Fierinesses flames by now. It's sort of a talent.

**Bowser:** Pft, yea. Remind me to burn you while you sleep, haggy.

Kammy: Of course, sire!

_'Sup B*hes, Meddy here._

1) Bowser your plans suck and are all unoriginal, you fail at life you son of a **.

2) Jeez, your attention hogging bratty daughter is the guest, I would have prefered your oldest kid, Ludwig or something, or that damn jester, Dimentio. Or as I call him, Dimented.

3) Getting your ** handed to you by a plumber? Pathetic Bowser, pathetic.

4) I can tolerate you, your one of the few people NOT on my hit list.

Damn it's hot out here, screw this I'm going to Delfino Isle with Mario and Luigi. Bye.

_-Meddy The Fourth Ed_

**Bowser:** SCREW YOU, PUNK! WHERE IN THAT WAS A QUESTION HUHN?! NOTICE THE TITLE OF THIS SHINDIG, HUHN? It's not, LET'S PELT BOWSER WITH INSULTS AND CAMP OUT ON HIS BRIDGE!! LITTLE TURD!!!

Kammy: *staring at his outburst with wide eyes* Sire, you set the curtains on fire…

**Bowser: **BAHHHH, I DON'T CARE!!

Kammy_: _*waves her wand to diminish the flames* Oh my.

_I'm back. got a few questions for Bowser and Kammy.  
for Bowser_

1. have you ever gotten in trouble with the cops?  
2. before you met Peach, was there another Princess or Woman you did kidnap?  
3. do you have any siblings?  
4. Is Ludwig and Wendy ever going to be on the show?  
5. do you have anything against Luigi?  
6. why were you not in super Mario bros 2?

for Kammy.

1. have you ever thought about adding security cameras in the castle?  
2. what do you do when your not causing trouble?  
3. do you ever watch the news?

-Blackjet340

**Bowser:** Pft, I OWN Darkland cops. And no, nobody before Peach was WORTH kidnapping in my opinion. And yea, I got…one….sister….thing…

Kammy: You're so mysterious, sire. Every time I bring her up you evade the question!

**Bowser:** Uh…cuz. CUZ I SAID SO! Nobody needs to know about her!

Wendy: *waving her hand* Uh, HELLO. I'm right here. Kinda missed your shot at questioning me.

**Bowser:** Ludwig? He's always busy, I mean, he's gonna get his own castle soon too. I'll see if I can drag his butt on though. And SERIOUSLY, who the hell is Luigi?

Kammy: *slaps her forehead* We've been over this, my Lord. Luigi is Mario's younger brother.

**Bowser:**…Well no, I don't HATE the guy, but if he helps Mario then he SUCKS.

Kammy: We do have a security system installed in quite a few of our castles, as technology in the kingdom continues to improve. Some of His Highnesses castle are quite old-fashioned though. And erm…I sleep, I suppose. And I watch the news all the time, when I'm not busy with His Highness and his nefarious schemes.

_'Ello mates! Nice day to 'yall!_

Bowser  
-Sorry 'bought my Authoress insults, she's having a overload from schoolwork and takin' it out on you.

-If your troops are walkn' of cliffs then aint it all your fault since 'ya aint makin' Kamek do his job?

Wendy  
-Again, I apoligze for Meddy, she's all the authoress' negative emotions and feeling stuffed into one person who hates certain... personalities.

-What do you think of 'ya's Dad? And while you answer that, what do you think of Kamek, Kammy, the Mario Bros, and Princess Peach?

Kammy  
-Just to let 'ya know, none of Nine's friends or OCs dislike you. So you if you get a offending it was asked out of curious and nothing else.

See 'ya around, Bye!

-Eddie The Fifth Ed

**Bowser:** It ain't MY fault! When I put my trusted advisor in charge of training them, they better get it right, or else get outta my troop!

Wendy: My dad is….like…so weird. And he embarrasses me like you would not believe.

**Bowser**: I do not!

Wendy: You so do! Kamek's nice but he's an old fart like Kammy over there.

Kammy: We are NOT farts of the elderly variety, Gwendolyn!

Wendy: Yikes, chill out granny. Princess Peach is kinda…all fake nice and stuff.

**Bowser:** HEY!

Wendy: Well she isn't to YOU, but she is to everyone else. I hate sugarcoating stuff. So people who do sugarcoat stuff make me kinda want to vomit. And I don't really like, care about the Mario Brothers. They're just weird dudes that fix toilets and beat up my dad.

**Bowser:** The hell, I'm right here!

Kammy:

_U-um, H-hello,_

Bowser p-please don't hurt my f-friends to b-badly! T-they still have a f-fanfic to do.

A-ah, that's all I h-had all I had t-to say, h-have a n-nice day.

_-Eda The Sixth Ed_

**Bowser: ***rolls eyes* Again, not a question. But maybe I'll let 'em live today, since I'm too tired to really beat them down anyway.

Kammy: I believe we're almost done soon, sire.

**Bowser:** GOOD. And is it just me, or are these sessions getting longer?

Kammy: Totally just you, sire.

"_Hello, hello, HEELLO DARKLANDS! ARE YOU READY FOR MY INSANITY?! HEE HEE HEE! We're starting questions that, ok? OK! Let's~ GO!_

Bowser)  
You think you're SO scary, but your as frighting as a BUNNY! OF DOOM! (Starts singing the Doom Song)

HAHAHA! YOU ACTUALLY TRIED TO FRY NINE?! HAHAHA! YOU A ** IDIOT, AND A FAT ONE AT THAT! HEE HEE HEE! (Puts on a scholar costume) Study thy enemy before striking (Goes back to normal) BAKA~!

Kammy)  
Hee hee hee, LOOK WHAT I GOT?! (Shows picture of a bound and gagged Kamek) I"M GONNA SELL HIM ON eBay! HAHAHA!

(Phone rings) Hello? Nine, what is it? What?! I was suppose to tied up Kamek unless Kammy said so?! And I can't sell him on eBay?! AW~! (Hangs up)

Guess I don't need this anymore. (Chucks Kamek to Bowser's Castle) Anyway, I'm done scarring your minds with my insantiy. BYE BYE BIRDIE!"

_-Aedian The Seventh Ed_

**Bowser:** *staring* The hell was that all about?

Kammy: *wide-eyed* I'm…not…certain Lord Bowser.

_Bowser, you don't think it's kind of wierd, you know, being a koopa and liking a human? And in Super Mario RPG Legend of the Seven Stars, did you team up with the Mario group because you wanted to help Peach or because you wanted to get your keep back?_

Wendy, does your dad let you have boyfriends or does he incinerate them on sight? Are you happy about the fact that you're the only girl or do you wish you had a sister? What do you think of Princess Peach?

-LOTW

**Bowser: **Uh…no. I CAN LIKE WHOEVER I WANNA, GOT IT?! And…probably kinda both reasons.

Wendy: He pretty much scares away all my friends, and any chances of boys getting to know me. Thanks a lot, dad.

**Bowser:** No problem, brat. It's what I do.

Wendy: I don't really want a sister. It'd be nice to like, not have so many boys though. And Princess Peach is too nice. I don't like people who are cheery all the time.

**Bowser:** Yea, 'cuz you're MISERABLE and everyone around you has to be, right?

Wendy: Pft.

Kammy: Misery loves company!

_. Do you train your kids in "Classic Boss Etiquette" or do they figure out their own Boss Patterns by themselves? Also why don't they wear helmets to protect their heads from Mario's Boots of Doom? Heck, why even have your kids act as bosses when it's better to just have a "Boss Door" lead to a bottomless pit, the bane of Mario's existence?_

2. Have you ever suspected that one of your kids is not your own?

3. Does your kingdom have any form of economy short of "Princess Kidnapping"? How do you provide for your people? Agriculture seems to be nonexistent in your territory. Do you engage in foreign trade? How do you fund all of your projects? Are any of these issues something you actually bother with when you're not planning Peachnapping?

4. Do you keep up a schedule for Peachnapping? If so why not do so when Mario is busy (get someone to mail him a bogus vacation ticket to the Minus World or a Romhack level and engage Peachnapping then).

5. Do you plan on having your kids take over the family business of Castle Bosses/Kidnapping/Whatever you do with your resources or would you rather them pursue their own goals when they grow up, even finding their own princesses to kidnap?

6. If you have one last thing to say to "Whatsherface", what would it be?

**Bowser:** Uh, they pretty much fight how they wanna. I taught 'em the basics and everything, but they kinda each developed their own style. And hell if I know. And I dunno if whatsherface ever pulled anything on me. I seriously wouldn't know. I mean, some of 'em look a lot like her side of the family, but Morton, he just comes outta NO WHERE. But it's kinda impossible to find out now. Not that I care.

And yea, economy wise we're pretty well off because of the casinos and shops. See, what we do is barter for rare items, as well as common ones and then sell 'em here for twice as much. And do you know how much organic soils on the edges of volcanoes sell for? And hell, it's just lyin' around here! Farmers in other kingdoms pay through the nose to get some! Helps multiply their fertilization. Which means for mula for them, too.

Kammy: Ahh, the advantages of living near lava, yes sire?

**Bowser:** Totally! And funding comes from taxes. All of it. I tend to charge depending on districts though. And yea, it's always a worry of whether or not the bottom's gonna fall through so we constantly have to make things that people would want to pay for, and of course charge 'em more for it. We also sell weaponry and machines to other kingdoms.

Wendy: You could always like, sell makeup like Avon ladies do, dad.

**Bowser:** NOPE. Not happenin'. And personally, I dunno when Mario's in or out of the Mushroom Kingdom. I have no idea. I don't spy on him. And my kids? Well I got all their territories mapped out for when they decide they wanna grow up and go out on their own. Ludwig's Crown Prince though, so if anything happens to me or Kamek he's in charge. And to whatsherface? Uh. Got nothin'. Guess I had nothing to say to her to begin with.

Kammy: Quite a set of questions, eh sire?

_Hello Bowser! How's it going? It's-a me! Mario! Me and my friends Luigi, Yellow Toad and Blue Toad were watching this and decided to ask some questions of our own. And you have to answer each and everyone of them! Won't this be fun!?_

Mario's Questions:  
Bowser, why do you constantly kidnap Peach when you know I'm gonna go over there and kick your a-s-s? Do you like it when I beat you up? You must since you kidnap Peach often. Also, I'll save the princess everytime you kidnap her so don't let these kids make you think otherwise.

Luigi's Question:  
Hey...Bowser. Just one tiny little question...WHY DON'T YOU EVER REMEMBER MY NAME!? That is all.

Yellow Toad's Questions:  
Yep it's me Yellow Toad. Of course my name's not really 'Yellow Toad' but you don't need to know my real name. Anyway, Bowser why such pride in torturing everyone who is weaker than you? Are you that small of a man that you're too afraid to fight someone bigger you? And if you're so mad about MINIONS WALKING OFF CLIFFS then quit whining like a little B and do something about it!

Blue Toad's Questions:  
Yeah...sorry for Yellow Toad's outburst; he's little mad at you for always attacking the Mushroom Kingdom. Now to my questions, Bowser why are you evil? No one is born evil it usually happens after some terrible event. What happened to you to make you wanna become evil? And Wendy, I'm sorry for beating you up in World 5.

Mario: And Bowser...go to hell!

**Bowser:** *gives the middle finger*

Wendy: That's like, so vulgar in front of a lady, dad.

**Bowser:** *snorts* I don't see a lady anywhere. And screw off, the rest of you mushroom pansies. And it's a long story of why I hate you all, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with how I'm treated. *glares*

Kammy: Oh the nerve of them, writing in to His Lordship!

_Yay! You're finally on! ^_^ This time, I only have questions for Wendy. :)_

1) Have you heard of any songs from the United Kingdom? Like... "Fight For This Love" by Cheryl Cole, for example?

2) What is your favourite girl bands and boy bands?

3) What are your favourite songs?

4) Usually, the United Kingdom (or rather, Great Britain) is home to girl power, many girl bands and uh... cheesy songs, have you ever thought of visiting it?

5) Like the Mushroom Kingdom, the United Kingdom is home to royalty, you may have a hard time trying to take over it. What would be your strategies if you're planning to conquer the British nation?

6) In an episode of "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3", why do you like conquering America?

7) What genres of music do you like listening to besides pop?

8) Where do you listen to your favourite music and songs?

9) Are you jealous of Princess Peach?

10) Do you own a personal music device or any steroes to listen to your tunes on?

11) Ever since the previous game you've appeared in along with your siblings, why did you and your brothers finally suddenly made a comeback appearance in "New Super Mario Bros. Wii"?

And lastly...

12) How old are you exactly?

~Flowerstar

Wendy: Nope, never heard of 'em. I love Earth stuff though. Like Britney Spears. I mean, her new songs lately are AMAZING. Like '3'. And I really like 'Tik, Tok' by Keisha. And the Pussycat Dolls.

**Bowser: **Yea, totally lost here.

Wendy: You just don't know anything, do you dad? I wouldn't like, want to VISIT Earth, since the last time I did it was such a pain, AND I lost an expensive makeup kit in the snow somewhere. I really like the styles and music though. And like, I don't know what that show is. My brothers probably do. And I usually listen to music on my laptop. I'm not like, jealous of Peach. And like, how should I know? I don't design games or like, decide who's in them.

Kammy: Nor can I decide why my appearances must always be paper…

_*bows*  
Finally i get the chance to speak to you,Lord Bowser!...and to Wendy too...  
anyways,Lord Bowser,if you could describe each one of your children with one word...wich one would you use?  
Wendy,what do you think of your brothers?_

and...that's it  
L-ater!

...Miss Wendy,you are aware that Lemmy is in your room right now,arent't you?

_-maruru-chan_

**Bowser:** Oh wow. Uh.

Kammy: Ludwig.

**Bowser:** Short-tempered.

Kammy: Lemmy?

**Bowser:** Different.

Kammy: Wendy?

**Bowser**: Bit-

Wendy: DAD!

**Bowser:**…Princess. *glares*

Kammy: Roy!

**Bowser:** Tough.

Kammy: Iggy?

**Bowser:** *shudders* Psycho.

Kammy: Morton.

**Bowser:** Loudmouth.

Kammy: Larry?

**Bowser:** Average.

Kammy: Junior?

**Bowser: **ANNOYING.

Wendy: I'll say. And like, HE SO BETTER NOT BE!

Kammy: Well, that was certainly fun.

_Yo! Big Bad Bowza! My name is Gatita! It's an honor to be sending you my questions! It's an even bigger honor to be raiding your refrigerater! If we have anything in common, it's our passion for meat! Which is my first question!_

What is your favorite meat? Pig, cow etc...

Had burning Mario's house and making treaties with all of Mario's enemies ever cross your mind?

Yo Kammy! Mind giving me broom stick riding lessons? That would be awesome!

'Sup Wendy! I heard you like to sing. Do you and Ludwig ever work together to make a really good song? And if so, could I here it?

Out of time! Gotta go! Now i'm off to find Ludwig's room!  
And yes, i'm inside your house. I knocked the guards out with a flashlight.

The Little CatGirl a.k.a Gatita101

**Bowser:** Pft, so YOU'RE the creep ransacking my fridge!! I'll have to have Kamek poison all the stuff in there. And I dunno. Cheep Cheeps are good.

Kammy: That's fish meat, sire.

**Bowser: **Uh. Yea. But I dunno what else I really like. I kinda just eat whatever. And I don't really like alliances with other bad guys. They have complexes.

Wendy: Yuck, my brother and I totally don't see eye to eye on music. He likes that creepy organ sounding stuff, and like, classical piano or whatever.

**Bowser:** Have fun raiding my castle with all your little friends. Kamek's gonna blow it up tonight anyway.

Kammy: You have to have a skill in magic to learn how to ride. If you do, then splendid!

_hey bowser me and 599 of my frends have built a town on your bridge and dont you dare attack u or youll end up like those guys points to twisted remains of chain chomps and also i hope you dont mind because we stole all your food and treasure and broke all your stuff because we had a giant house party in your castle with over 10 people showing up also did i mention that your a worthles peice of ** witch will never acomplish anything and is the ugliest creature alive so ta ta for now_

-The Bridge Town President

**Bowser:** Pft, can't even spell. Some "president." And I'm so beyond being pissed off. You stole a bunch of worthless stuff DISGUISED as my treasure. Think I'd just leave it out where you kids could find it? *smirks* Heh.

Kammy: His Highness is much more crafty then that!

_I've decided to give Bowser a break from my questions, but I'm back!_

1) Did you lost a bet to Kammy and that's why you're doing this question thing. She seems to be enjoying your suffering although you don't see it.

2) You don't treat Kammy very well so if Kammy somehow passed away would you cry and arrange her funeral or just replace her in a heartbeat.

3) You say Ludwig is your first and favorite so why hasn't he been on the question thing yet?

4) I just drove by your castle and saw about twenty kids on your drawbridge. You may wanna do something about that.

-The Shroom Guy

**Bowser:** She probably does enjoy tormenting me.

Kammy: More than you can ever imagine, sire.

**Bowser:** …Just for that I totally wouldn't care if she died.

Kammy: SIRE!

**Bowser: **HMPH! *crosses arms*

Kammy: You don't mean that sire. We have history together!

**Bowser:** Pft. And Ludwig's busy. I can't control when he decides to come out of his room and join the rest of the population.

Wendy: He's working on a new song, dad. I knocked on his door the other day and he totally yelled at me. He's such a weirdo. I like, apparently broke his concentration.

**Bowser:** And yea, castle's gonna be blown up tonight. That's how I'm solvin' it.

Kammy: A solid plan.

_Hi, again..._

Wendy  
1) What is it like living with SEVEN brothers?  
2) Are your nails important to you?  
3) Have you ever been NICE before?

Bowser  
1) What would you do if Mario walked into this room RIGHT THIS SECOND?  
2) If Luigi saved Peach insted of Mario, what would you do?

Right, I'm off!

_-GlitterBunny_

Wendy: Agh, it's a pain. Don't remind me. And yea, all of me is important to like, well, me. And I'm totally nice if you're like, not a jerk to me.

**Bowser:** Pft. Right. And I'm Mario's best friend, and we hang out all the time. *rolls eyes* I'd slug him, if he walked in right now. And I dunno. I would punch him too?

Kammy: Should I even read this one, sire?

Bowser: 'Pends.

Kammy: Oh I suppose I will.

_hey bowser i saw around 1800 kids on your bridge and they have built a big city and mario rules bowser suckes_

**Bowser:** I'm so happy that you can observe stuff like that. Good for you, brat. And yea, you suck for writing this. SO THERE.

Kammy: That was His Highness being sarcastic, in case you didn't know. Hard to tell through something that's typed of course.

"_Alright, me back and with questions, wan XD_

Wendy: What do you prefer, dancing or singing, or you don't like either of them... or you like both, wan?  
Who is the MOST annoying of your brothers? In your opinion of course, wan  
Do you like candies and/or chocolates, wan? (Random question~)

Bowser: Do you eat "Aztecan Soup"? (don't know if it is written like that XD) I mean, it is spicy, and delicious... and soup owo

And this is for everyone: since you sleep without shells then it is safe to assume you use pijamas... right? XD

PS: Hey, Your Snappiness, why do you hate me so much? T~T Oh, and if you see a girl with a fox tail and ears wearing a paratroopa's shell waving at you, then it is me, I got a job on your castle, as a guard... a very lazy and carefree guard, but at least I don't jump off cliffs, wan! (but I bet you would like me to do so x3)"

_-Carito-Fox_

Wendy: I love doing both. And the MOST annoying? Morton's pretty obnoxious sometimes. And I love chocolate but I can't eat too much of it.

**Bowser:** Or else you'll get FAT. *grins*

Wendy: Shut up!

**Bowser:** Nope, never heard of this soup. Sounds good though. And yea I uh…I sleep…in…under….clothes.

Wendy: Yea, pajamas. Like, I would be so mortified if I like, saw one of my brother's walking around without anything on. Horror much?

**Bowser:** And you're workin at the castle I'm at now, or the one that's being destroyed? I'mma say this one, since you're supposed to be evacuated by now. Well good for you, on getting the job. Don't screw it up. *glares*

Kammy: Congratulations indeed! Make Lord Bowser proud!

_Might as well get in on the action. I have some questions for His Majesty, King Bowser._

1. Do you have any human minions?  
2. In between kingly duties and kidnapping Princess Peach, what do you do for fun?  
3. I just know I'll get snapped at for this one, but it refers to the scene in "Superstar Saga", where you got stuck in that cannon. If you could have freed yourself, what would you have done to Tolstar? (His remarks struck me as being rather uncalled for.)

Thank you for your time, and long live the king!

**Bowser**: A few. Not a lot though. Not much humans can do, really. *sneers* And I uh, I guess I dunno. I mean, I never have a lot of time off. And yea, I prolly would've engulfed him in flames.

Kammy:

_ Yeah Im finnailly caught up! Hope you get to my review._

*An older tall and strange human looking "koopa" approaches Kammy*  
*Gives letter then leaves*

Oh your greatness please answer my questions with your, uh wisness.

Kammy:How did you lose your shell and what color was it?  
Lemmy:Wish I could have met you before Iggy got to you.  
Bowser:Do you even know Peach's last name?  
Kammy:How much sleep do you get. I have sympathy.  
Bowser:How many of your kids believe in Santa Clause.  
Bowser:Who designs/builds your castles. If you say minions, are they the same ones who walk off cliffs?  
Bowser:How did you feel after survivng a supernova at the end of Galaxy?

Well that's all. Don't you just hate it when human kids get in your castle. *looks around supiciously*

-Code1295

Kammy: Erm…thank you…*calls after the koopa* Ah, well, I didn't LOSE my shell per say but it's heavy, and I'm just not as strong physically as I used to be so I tend to leave it off.

**Bowser:** It's….Toadstool…right?

Kammy: Yes, sir.

**Bowser:** Uh. Well. YEA. Course I know her last name!

Kammy: I never sleep. On average I might get two hours. I have to blast myself with special potions to help keep me awake.

**Bowser:** And Junior's almost growin' out of it I think, but he prolly still believes. And yea, my CONTRACTORS build my castles. It's their job. They're good at what they do too. And wow, sweet. I'm tough enough to survive implosions in SPACE, man!

Kammy: Tough as nails, His Toughness is!

_What up Wendy!_

Do you concider yourself the prettest girl in the universe?  
What is your favorite boy band?  
And if you somehow get a zit, do you totally frak out?

You're the prettiest koopa of them all

-Superstar Starlena

Wendy: Yes I do. *beams* And I love all kinds so I can't really pick a favorite. And I like NEVER get zits. I'd totally die if I did.

Kammy: One more, and I'm seriously thinking about screening these, sire.

_hey bowser where are you in your castle i cant find i looked in the kitchen witch was destroyed the throne room witch a herd of buffilo were eating the main lobby wich a bounch of kids were having a party in and your bedroom wich was being eatin by piranha plants so tell me were you are so i can throw a pie at you_

_-Explorer_

**Bowser:** Pft, yea, but at least there's a question in this one's. Answer is, I ain't IN that castle anymore, kid. Ain't tellin' you where this one is either. *grins*

Kammy: Well this was CERTAINLY a long session! WHOO! I'm out of wind! What are we to expect next time, sire?

**Bowser:** Uh…to NOT be bothered by weird kids. And I'll try to get Ludwig to come on. I'll "break him from his concentration."

Kammy: Heh heh, on another note, there's something I've been meaning to say…

**Bowser:** What?

Kammy: I'm sorry, but King Bowser is in another castle! *grins*


	16. Little Schiesskopf!

Hello. I thought I should make my presence known to the readers. Pete the Koopa here and it's been my sole task to record King Bowser's answers to your questions. I mean, these things don't type themselves up. I hope I'm doing an alright job. I've tried to record everything as it actually happens here. Please excuse any typos and grammatical errors.

**Bowser:** BAHHH, WHAT'RE YOU TYPING AWAY FOR, WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!

Kammy: Erm. Hello reader fans. Well we've reached quite a pike in our reviews and to avoid lengthiness or not being able to fit in everyone's questions I actually do have to start doing my job of screening certain reviews. It's perfectly fine to respond to His Highnesses answers, but there must be a question in your review somewhere, or I'm afraid I cannot read it.

**Bowser:** Yea, so all you kids can't spam the hell outta me.

Kammy: Right!

_Hey, Bowser, I have a couple of things I thought I'd ask..._

Which kind of your minions do you feel are the most useful?

How did you feel when you entered your castle in Bowser's Inside Story and found out that Fawful had plastered pictures of his face all over it, and nobody recognised you?

Which of your children do you find the least annoying?

What would you do if Fawful entered your throne room right now, laughing?

What would you do if Smithy entered your throne room right now, brandishing a massive hammer?

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you shouldn't pay any attention to the people who belittle you and put you down, because you're a badass villain who desrves respect, and they don't know what they're talking about. I admire you greatly and would love to meet you in person, but I don't want to annoy you so I won't camp outside your current castle. I know where it is, though. ¬.¬

Janus out. *salutes*

**Bowser:** I'd like to think my Hammer Bro Troop poses a pretty serious threat, but they fail too. Seriously, I can't depend on any of my stupid minions. And how did I feel? Like killing every one of those stupid brain-washed traitors! Man! I hate that little creep! And I dunno, all of my brats are pretty…out there…and as for beans-for-brains and the other guy, I CAN TAKE 'EM BOTH ON!!! Just let 'em TRY and enter my domain unannounced!!

Kammy: Indeed, sire, let them taste the flame of your superness!

_But I could run your castle better... I mean, all of your previous endeavours have failed miserably (The first time was the worst... you lost because you installed a button that made you fall into a pit of lava. Where in that sentence did you think "Genius!?!"), an extremely large chunk of your minions willingly walk off of cliffs, you've spent the last ten years obsessing over a woman who has never acknowledged your existence in a positive way, and you've been consistently beaten in mortal combat (both the activity and the video game, I would assume) by a small, portly Italian man whose claim to fame is jumping quite high. Seriously, if I was in charge, all my minions would be like... futuristic space robots, and we'd be all about conquering planets and stuff, and my arch-nemesis would be the reanimated corpse of Bruce Lee... yeah..._

One last question... what would you do if you actually managed to kill Mario? I mean, I know you would celebrate and such, but what would you do with your life? How would you spend your time? I imagine it's much like a dog trying to catch a car: wouldn't know what to do with one if he actually succeeded. Admit it Bowser, as much as you hate him, Mario gives your life meaning...

_-Super Lard Bucket_

**Bowser:** PAHHH, I TOLD YOU, BRAT, THE BUTTON AT THE END OF THE BRIDGE WASN'T MY IDEA!!!!

Kammy: Good heavens sire, we believe you.

**Bowser:** Well 'COURSE you better believe me! YOU'RE the one who came up with the stupid idea in the first place.

Kammy: Sire! I've explained to you before that it wasn't my-

**Bowser:** Excuses, excuses! Always blaming someone else, aren't we haggy?! And did you just compare me to a DOG?! Seriously?! I would be TOTALLY at ease with LIFE if Mario died. He doesn't give me meaning, he AGGRAVATES me, and if he'd disappear I'd finally be able to accomplish all of my dreams!!

Kammy:

_Me agian!  
So Bowser, why are you so obsessed with Peach? I mean, really, she's just a person.  
Thanks;)_

_-StrawberryKiwiBanana_

**Bowser: **JUST A PERSON?! More like just the GREATEST person ever!! Seriously!

Kammy:

_How does it feel to be trampled under mario's stinky socks all the time?_

_-ANameForNow_

**Bowser:**…I was in a good mood too!! I don't get trampled ALL the time!

Kammy: Most of…the time…sire.

**Bowser:**…Ok, MOST of the time…but not ALL the time. AND ONLY 'CUZ HE CHEATS!

Kammy: Debatable….erm….sire…

**Bowser:**….WHAT D'YA MEAN DEBATABLE?!

Kammy: Erm, n-no! His Powerfulness is right! The fat plumber cheats!

_Yo, spiky turtles of doom. I have more questions!_

Bowser: Have you ever seen a Shy Guy without a mask?  
Ludwig: Who's your favorite composer besides Beethoven?(I assume he's your favorite)  
Kammy: Out of all the different places in the Paper Mario series you've been to, which one's your favorite?  
-MagickHobo

**Bowser:** *shudders* Oh man, hell yea I saw one without its mask on. It's scary. Scarier than me.

Kammy: It was pretty horrifying actually. Gave me nightmares for….for…weeks…

Ludwig: Aaah Beethoven, he's quite ze musical genius iz he not? I'm also a great fan of Mozart's vork, although I am equally az good az any of zese great composers!

**Bowser:** *stares* …I forgot you were here.

Ludwig: *glares*

Kammy: *staring at the both of them* Uh…I guess…I'm uncertain. I'm not particularly fond of going out. But whatever King Bowser requests of course, I comply.

_Ludwig: Why did you invent the Bowser Cannon in Bowser & the Cannon?_

All: Favorite Music?

Koopa King: In Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, what is your favorite technique?

Ludwig: Tell me, why did you invent things?

Koopa King: Favorite Kart in Mario Kart Wii?

Bowser: What is your best moment in New Super Mario Bros. Wii?

All: How many times did you defeat Mario?

_-dragon19kyoshi_

Ludwig: I never invented such a zing…

**Bowser:** I heard of that thing before. Who the hell invents this stuff and names it after me anyways?!

Kammy: Yes, truly a mystery, sire.

**Bowser:** Well whatever. At least it's named after me. So it must be a great invention.

Ludwig: Your logic defies all reasoning, eh vazzer?

**Bowser:** I can't tell if you're bein' sarcastic or not.

Ludwig: …Shall I make a sign for you zen? *rolls eyes* Classical, naturally.

**Bowser:**…Okay, I'm pretty sure that one was sarcasm…

Kammy: His Highness is a regular genius in deciphering tone! *grins*

**Bowser:** Hey SHUT UP! And my best moment? Huh….BEIN' HUGE AN' STUFF! I was so awesome! Not that I'm not usually, but that time I was an extra heaping of awesome!

Ludwig: I don't really...invent zings…per say. I occasionally assist Ignatius ven he requires me to. My true passion iz and always vill be composing, however.

Kammy: …Sire, I don't suppose you've ever truly defeated Mario, have you?

**Bowser:** *crosses arms* I don't want to talk about it.

Kammy: Ooh, alright then, sire.

_Hmph! Fine then I won't stop annoying you, bleh! And no, I WON't shut up about your mother ** plan you ** sucking bastard! You use the same ** plan over and over again, it's goddamn predictble! And you can kiss my A-S-S if you don't like it! Now time for questions._See ya 'Boss', Kammy and Prince Ludwig

Bowser) I'll ask a NICE *Hacks* question today. How would you look if you were human? Cause HUNDREDS of your fangirls think you'd look like a sex god if you were.

Ludwig) Must... resist... urge to glomp *Smacks self* Um, What kind of music do you compost? Do you like hip hop and rock or do you curse the people who made it to the seventh layer of hell? Who's your favorite sibling? What do you think of Bowser, Kammy, Kamek, Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach? Man that's a mouthful. Do you have a accent? Cause you seem like you'd have a German accent, maybe French.

Kammy) Well can't say I didn't try *shrugs* But, whatever.

And your Highness if you look out your window and see brown-haired blue-eyed nine tailed fox girl wearing a Shy Guy outfit, but no mask. That's me, I got bored raiding your castle and hear my friend Carito-fox join so I did to. Don't expect me to treat you any respect just cause I work for you.

-NinetailsGirl09

**Bowser:**….*wrinkles up snout in disgust* Why the HELL would I wanna look like some HUMAN?! I'm devastatingly handsome as it is! I already AM a sex god! And….and you better WATCH yourself, I OWN you, got it?! How 'bout you get with the program and treat me as your boss with some RESPECT. Little punk…*grumbles*

Ludwig: I compose ze classical music of course! It's ze only kind of music for me! Hip hop and rock? You are referring to ze junk my siblings listen to, yes? ZAT IS NOT MUSIC IT IS NOISE!!! ANNOYING NOISE!!! *pant* *pant* Az for siblings zhey are all ignorant numbskulls vith brains being ze size of peas. But I suppose Morton can be bearable vhen he shuts up for five seconds. My vazzer is… loud.

**Bowser:** WHU-WHAT?! I AM NOT!

Ludwig: *exasperated sigh*It is hard to concentrate on my music vhen he is alvays so loud. Kammy and Kamek are vise and old, alzough zhey tend to nag. Mario? I vould care less about him if it veren't for vazzer pestering me. As for zis Luigi, iz he someone of importance? I know nothing of zis accent! Vhy are people always suggesting this?!

**Bowser:** Maybe 'cuz no one can UNDERSTAND what you're sayin' half the time!

Ludwig: *glares* Maybe if you practice a little active listening, vazzer.

Kammy: Erm…moving on, shall we! *nervously coughs*

_Aw, man! My email sucks, and I didn't realize there was another chapter, until I had written that last group of questions! Sorry, Your Majesty!_

Ludwig, if he's coming on: Have you ever heard of a haircut? Or would that big afro of yours just grow right back? Also, who's your favorite composer?

Bowser: Um...I know you've got all these crazy people harassing you, but could I come visit you? I won't eat all your food or wreck anything, I promise!

Kammy: What do you think of Harry Potter?

_-Anasazi Darkmoon_

Ludwig: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY HAIR! It takes much skill to perfect it like zis yes? You most certainly have a lot of nerve! And az I vas saying before, Beethoven iz my favorite composer.

**Bowser:** …*mulls it over* FINE. If you bring me somethin' though. Like spicy chicken.

Kammy: So nice of you, sire! *beams* And Harry Potter? Erm, it's that fad right?

_Bowser, dear...why would you think I went to Hell, anyway? I did the best I could, raising you and your sister. By the way, did you ever let her out of the lunatic asylum, or is she still there? You never should have let her have all those Invincibility Stars at once!_

Oh, and I thought you'd like to know that your dad actually did go to Hell. I just go to Hell on Wednesdays to play poker with Satan and some weird human called Jesus. Satan often accuses Jesus of cheating, but can never prove it. Oh, and Satan wants to know how hot you want your flames when you get here?

_-Your Mom_

**Bowser:** …Mom, I have NO idea what the hell you're talkin' 'bout but since that is a question, tell him he can suck-

Kammy: SIRE!

Ludwig: Vulgar beast. *glares*

**Bowser:** WHAT?! *angry glare*

Kammy: Oi, please calm yourself Your Foulness!

I _have a few more questions, should you choose to answer them._

Bowser: 1. On the few occasions when you teamed up with the Mario brothers and Princes Peach, I'm sure there was some interaction in between battles and boss fights. Can you recall any meaningful (or not) conversations with any of the group?

2. I've noticed a few Koopas with facial hair, while most of them seem to lack it. Same token for hair on the head. Do you have to shave, or are you naturally without a beard?

Ludwig: How do you find the time to compose your music, what with all the sibling interference I'm sure you have to deal with?

Kammy: What is the worst reprimand you've received from King Bowser?

Thanks again!

_-Mariel1_

**Bowser:** *deadpan* Nope. Got nothin'.

Kammy: Surely there was SOMETHING you can recall, sire!

**Bowser:**…Nope. Mario completely bores the snot outta me. Nothing that comes outta his mouth is interesting. And the hell? You askin' if I shave? Is that any of your business?

Kammy: Curiosity, sire. And I suppose it's like any species. Some are able to grow hair quickly and thickly on all areas of their bodies and some a little less so. It just depends on the family.

**Bowser:** Yea, like, all my boys got hair. 'Cept Roy…for some…weird reason.

Kammy: Morton's a bit thin on top as well, sire.

**Bowser:** And Wendy's just plain bald. *grins* Dunno where she got that from.

Ludwig: Aaah have you been hearing of a vonderful invention called a lock? I can lock myself in vith my pianos for many hours vithout disturbance!

**Bowser:** Yea, how 'bout we come out once in a while and greet the living population? Can't be healthy for you kids to stay in your rooms all day. Just look at what happened to Iggy.

Kammy: The WORST reprimand? Oh goodness. Possibly when I neglected to lock the princess in her room and she roamed free and ended up reading His Lordships's secret and personal diary.

**Bowser: ***glares* Don't be tellin' them about my diary, hag-face! I'll never forgive you for that either. It was totally embarrassing.

Kammy: I'm forever apologetic, sire. I…I am ashamed of my 'locking princesses in' skills.

_"__Um...I found your new castle. -a purple clad ninja waves at you- If you'll let me in, I promise I won't tell the others where you are!_

Since Koopa shells come off, can I have one? Can it be purple to match my outfit? I'll teach your Hammer Brothers ninjutsu if you'll give me one!

If one of your Thwomps has hemorrhoids, do you let them take the day off? Or do they have to suffer, and hope that Mario doesn't swing by?

Has Mario ever come to your castle when you HAVEN'T kidnapped the Princess?

Can you swim? Or would you just sink and drown, being that you're so huge?

Since Kammy says you don't have a tattoo, what would you get, if you decided to get one. I bet you get one of Peach in a bikini, or Mario roasting in a fire, wouldn't you?

Kammy, why were you looking at Bowser's nekkid back? Does that make you a peeping pervert?

And my last question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

_-TheNosyNinja_

**Bowser**: Dammit, NO. If you wanna come in here you better have something SUPER awesome for me! And are you even a koopa?! Shells are for protecting their weak scrawny little backs, not for just handin' out to people!

Kammy: Oh my, they can be quite the fashion statement as well though, sire.

**Bowser:** Well…yea, that too. And…uh…my thwomps…they don't…uh…

Kammy: We usually don't have that erm…problem with them. Since they're made of rock and all. They don't have innards.

**Bowser:** And no, it's not like Mario stops by for tea and cookies!! If he ever DID though, I'd hurl his sorry ass into my volcano. And of course I can swim, I swam all the way to Glitz Ville y'know!!

Kammy: Floated, swam, what's the difference?

**Bowser:** I can swim!! I can!

Kammy: Of course, sire. AND. I…I was NOT staring at His Highnesses nakedness! I walked in on him one time, and it's not as if I stayed! I turned!

**Bowser:** You DID have time to notice I didn't have any tattoos though. *grins* You pervert. And I don't really have any plans to get one. Unless Peach asked me to. Dunno why she would though.

Kammy: I was not staring at your- AGHHHH!!!

_Questions:_

Ludwig:  
Since when could you flutter jump?  
Would've made more sense to stun Mario Luigi and the toads with the shockwave ability when you fought them?  
Was you hair white when you was born? and did your years of negeglance for washing/cleaning it turn it blue?

Phil-the-Smasher.

Ludwig: It takes much superb skill zat I happen to have, and of course a little magic... And shockvaves are boring, dull, commonly used, vat iz ze fun in zat? Zey are taking no skill! And negligence? Perhaps you are zinking of someone else, as my hair vas never vite.

Kammy: I just want to say that I don't go around walking in on sire when he's showering.

**Bowser:**…

Ludwig:…

Kammy: That….that's all I wanted to say. *swallows nervously*

_To Bowser: What would you do if one of your many sons came back with a girlfriend?  
To Ludwig: Aren't you annoyed that Bowser Jr. took your spot as second in command?  
And, Who is your favorite out of your siblings and why? (classic question!)  
All: What is your favorite video game?  
Kammy: Why do you always call Bowser something like "Your angryness"?_

_-BlueLightning_

**Bowser:** Uhh, dunno. As long as she can like…have heirs and stuff and she isn't a jerk I'm ok with it.

Ludwig: Ze little brat iz taking nobodies place! He simply vhines much to get vat he vants! Az I said before, Morton az long az he iz gagged or somezing. Vhy? Because he iz interesting and suprisingly knowledgeable yes?

Kammy: His Highness is an angry fellow.

**Bowser:** That I am. I'm an angry guy.

Kammy:

_*paratroopa pops out of nowhere*  
parotroopa:LETTER FOR THE KOOPA KING!*gives the letter and leaves*_

dear Lord Bowser,did you ever think of putting a trap door in one of the rooms where you usually keep the princess locked up in?  
I mean,imagine the scene:Mario just kicked your butt,he opens the door that leads to the room where the princess is...and he falls into the boiling YOU WIN

now,i must turn my attention to Ludwig...  
so,how does it feel to be the most AWSOME,GENIUS,GOOD LOOKIN KOOPA in your family?  
do you have a pipe organ in your room?

that's it!...for now...

-Maruru-chan

**Bowser:** That…is possibly the greatest scene ever. But no, it'd be cheating. I hafta beat this guy on my terms.

Ludwig: Finally! Someone who appreciates my greatness yes? Sometimes it is razzer lonesome. Nobody is noticing my gifts. I have no pipe organ in my room, zough I am having one somevhere yes?

Kammy: So I totally didn't walk in on you the other day, sire.

**Bowser: **ARE YOU STILL ON THAT?!!?

Kammy: I just want to m-make it clear to the readers! I'm not a huge pervert!

"_I've been meaning to ask this question since Roy came on. How do you guys shoot people the bird? You don't have a middle finger. You only have four fingers (talons.)_

Ludwig, I am so happy you came on, you are the sexiest thing Nintendo ever came up with.

Back to questions, Prince Ludwig, your personality varies greatly depending on what media you're seen in. In the show, you were the mad scientist character that spoke in a ridiculously high-pitched voice (your laugh was fantastic though.) In the games, you're the evil genius composer that speaks in a German accent. In the comics, you were also a composer, but you yourself admitted your music was awful. In NSMBW, you had a really deep voice, which surprised the heck out of me. Often on fanfiction, you simply use really big words to try to confuse people. What I'm asking is, what's your real personality like and how do you really talk?  
Do you have any fans that enjoy your music and what do you think of Toadfsky (Super Mario Rpg)?  
Do you consider yourself the strongest of your siblings and what's your favorite fighting technique (blowing fire, floating in the air and landing on Mario)?  
What do you eat, when do you sleep, and do you care about how you look? (according to the show's writer's bible, you only ate fried foods, you never slept at night if you slept at all, and you never brushed your hair.)  
I've heard you loathe bathes. Is this true? If so, I could make them more enjoyable..."

_-LOTW_

**Bowser:** Uh…y'know…take away the pinky and we still have a middle finger…er…talon. It ain't rocket science, kid.

Ludwig: Gaaah, I'm having no accent! Vhy are people saying zis?! But yes my laugh iz pretty amazing! How can I have many of ze different voices?! I'm having only one voice az iz logical! MY MUSIC IZ AWE INSPIRING!! HOW CAN YOU EVEN BE CONSIDERING ZAT IT IZ BAD?! I VOULD NEVER BE INSULTING MY OWN MUSIC!!! *pant* *pant* I know nothing of zis RPG but az for zis Toadfsky he iz nicht schlecht. You certainly type a lot, don't you?

Kammy: At least they're respectful questions. A lot of people wish to know about you, Master Ludwig.

Ludwig: *rolls eyes* I suppose. Vell yes, I am ze strongest. Az for technique, I certainly surpass even Roy. Vhy do you vish to know so much about me? *sigh* Very vell I do sleep of course zough not much az I have much composing to do and such. I vash my hair of course to keep it looking az good az it iz! And fried foods? I am...I suppose… fond of zem but Kammy iz making me go on regular diets yes?

Kammy: You'll thank me in the end, Master Ludwig.

_I __am back with some more questions_

Ludwig questions

1. In New Super Mario Bros. Wii your castle seem to have a lot of deadly stuff. Are you trying to fangirl proof your castle?

2. Do you go to deviantArt?

3. If you have been there have you seen an art called Kiss and Go in which is a one page comic?

4. How do you fight off your fangirls?

Bowser

1. I been playing Super Mario Galaxy as Luigi and you clearly called him Luigi meaning you do know who Luigi is so why do you only know him by Green Stace now?

2. How do you got so cool in Super Mario Galaxy?

Thats all my questions for now see ya.

_-Porky2_

Ludwig: Heh indeed my castle iz hard to enter! But it iz to keep out Mario, nozzing so trivial az fangirls! But I suppose if one tried to sneak into my castle zey vould not be lasting long! Vhat is zis deviant art? My only art iz music of course! Az for ze fans, I have many traps Ignatius has installed in my room. Zey won't be getting through easily.

**Bowser:** I forget, so sue me!

Kammy: His Highness has many things of important nature to attend to! He forgets he has eight children sometimes, you know!

**Bowser:** Damn, eight, really? Whose idea was that?

Kammy: Erm…yours?

**Bowser:** Nah, it's whatherface's fault. She prolly planned on leaving me the whole time, 'oh but first, let's saddle him up with a bunch of brats!' Thanks. And why am I cool? The same reason the sun sets and rises every day. Just does. I just am.

Kammy: That's so poetic. I can see it on greeting cards across the nation!

_Jeez, bombing your castle? All the people probably read the last chapter and left._

Bowser: How did evacuating go? And is your shell bullet-proof? Because I get the feeling it would be.

Ludwig: How do you deal with your fangirls? Does Roy ever destroy your stuff? Where were you and your siblings in Partners in Time and Bowser's Inside Story?

Kammy: Well you desevere gifts for putting up with all the insanity in this fanfic.

And before I go, *Takes picture of Ludwig* Bye! *Runs away*

_-BigEdEddEddyFan_

**Bowser:** Oh. Went good. I think. Most of the troops hightailed it out. Cleaning up the debris now. Kinda a setback in my EXTREMELY LONG list of stuff I gotta do, but y'know. Happens. And like, bullet bill proof you mean? Yea, it is.

Ludwig: I know Roy's veakness and he dares not touch my belongings! Vhen ve are not helping vazzer ve hang around at ze castle, I am composing my symphonies ov course! Erm…enjoy ze picture…

Kammy: How do these people get in? *stares*

_Watsup? Just poping in to ask a few questions_

1) Bowser have you ever tried wasabi? You'd love it.

2)Ludwig has a fangirl ever sneaked into our room? If so what happen?

3) One more question, have you ever watch a flash called Super Mario Hyadain? If not… *Puts laptop in front of Bowser and runs* Hope you like it!

-CutePyro

**Bowser:** What-sabi? Uhm, I make it a personal policy not to eat anything I can't pronounce…

Ludwig: Zere must be a long list zat you cannot feast upon zen, eh vazzer?

**Bowser:** *glares* Says the brat who can barely pronounce anything himself!

Ludwig: *glares back* Hmph. Ah zere vas zis one time vhen one sneaked into my room but ov course vhat vith ze traps and all ze poor girl didn't last long *snigger*

Kammy: I shudder to think of the vicious traps she entangled herself in.

_Hi there guys.  
First off I'd like to say I feel really sorry for you Bowser. Having all those rabid fans invade your castle.  
Second I would like to request that you send someoneover to my place and come pick up Kamek please he is completely drunk. At the moment he's tied up and he now has a severe concussion. Oh and if he calls me Princess Peach one more time (I don't even have blonde hair!) You will be receiving him in multipule pieces.  
Yours Truly  
Kotora Blaze a.k.a WerecatWarrior  
P.S. If I have to return him personally there's gonna be hell to pay... (shows claws)_

**Bowser:** I KNOW, RIGHT?! People invading my personal domain like they OWN it or somethin'. And…the hell is Kamek drinking on duty for?! WHAT AM I PAYING HIM FOR?!!?

Kammy: *glares* You PAY Kamek?! I don't even have a salary!

**Bowser:** Erm…well. He was here before you. I mean. He and I…we have…history and…stuff.

Kammy: I cannot believe what I'm hearing!

**Bowser:** Pft, it's not like I pay him A LOT…

Kammy: More than what I've ever seen! Sire, I can't believe this. It's one thing if you choose to stop paying your cohorts, but when you pay one over the other…I mean…I sat up with Junior when he had the flu! He puked on me and everything! Do you know how HARD it is getting koopaling vomit out of your hair?!

Ludwig: Zat iz disgusting…

Kammy: Well it's true! Agh, I'm so mad.

_If you see a girl holding a Koopa Shell and waving like mad, then that's me. I stole the shell off your Koopas, and I have the map to your new castle. I MIGHT show the rest of the kids, or, if you're REALLY kind to me, I wont. ANYWAY, heres the questions:_

1) If you could begin life again as a whole new person, who would you be and what would you do?  
2) What were you like when you were at school? Did you have friends?  
3) How are you goig to punnish your RUBBISH guards?

Well, I can't be bothered to type no more, so BYE!

*Waves, and hides in the castle, still holding the map*

-Glitter Bunny

**Bowser:** Pft, what is it with you kids stealin' koopa shells all of a sudden?! And don't threaten me! A NEW person? I wouldn't WANNA be a new person. I like me. And I didn't go to school. Kamek homeschooled me. I hated going out and talking to people. How am I gonna punish them? Already did. Four days in the darkest dungeon with creepy sire.

Kammy: Creepy sire truly is disturbing. It's a punishment worse than death. As is paying KAMEK over ME.

**Bowser:** Oh come off it. I was kidding, anyways.

Kammy: You were?

**Bowser: **Maybe. *smirks*

Kammy: Ooooh! *grumbles*

_I'm back! You can't get rid of me that easily! I'm like a wall that bounces nomatter how many times you hit it! -looks out window and sees a new civilazation on the bridge- ...wow. And I thought I was high tech. If your wondering, I got in by hanglinding into a large open window.  
I know, i'm a genious._

So Bow-skii! Tell me: Have any past trauma's as a child? I highly doubt there wasn't.  
Oh! And I snuck into your family records. You have a little sister who likes to read, her brain had a blister! So did you two have a sibling rivalry?

Kammy-koo! Thanks for the lessons behind the scenes! Now I can fly around like a black cat! ... I mean a witch... cough... SO, any childhood nicknames?

WHO! Ludwig! Your my fav! EVER! Smart, evil AND create creepy symphonies. I love it.

So Luddy-kins, tell me: Does being a future king make you even slightly nervous? How do you plan to rule the kingdom? And most importanlty! What song were you writing? I'll wait in your music room if you wish to play it for me...

Man! Does time fly! I gotta go! But i'll be waiting for that symphony, Luddy-kins.

The Little CatGirl a.k.a Gatita101

**Bowser:** DAMMIT. I thought I burned those. Little bookworm SUCKS, we don't even like each other.

Kammy: Me? Nicknames? E-erm…no.

**Bowser:** Sure you do, thought your sister used to call you Wart-

Kammy: AH AH AH. SHUSH. Sire, please. *reddens*

**Bowser:** Pft. It's funny, lemme tell 'em.

Kammy: NO! Sire, please, it's awful. Just forget it.

Ludwig: Luddy-kins?! Hmph! I detest names like zis. Please desist from calling me zem! Hmmm vell if I became king I vould stop chasing after Mario and such! And concentrate on ruling ze kingdom properly. Zat include enriching ze culture of ze population. You cannot know my song I regret to say! Not yet, it iz still how you say vork in progress!

Kammy: This next one is a tad insulting to sire. Shall I read it anyways?

**Bowser:** Since when AREN'T these questions insulting to some degree?

Kammy: That's true.

_Meddy: *raises brow at the insults* I know 4-year olds you have better come backs then you. And I can read, unlike you fatty.  
Aedian: HEE HEE HEE! I LOVE making people confused! It makes me feel special~!  
Meddy: *stares at Aedian* I'm putting you back on your medicine.  
Aedian: DAMNIT *shakes fist*  
Meddy: *smacks her* Stop being random and ask the questions._

Meddy's Questions)

1) I thought Magikoopa magic didn't work on humans? So wouldn't bombing your castle not work?

2) What do you think of your fans building a city on your bridge?

3) Will you bring Kamek on already? We're getting impatient!

4) Ludwig will you play some of your music? I'm a fan of classic.

Aedian's Questions)

HAHAHAHAHA! DO YOU WANT TO HIRE SOMEONE TO KILL MARIO OR THOSE KIDS?! CAUSE I'LL GALDLY COMPLY!

LUDWIG FOR WHAT REASON DO YOU BUILD STUFF?!

AND CAN I WORK FOR YOU?! IT SEEMS LIKE A FUN JOB TO HAVE!

Meddy: Princess Peach says hi and Mario is laughing at your misfortune.  
Aedian: BYE BYE!

**Bowser:** Bombing my castle doesn't take MAGIC, stupid, it takes EXPLOSIVES. Y'know. Like BOMBS. That's what they're for. They LOVE exploding. Why not do it on my castle? And I think it SUCKS, I don't want a city on my bridge! And Kamek's currently drunk and crashed in some fan's house.

Ludwig: Ov course I'd be villing to play somezing for you.

**Bowser:** And I'd rather kill Pasta-Face myself, thanks. *glares* And if you wanna work for me, go fill out an application of somethin'.

Kammy:

_question for Bowser, Ludwig, Wendy, and Kammy._

for all. what is your favorite color?  
for Bowser

1. why did you become a bad guy?  
2. how would would you feel if you and Mario were friends?  
3. what kind of music do you like?

for Wendy

1. have you ever thought about being a good guy?  
2. do you like Princess Daisy? if yes do you get along with her?  
3. do you have anything against Mario and his friends?

for Ludwig  
you are a cool koopaling and my favorite.

1. how is it like being the oldest koopaling?  
2. do you work out?  
3 which sibling you get along with most?

for Kammy

1. Is it hard doing magic?  
2. do you use computers?

oh by the way Bowser, Wario and Waluigi want to know why you don't remember them? oh and there standing outside your castle near your bridge.

-Blackjet340

**Bowser:** Wendy's not here, but I can say on her behalf that she would totally hate Princess Daisy.

Kammy: Because you do, sire?

**Bowser:** Exactly.

Ludwig: It is so-so, sometimes it's annoying because ze ozzers nag you for some reason or anozzer. I have much of ze muscle so I suppose I do vork out sometimes! I have said zis many times, it's Morton!

Kammy: I use a computer occasionally. How else would I have been able to do this questionnaire? And it is quite strenuous to perform magic! But with age and practice it comes easily to you.

**Bowser: **I'm not a BAD guy. I just have different views then Ravioli-Breath and some of the kingdoms. Does having a different opinion automatically make you a bad guy? Yeesh.

Kammy: Sire, it appears Lemmy has written a review, but Iggy has typed it out for him…

**Bowser:** Pft, don't these kids have anything else to do than annoy me?

Kammy: …Wait a moment, look at this.

_My Dearest Father,_

If my younger sibling Junior aggravates you so much into putting him into leadership (instead of myself). Why don't you get him a toy or such to occupy him while I assume control instead of a whining ten-year old. If I could suggest maybe lock him up in a soundproof room full with video games.

-Ludwig

**Bowser: ***stares at Ludwig as he merely tilts his head*

Ludwig: Vat? *innocent smirk*

Kammy: You wrote in?

Ludwig: Merely making a suggestion.

Kammy:…

_Phew, you thought your lousy chain chomps could stop ME?, THE0PTIMUS?!?!?!?!! (Thanks ninetailsgirl for the help) Anyways that party we had at your castle was great, a few people got drunk and fell in the lava, but besides that we had a blast._

Ludwig: Sorry but I was drunk and I accidently ***d on your huge organ in your room.

Bowser: I'm going to be nice and not try to invade the other castle you're in right now (at least not YET), but have you blown up your first castle yet? If i were you i would've done it much sooner.

Kammy: Sorry for saying "I love you", I was drunk.

Bowser: How come you saved mario's life at the very end cutscene of mario super sluggers? That isn't something I'd expect from you. (Good luck trying to answer this one BWAHAHA)

Bowser: How come you're keeping a bunch of shroobs frozen in the bottom floor of your castle? Are you planning to brainwash them and use them for your evil bidding?

Bowser: Why don't you just do a huge attack with ALL and I mean ALL of your minions on mushroom castle; I can't see that plan failing at all.

Bowser: Did you know that you have a creepy queen/princess thing in the flab zone of your body? Why do you have stuff like that inside you? (I'm sure kammy will answer this one)

Bowser: 2 coins added together make 30 cents and one of them isn't a nickel, what are they?

Thanks for answering, and damn you're getting a lot of questions now. I think you oughta blow up the castle right now and get it over with (since i'm not there right now MWEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE)

The0ptimus

Ludwig: LITTLE SCHIESSKOPF!! *angrily shoves his chair across the room* Have you no IDEA of your disrespect?! Let us see if it iz so funny vhen you have to pay for zat piano hmmm?! And believe me, YOU VILL PAY!!

**Bowser: **I agree, little…schies…whatever Ludwig just said! Pft. Hope ya had fun partying. How was the explosion? And how can you NOT see that plan FAILING? If I'M at Peach's castle along with EVERYONE else, who's guarding MY castle from attack huhn?! Stupidest plan I've ever heard! And I didn't SAVE Mario. I just don't like the idea of anyone killing him but me!

Kammy: Erm…with the help of several exercise equipment, some prunes, and a waffle iron I think we've exercised the demon queen from his flabbiness.

**Bowser:** Are you asking me about EARTH money? That totally doesn't count! How the heck SHOULD I know?!

Kammy:

_The Shroom Guy is back with more questions.  
For Ludwig  
1) Ludwig, people say you're the cruelest Koopaling. Are you cruel to your brothers and sister OR cruel to people who mess with your brothers and sister? It's a big difference.  
2) Ludwig, ever think your father is chasing an unreachable dream?  
Final) Ludwig, how would you handle the Darklands when you're king?_

For Bowser  
Bowser! This craziness has got to stop! I'm surprised you haven't jumped into a lake of molten lava from all the madness from these earth kids!! Since I think you're the most badass villain I'm gonna help you out, but first you must answer this question.  
1) If Kammy won't let you fry the kids outside then how about you fry Kammy instead? She is the reason you're suffering all of this.

Now if you answered this question then a boo I sent will appear and give you two items: one is a 52 inch tv which will get rid of the pesty kids. Give to them, put it on full blast and put on the Physics Channel. Trust me, kids HATE this stuff and will take off running. The other will be a cake made by Princess Peach. Don't ask how I got it, just enjoy it and make sure no one sees you open it.

Ludwig: I am cruel to zem sometimes if you call zat cruel, but I couldn't care less if someone iz cruel to zem. In fact I may congratulate zem, for zey probably deserve it! My vazzer iz driven by an invisible force vhich most zink iz pointless. I tend to just go along vith his plans. Very vell is how I vill rule it yes? but vazzer is razzer set on staying alive I zink. *snigger*

**Bowser:** Damn straight I am! And yea…she IS the reason I'm gettin' little to no sleep at night. Maybe I should…

Kammy: THAT IS CRAZY TALK! Sire. *nervous chuckle*

_Hi Bowser, it's me again Blue Toad. Mario, Luigi and Yellow Toad only did the question thing to give you grief since they hate you and all, but I really just wanna know what happened to make you want to destroy the Mushroom Kingdom. Please tell me. I actually want the Mushroom Kingdom and Darklands to live in peace and I'm sure Peach would too, but I need to know how this problem started._

**Bowser:** Pft, what, like it matters. You're a TOAD. The heck, you my therapist now?! What do you care if we live in peace? And anyways, it's always been the Mushroom Kingdom's fault as to why we never get along. They hate us koopas!

Kammy: It seems that is so, unfortunately.

_I'm here again with questions just for Ludwig. :)_

1) How well do you speak German? Fluently or you can speak a few German words?

2) Ever thought of going to Germany? It's one of the many countries in Europe.

3) Do you also listen to opera?

4) What musical instruments can you play?

5) What are your favourite musicians and classical music?

6) Have you ever been to synthonies before?

7) What's with the puffy, dark blue hairdo?

8) Did you know there are many European characters or people living outside the Mushroom Kingdom? French people such as Dupree, Sacre & Ellie from Flipside, Bleu & Lily from Flopside, Pierre from Rougeport and Count Bleck/Blumiere, a former evil villain who used to live in Castle Bleck with his minions. He could be French 'cause of his real name. The only German person besides you is Dyllis from Flopside.

9) Do you have a German accent?

10) I hate to sound dumb but is dark blue your favourite colour?

~Flowerstar

Ludwig: Vhat is vith you people?! All you are asking about iz accents and Germany! Do you zink I have an accent seriously?! I am liking Mozart and Beethoven! All of zeir music iz perfection yes? Opera is razzer a lot of shouting, it is so-so. I much prefer classical! I am playing only ze piano and organ! And very vell too, I vould say. VHY MUST PEOPLE INSULT MY HAIR?! IT'S NOT PUFFY IT'S PERFECTION! ENOUGH OF ZE HAIR INSULTS!!It's getting on my nerves yes?!

Kammy: The last thing we need is another chair broken by Master Ludwig. *gestures to a broken chair in the corner from earlier*

_So, I just tuned in to this whole Q&A session and I seem to be enjoying myself. I'll give this a shot._

For Bowser:

How can you stand being so damn cool? :)

Also, I've noticed that a bunch of earth kids are up in your grill and thinking that all your castle are belong to them*, which could be blamed on your less-than-competent minions. Would you like me to whip them into shape lol? Earth bores me and I need something to do, and I know my way around military organization...so yeah, I'm advertising myself...

For Kammy: (don't say this one too loud lol)

I understand that you are Bowser's loyal servant, but how do you deal with that bossy slave-driver? Please, I need some pointers for my own earth job...

For Ludwig:

Would you ever consider listening to something besides classical music?

Which sibling would you consider your favorite/most tolerable?

18 and 21 are pivotal ages here on Earth, when teenagers are "officially" deemed adults and are given special "adult" privileges and responsibilities. What age would be considered pivotal - in this sense - in a Koopa's life? If you've already reached that age, what privileges were you granted?

And finally, it's been up in the air since Chapter 13, and I deem you old enough to answer maturely and honestly. What's your sexual orientation? (please don't kill me)

Waiting for answers  
Sincerely,  
Orion Z

**Bowser:** How can I stand it? Can't. Sometimes I can't get outta bed 'cuz I'm so cool.

Kammy: But sire does anyway, as I cannot handle all of his duties myself.

**Bowser:** I could always use some more military advisors. If you wanna work for me, go fill out an application

Ludwig: Agh, I don't find any of zem particularly tolerable, but Morton is quite knowledgeable. I vould NEVER consider a second glance at anyzing ozzer zen classical.

Kammy: Master Ludwig also turned twenty, which is considered quite a feat. He would be considered an adult koopa.

Ludwig: It's not az if ze privileges have flexed any.

Kammy: Sire has never really established any boundaries on his children.

**Bowser:** Like they would've listened. *rolls eyes*

Ludwig: Zat subject, also, iz terribly inappropriate. Really, discussing my sexual preference? Please. *glares*

Kammy: And erm, *whispers* in response to your question, it helps to have a positive attitude.

**Bowser:** WHAT?

Kammy: Nothing, nothing. We seem to have made is through another long awaited session.

**Bowser:** I guess.

Kammy: And also I'm leaving for the next session.

**Bowser: **….YOU'RE WHAT?!

Kammy: *smirks* Well I figured that someone else should take on the burden of question answering, and that person should be none other than lazy Kamek!

**Bowser:** Pft, way to pawn your job on someone else.

Kammy: Is that not what sire does all the time?

**Bowser:**…You make a valid point, haggy.

Kammy: I know, sire. *smirks* AND. A super special thanks to yayums for the help and IMMENSE work on this chapter. Bravo!


	17. Kamek Is Ill Suited!

**Bowser:** So….wow. You actually did what Kammy told you. That's uh…that's a first.

Kamek: *scowls* I did it simply to shut her vile trap.

**Bowser: **Well it's your job to read the questions out loud. You hafta do that. It's not so hard.

Kamek: I am well aware of my duties. Should you not be doing YOURS, Your 'Highness' instead of answering Earth children's inquiries?

**Bowser:** Shouldn't you do YOUR job instead of slacking off and watching porn?

Kamek: …

_Hey there, dragon19kyoshi here and these next questions are going to be fun! Here they are..._

For Kamek: Why did you disguise as Peach in New Super Mario Bros. Wii?

For Bowser: What is your special attack in Super Mario RPG?

For Bowser: What is your favorite time in Mario Party 7?

Kamek: Why did you create magic using your wand?

And the last one is a New Year bonus question for the both of you: With 2010 coming up, what is your resolution for the new year?

**Bowser:** See? Wasn't so hard. *grins*

Kamek: *grumbling* Of all the lousy…..agh. I disguised myself as her because that is what Bowser requested of me, to aid in his evil and nefarious scheme to lure Mario there.

**Bowser:** And the dress was kinda comfy.

Kamek: That too.

**Bowser:** Resolution? Pft. Those are so stupid. Nobody ever does what they say they're gonna do. Like Kamek, you said last year you were gonna cancel your subscription to Naughty Koopa Monthly. You so didn't. It's stashed behind your nightstand. Like I didn't know it was there.

Kamek: *reddens and coughs* I never made such a resolution and I have no idea what you're talking about.

**Bowser:** And it's always me time in every party.

Kamek: WHY do I create magic using my wand? Simply because that is how powerful magic is unleashed? Think of it as a conductor's baton in a symphony.

_It's me again, So!  
Bowser:What if you and Mario switched places? Like your roles in the videogames, I think it'd be awesome to have a bowser game  
Kammy:What do you think the most practical application of magikoopa magic is?  
Bowser: How can you afford so many freaking castles?  
Bowser: Does Parakarry deliver your mail?_

-MagickHobo

**Bowser**: Oh wow. I'M a fat plumber who never gets any action from the ladies and sweats all the time, and socializes with fungus people? Sounds totally lame. The hell would I wanna switch roles with HIM? And there are Bowser games, have you not heard of Paper Bowser, Bowser Kart, or Super Bowser 64 before?! Sheesh!

Kamek: I suppose I'll answer for hag-face. I suppose magic would be most important and beneficial to King Bowser in terms of lacing the traps, field, and himself to his advantage, as the magic does not so much as phase Mario himself.

**Bowser:** How can I aff- do you know who I am?! I ain't called the KING of Koopas for NO REASON. It's 'cuz I clawed my way to the person I am today!

Kamek: *rolls eyes* You make yourself sound so valiant. As if you received minimal help from oh, say, me.

**Bowser:** Pft,fine, you assisted. I could've easily done it by myself though. And yea, Parakarry delivers EVERYONES mail. Dunno how he's so fast.

Kamek:

_King Bowser, do you celebrate Christmas? If so, have you and your kids woken up every Christmas morning just to find loads of coal shoved under your tree? Or do you wait up every Christmas eve to cook Santa?  
You know what would be really fun? Like, more fun than kidnapping Peach? Bringing all of your kids on this show at the same time one of these days. That would be fun. C'mon, it's the holidays, you can afford to give us a bit more interesting entertainment. It'll be like a Christmas special._

Kamek, when Bowser said you two have a history in the previous chapter, did he mean, like, blackmail kind of history or you've been with him through thick and thin kind of history?

-LOTW

**Bowser:** Yea we celebrate Christmas and NO, they don't get coal. Although that's a really good idea…

Kamek: History? I SUPPOSE we have….that. We've been around each other so long it's just sort of there. That bond of knowing.

**Bowser:** I put up with you. Plain and simple. And uh, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! You want ALL my nightmares and headaches on at ONCE? You've gotta be out of your head. Not gonna happen!! Christmas special, my ASS.

Kamek: Oh come on, it'd be fun. *grins* People love to see your torment.

_Hello King, I'm back with some more questions for you._

Bowser: Where were your kids at the time while your castle was being taken over by fawful?

Bowser: So since you call everyone earth kids i'm assuming that means you're from another planet. What is your planet called?

Bowser: ;lkwerihyauwp[/

Bowser: Remember that time you stole the yoshi's super happy tree? Why the hell did you do that if you think the fruits taste "rotten"? That seems like kind of a stupid idea to me. Not that any of your other plans are particularly smart.

Kamek: You kick major **, but why did you kidnap baby luigi? I mean how did you know that baby mario and baby luigi would eventually spell disaster for the koopas?

Bowser: One more question. Lets say hypothetically, remember HYPOTHETICALLY, that I was standing right behind you right at the moment kamek was reading you this message, if I was (hypothetically) right behind you, what would be your first move? (considering that you'd try to kill me)

Thank you, your best buddy,  
The0ptimus

**Bowser**: My kids were away, at their own castles. Guy like me needs a break once in a while too, and it's not like I have their mother to send them to.

Kamek: Well, to answer your question my friend, my intelligence has enabled me to create a crystal ball that allows me to see the future. This is how I know that them youngsters would infiltrate Bowser's life.

**Bowser:** Yea, but were you able to DO anythin' about it? Nope.

Kamek: At least I tried.

**Bowser:** Pft, do I ask you to TRY? No. DO IT.

Kamek: I'll keep that in mind, Oh Demanding One.

**Bowser:** *glare* Uh, DUR. You ever see koopas runnin' freely around Earth? Not a lot, trust me. We live on a planet called Plit. And uh, INSULTING my plans again? If you ever pay attention to them they're actually quite BRILLIANT. I didn't steal the tree for the fruit, I stole it because I-

Kamek: Was a rotten angry little child who loved nothing more than seeing others miserable. *grins*

**Bowser:** That's a big part of it. Also, the yoshis never played with me. I hate them. AND HYPOTHETICALLY? *looks behind his shoulder anyway* ….That depends. You were the punk on my bridge right? Yea, I'd prolly kill you.

Kamek: Oh wow, I'm going to have to censor this one. Don't want haggy coming at me accusing me of upping the rating on here.

_*stares at Kamek* Finally... *jumps him*_

_YOU ***HOW DARE YOU MAKE POOR KAMMY DO ALL THE D-N WORK FOR THIS **** FANFIC! I OUGHT DRAG YOU TO MY HOUSE AND KEEP YOU IN THE TORTURE CHAMBER YOU ***! *hits him over the head with a mallet*_

I feel better now, so question time!

Bowser) Like I care, I'm a b*** with anger issues and not afraid of you. But because I respect the work system I'll treat you with some respect. No questions today, they're all for Kamek. *fox-like smirk*

Kamek) Heh heh heh, you better answer my two questions. Or Else. *** a rifle*

1) Why are you such a lazy, disrespectful, cross-dressing, girly sounding, Bowser-bashing, backsabbing JACKASS?

2) (I just have to ask this) Are you transexual? Examples: In New Super Mario Bros Wii your voice was extremely high and dressed up like Peach, Kammy could have done that but didn't, you did. Also, you wear a dress.

One more thing, *sets Kamek on fire* actually two, *throws him out the window* That's all, bye!

_-NinetailsGirl09_

**Bowser:** Dang, someone doesn't like you. *grins*

Kamek: I'm well aware. Look, I don't interfere usually when it comes to Kammy's ideas, especially ones that don't truly REQUIRE my assistance. I have better things to do.

**Bowser:** Right, like slack off, drink on hours, and watch turtle porn. *rolls eyes*

Kamek: Wow, let's just hold THAT over me for another year. I'm not…..what….where are these accusations COMING from? Where is your source?

**Bowser:** Pft, you did dress up as a princess…

Kamek: Because you asked me to!

**Bowser:** She has a point though, Kammy COULDA done it. You could've suggested it.

Kamek: ….I…….you……this isn't FAIR! I was merely doing my job!

**Bowser:** Plus you told me the dress was comfy.

Kamek: BECAUSE IT WAS!! I ASSURE you I am NOT a transsexual, and this…*picks up his robe and shuffles it* IS NOT, a dress. It's a cloak, a ROBE even if you will!

**Bowser:** She's got some major points though. You are lazy.

Kamek:…Well I won't argue there. I'm old. I need some rest at this point of my life.

_1. Are you afraid that when your children Take over they'll focus less on Peachnapping and turn the war economy around? If Ludwig rules he'll likely make your kingdom more Music-focused and less on pursuing Princesses perhaps, or is he obligated to remain hostile towards them?_

2. Would you consider yourself a ruler of the people? You seem to have mass support amngst your subjects. Would that be attributed to a great propaganda system going on or you having the natural charisma of a true leader?

3. Your subjects don't seem to harbor any real hatred of either Mario or the Mushroom Kingdom. Seems like they're only against them because you are. Any plans on changing that? How's morale amongst the army?

4. If you could design a trap yourself what would it be?

5. Is it true you once held the position of "The Guy"?

6. For the holidays: Have you ever engaged in a plot to steal Christmas or whatever local holidays you have there? It seems to be an obligation for all villains to ruin holiday festivities for no apparent reason.

7. Why engage in hostilities with Peach's Kingdom when peaceful diplomacy works better? Do you consider Peach a decadent autocrat who rules a bigoted Empire (Toads seem to be her most favors of subjects at least)?

**Bowser:** I'm not AFRAID persay. I just think the majority of them would screw stuff up. I mean, Ludwig's more than capable of ruling the kingdom. Peach kidnapping is more of my thing anyway. I don't think he'd pursue kidnapping her, but he might not be negotiable to Mushroom Kingdom. But I'm gonna be around for a LONG time, so anything could happen. And I'd like to think I'm a born leader.

Kamek: He was always pretty independent growing up. And he's quite charismatic to those who don't LIVE with him, as I have to. *grins*

**Bowser: **Well yea, why WOULD they harbor any ill feelings towards him? Unless he personally trampled on them, there's no vendetta. It's all politics. If one of 'em gets cold feet I have a hundred willing patrons to put in his place. And as for traps I've designed quite a few of them myself. I used to design all of the airships. And uh…Christmas while ANNOYING isn't really uh…somethin' worth stealin'. And 'ey I'm all for negotiatin' with Peachy but her toads got a thing against me.

Kamek: *bursts out chuckling* Someone wrote a letter threatening to kidnap your children!

**Bowser:** Really? *grins* They must be outta their mind! Good luck, I'll prolly see 'em back the same day. NO ONE can tolerate my kids.

Kamek:

_For Bowser,  
1)What's your favorite event on Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games?  
2)How long have you known Princess Peach?  
3)Have you ever beat Mario in a battle?_

_-Venssa The Hedgehog_

**Bowser:** Feels like I've answered these questions 'fore. I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE I HAVE. Skip on to the next set or somethin'.

Kamek:

_Hi again :)  
I have more questions as I am a very curious girl :)_

Bowser: How do you cope with Iggy's insanity? You know there is pills for that.  
Kamek: What is your relationship with Bowser and his children?  
Bowser: You know, I think Mario's a idiot as well... why don't you and your kids gang up on him or something?  
And, if Ludwig is still on, I thought Iggy would be your favorite out of your siblings considering that he is the only one who even gets close to matching your intelligence.

That's all :)

-Blue Lightning

**Bowser:** Y'know for the most part he locks himself in his room or his lab, so it's pretty okay for most of the time, and if I HAFTA deal with him, I take plenty of headache pills.

Kamek: My relationship? Erm, I suppose I occasionally have watched them. I've certainly taught them a thing or two about magic.

**Bowser:** Is there like, an echo of my evil plans in here? What do you think me and my kids have been TRYING to do to Mario all these years, plan a PARTY with him?! And what the hell, Iggy's intelligence is completely overshadowed by his creepy, if you haven't noticed.

Kamek: I think the world has noticed by now.

_Haha, it's me again. Haven't asked anything in a long time, so let's give this a shot._

Bowser, what would you do for a Klondike bar?

Kamek, out of all the koopalings, who's your favorite?

Bowser, how hot would you say your flames were? As hot as you? -shot-

That's all, haha.

~Luro-kun

**Bowser:** A Klondike bar?

Kamek: A frozen dairy treat, covered in hard chocolate.

**Bowser:** I like how you KNOW this useless crap.

Kamek: It's good to know.

**Bowser:** What would I DO for one? Uh, prolly nothin'. If I wanted ice cream I guess I'd make Kammy go get me some. I wouldn't hafta do a thing!

Kamek: Out of all of them? I can't say I favor one over the other. They each have erm…special qualities.

**Bowser:** Which is like sayin' you hate all of 'em. *smirks*

Kamek: No it isn't! I….I can't be expected to favor one of your children. It would be unfair.

**Bowser:** Pft. And hell yea, they're as hot as me!! Can't get no hotter!

Kamek: *rolls eyes*

_For King Bowser  
1)Is Kamek your father or uncle or some other relative? I ask because he raised you when you were young  
2)I know you say all your minions are idiots, but isn't there at least one minion out there who does his/her job right?  
3)Would consider allowing yoshis and toads into your army? Not Mushroom Kingdom toads, but other toads around the world. I'm sure not every toad calls King Bowser an enemy.  
4)Do you like fried egg sandwiches?  
5)Do have any other enemies besides Mario and the ones you already pummeled?  
6)If Peach told you she would marry you only if you became Mario's best friend, would you do it?_

For Kamek  
1)What's a normal day working for Bowser?  
2)Do you hate Mario just as much as Bowser does?  
3)How do you feel about Yoshi?  
4)What's your favorite spell?  
5)How long have you been in the magic business?  
6)Are you happily married?  
7)People are saying you watch p-o-r-n and drink on the job. Is this true or false?  
8)Why would Kammy think she's the better magikoopa when you helped Bowser many times to destroy Mario while all she does is give King Bowser a headache?

-The Shroom Guy

**Bowser:** Nah, he was my father's advisor actually, 'fore he kicked the bucket. And I'd like to…THINK Kamek does his job decently well, but we all know he DOESN'T so…*glares*

Kamek: *simply sits back*

**Bowser: **I pretty much despise all Toad people and Yoshis. That sounds completely mean and totally biased. WELL IT'S HOW I FEEL, SO DEAL WITH IT!! And uh…fried egg sandwiches? They're…okay I guess. AND I WOULD NEVER CONSIDER- marry you say? Really? Well…..maybe….I'd….SORTA be nice to him if SHE was in the room. But as soon as she like, leaves to powder her face, I'd totally punch him in his face a few times.

Kamek: A normal day? *scratches his chin* Well I suppose…it starts off with a morning session of magic practice with his children, followed by complete chaos in the dining room, Kammy screaming at the top of her lungs, Lord Bowser working on a scheme of sorts, something in Iggy's abode exploding, causing a foul odor in most of the upper floors of the castle. Then I'm off to train the magikoopa and newly recruited troops. And Mario? He can be troublesome for one of magic, as I am.

**Bowser:** Ain't no way you hate him more than I DO though.

Kamek: You shall always reserve that right, I'm sure. That yoshi character...well, that creature is quite a nuisance. A very big problem indeed. My favorite spell? I'm afraid I cannot expel that kind of answer to such a question...neither can I tell you how long I have been doing magic...I honestly do not know...And I am not married. And…I shall deny such rumors until the day I turn to dust.

**Bowser:** Which might be sooner than you think because if I catch you again you're toast.

Kamek: The…hag believes herself to be a BETTER magikoopa? HAH. Does she not remember who helped her achieve her job? She wouldn't have even received a second glance if not for me!

_Hey it's me again Bowser._

Just wanted to thank you for taking Kamek away. And if I ever find you at my place again I will rip out your innards and feed them to you. *giggle* Ok?  
By the way mind telling me what Creepy Sire is doing here? There is also two creepy koopas here. Ones balancing on a ball and the other is just being weird...  
I don't mind Creepy Sire, but it seems like alot of Koopas are turning up at my place and their really starting to bug me! Not to mention most of them are drunk...  
Oh Ludwig can I get a CD with some of your songs? J'ai adore la musique classique!  
That's all for now.

Yours Truly  
Kotora Blaze Fire Demon A.K.A. WerecatWarrior

P.S. I'm keeping Creeph Sire I find him Kawaii. You can keep the rest.

**Bowser:** A ball huhn? Sounds like Lemmy. And Creepy Sire? He's always gettin' out. Dunno how he does it. I think he dug a tunnel under the castle. I'll wrangle him up in a few days maybe.

Kamek:

_Hello again, Your Majesty! You like spicy food, too? You're a Koopa after my own heart. ^_^ I've enclosed samples of several spicy chicken dishes I can make: Fiery Buffalo Wings, Jalapeno Chicken Enchiladas, Super-Spicy Chicken Curry, and Cajun Style Southern Fried Chicken. I hope you like them. And thanks for letting me in the castle. I'd come up to your chamber to greet you in person, but I decided to go to the kitchen to cook some other things I think you might like._

Ludwig: Sorry if I offended, you, but your hair does look like you don't brush it. Since you claim you take care of it, what kind of hair-care products do you use? And what is your natural hair color? I've seen it both white, and blue. Do you sing, as well as compose? Also, what are your favorite pieces by Beethoven and Mozart? Mine are Moonlight Sonata and Turkish Rondo, if you're interested.

Kamek: You're such a dirty old man...Magikoopa...whatever! I bet you use your magic for really perverted things, don't you? Also, why do you do such things while on the clock, and why do you badmouth Bowser?

Pete the Typing Koopa: Thanks for writing all this stuff down for everyone! You're doing a great job! And if you're a green-shell, at least it keeps you away from those perilous cliff ledges!

-Anasazi Darkmoon

**Bowser:** ….Kamek, make me all of this food, ok?

Kamek: Do I look like a master chef?

**Bowser:** Can't you poof it with your magic?

Kamek: You know it won't taste nearly as good as actual food.

**Bowser:** ….Guess I'll make Kammy make it when she gets back. Or maybe this kid'll make it. Did I even hire her?

Kamek: Again, do I look like I'd know? *poofs up a cup of tea, sipping it slowly* And I never badmouth His Lordship.

**Bowser:** Pfftftfft, right. Sure. *rolls eyes*

Sidenote from Pete: Thank you, kind reviewer! And yes, clerical work certainly gets me off of the field!

Kamek:

_Bowser, dear, you might as well tell all your fans what happened with your sister, since they seem to love you and your mostly evil ways. Why DO they love you so much, anyway? Are they even members of the kingdom? And why aren't you willing to let them fight that Mario character for a while? It'd give you a little more time to get your traps ready. Oh, and when your dad isn't screaming in fiery torment, he sends his love._

P.S. Tell Kamek that I knew about his "secret" crush on me.

**Bowser:** AGH, MOM! Come on, don't go there with my sister. They don't need to know! It's old news. And Mario's MY rival, if anyone's gonna spar with him it's ME. And uh….*whispers* Tell dad hi.

Kamek: *spits out his tea at the last sentence*

**Bowser:** ……..What's this about a crush on my mom?!

Kamek: ……*stares up at him, mouth gaping* N-nothing, sire!

**Bowser:** You creep!! *glares* You liked my MOTHER?!

Kamek: …..*scoots away* I don't know WHAT you are talking about, that is simply ridiculous. ANOTHER LETTER!

_Umm...something super-awesome? How about these? -holds out a bunch of MultiFlowers- You give these to your Hammer Brothers after I teach them Ninjutsu, and Mario can't possibly stomp on all of them. Also, I enclosed one for you, so that if that fat prick tries to grab one of you by the tail, another one can snatch him up and chuck him in the lava, or down a hole._

No, I'm not a Koopa, but I heard that wearing a Koopa shell is good for strength and stamina training, plus the spiky ones are VERY fashionable...so may I have one, pretty please?

What if Mario happened by while you had a plumbing problem? Would you chuck him into the lava before OR after he fixed the problem?

Also, what's with all the skulls lying around the kingdom? Are they decorative, or do the Darklands not have any sort of burial/ceremony for the dead? Don't all those corpses lying around put you all at risk for disease?

Do you intentionally leave your bedroom door open where perverted lady-Koopas like Kammy can see you naked? Or do you just do it with the hopes that Peach might walk by and be impressed?

Ludwig: Do you like girls or boys? I've read some stories of both, but I'd like to hear it straight from the Koopa's mouth.

And one last question: What's the weirdest non-Mario, non-enemy related incident that's happened to your troops inside any of your castles?

Nosy Ninja, AWAY!

**Bowser:** Well…I like stuff that helps me trounce Mario…so I guess you can have a shell. Not like I own all the shells of the world, though. You don't hafta y'know, ask. And I'm not BEYOND asking my greatest rival to fix my plumbing. He's good at his job, and I demand the best quality of work! But I wouldn't chuck him into lava after because what if he did a sucky job on purpose? Well then he'd be dead, and my pipes would still be broken. Who loses? Me. And for the most part the skulls and… corpses lying around are my Dry Bones spies. They kinda just throw themselves wherever and listen.

Kamek: For the most part? *raises a brow and cackles*

**Bowser:** *grins* For the most part. AND. UH. Ludwig…he ain't much into dating. Says music is his greatest love, or somethin'. But uh…if he WERE…I'd have to safely assume he liked women…or…would be attracted to them. This is weird to think about. And incidents? One time, somebody left the chain chomp gates unlocked and they got out and pretty much ate everyone and then upchucked them. It was disgusting. But somewhat hilarious.

Kamek: *sips his cup of tea*

_Hey Bowser what do have to say about Dark Bowser? - Shadow Midna_

**Bowser:** …….I have nothing to say. Except. I ROCK, YOU SAD EXCUSE OF A COPY!

Kamek: Good Lord, there's so many funny reviews. I'd read them but haggy would consider them spam.

**Bowser:** Heh, like the end of the world one? And there's one from my kids. The hell, this ain't the COMPLAIN-A-THON. Suck it up, bunch of babies.

_Kamek: __Hi! Its me 1ryeguy8!  
Anyways, for Bowser:  
-Whats it like to be the greatest thing since cinnamon rolls and DNA?  
-Do you like bowling?  
-Whats your favorite part of the day?(besides kidnapping Peach)  
-Would you rather me nuke the kids on the bridge or sic my Chain Chomps,Bullet Bills,Hammer Bros,and Kamekaze Kannons on them cuz im gonna do either one  
-could i be your second in command because i have all of the preivously mentioned things,I know wicked training excercises,have a genious plan to kill Mario involving a STOP sign a printer a lamp and 40 pounds of Bob-Ombs, and i also make a pretty mean hot dog  
For Kamek:  
-Do you think you should be nicer to Bowser, because he is the greatest thing in the universe  
-How is it possible for a Magikoopa to use a (for want of a better word) shiny,yellow,backscratcher to cast spells  
-What are 3 words you would use to describe Bowser(be careful, im watching from right behind you)  
See thats another reason i should be your second in command, I have amazing stealth/recon skills  
For the kids on the bridge:  
-dont you have anything better to do like, build Bowser a giant statue or see how many licks are in the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?  
Bye,  
1ryegy8_

**Bowser:** What's it like? Uh, it's like an unbelievable incredible feeling of awesome that none of you could possibly ever relate to. And bowling's not bad. My favorite part BESIDES kidnapping Peachy? Uhm….I guess…..THINKING about kidnapping Peachy. *grins* And sorry kid, the bridge's already destroyed. Nuked it the other day. But uh…my second in command's already filled. You need way more experience.

Kamek: As if you could fill my shoes. *smirks and continues to sip his tea* And would the child like an up close and personal view of my 'shiny yellow backscratcher' aimed at their face? I would think not. And Lord Bowser is….let me think…Brash…Over-Zealous…and quite….Cranky. *grins*

**Bowser:** If I knew what the other two were I might be a little bit angry. But I hear the cranky, and I agree, you perverted old sorry excuse of a magikoopa geezer. *smirks*

Kamek: Thank you, Your Vile, Pitiful, Cannot Get A Date With Peach –ness. *smirks*

_Hey, Your Hotness, I have a question! Boxers or briefs? Or do you go commando?_

-Sexy Koopa Lady

**Bowser:** Heh heh, wouldn't you like to know? *pats his shell* Too bad you'll never get to see the utter hotness that lies underneath this sexy shell.

Kamek: Oh yes, too bad for the world. *rolls eyes*

_Umm...it's me, the Nosy Ninja. I forgot to mention this earlier, but my cousin, the Not-So-Nosy Ninja, found this in the burned-out husk of a nearby house. -holds up a black striped, blood red egg- Is it a Koopa egg? If it is, what kind of Koopa will it be? Which leads to another question: Do all Koopa types carry the DNA of every other Koopa type? For example: a Dragonkoopa and a Magikoopa pair up and have a baby. Is there the possibility of that baby being born a regular Koopa or a Hammer Koopa? If it hatches while I have it, and it's a Koopa of some sort, is it going to imprint on me as its mother? Do you want it? If you could add these with the earlier questions I asked, I would be most appreciative._

P.S. I didn't tell her where you live, so don't worry about her showing up.

Kamek: If I'm not mistaken that might be a 'Dark Koopa' sub species. It enjoys the dark. And if the following were to be performed it would not be open to all species, it would simply take on the DNA of the stronger traits. In this case, dragonkoopa features would dominate. Magikoopa would dominate a Koopa Troopa, and so forth. It is highly unlikely that the baby would take on any other traits then that of the mother and father, unless in a rare case, some other sub-specie DNA was in the family history at one point. Then there's a slight possible chance of the baby turning out a different sub-species. And part of the egg hatching process ensures the baby waking up to the first thing it sees, which usually is its natural mother.

**Bowser:** So we made it, Thank Almighty Koopa.

Kamek: It wasn't terrible, but I'd rather be training. Kammy's much more apt to handle this sort of job.

**Bowser:** Well at least she gets me stuff when I ask, lazy.

Kamek: Ah well, you'll have your little slave back for next time, yes? *grins*


	18. Kammy's Not So Secret Crush!

Kammy: A season greetings to all of our faithful readers!

**Bowser: **Yea yea, get on with it haggy-mchaggerton.

Kammy: Feeling grumpy today, Your Scrooge-ness? Aww. Was Kamek not agreeable with you last time?

**Bowser:** Pft, he was okay. I found out he had some weird obsession with my mother though, and that's something I would've preferred not to hear about.

Kammy: …..I knew it.

**Bowser:** WHAT WAS THAT?!

Kammy: Nothing, nothing, nothing. *pats the top of his head* Have a good holiday, sire?

**Bowser:** *glares as she continues petting* It was alright. Lots of yelling, as usual. Food tasted o-WOULD YOU STOP THE PETTING?!

Kammy: *shrinks back* Sorry, sire. Shall we get to the letters?

_Hello your highness. I know that you don't read a lot of fanfiction, but have you read "Beauty and the beast" about you falling in love with Peach's sister after Peach broke your heart. How do you feel about being a perv in the story? Huh? That part where you stare at Raven while in the bathroom. I did not know you where that pervy_

-mexirockergirl

**Bowser:** *eye twitch* What in the HELL you kids readin' about nowadays? Does Peach even HAVE a sister?

Kammy: You know…I'm not actually sure.

**Bowser:** Well….why's Raven using my bathroom anyway?! WHAT RIGHT DOES SHE HAVE?!

Kammy: How do you know it's even your bathroom? Could be hers.

**Bowser:** Well the hell's she got the door wide open anyway? Does Peach's sister NORMALLY attend to her private affairs with the door hangin' wide open for everyone to walk past and see?

Kammy: How rude of her, sire!

_You cant get rid of ME!  
Anyways,  
For Bowser:  
-I'm not scared of Kamek's shiny-yellow backscratcher, what's your worst fear(if you dont have any which you definetly dont then what is your favorite food)  
-BTW, I know why Peach loves Mario. Mario slipped Peach a Love potion given to him by...Kammy! (holds up a video showing Kammy selling a love potion to Mario in exchange for 30 coins and a Super Mushroom) anyway, what would your preffered method of punishment for Kammy be?  
- Have you ever thought of having Morton annoy Mario to death?  
- When your not using him for evil or Halloween can i have Creepy Sire as a pet?  
- How much would you be willing to give Mario in exchange for leaving Peach 'cause he'd probably take a bribe  
From,_  
1ryeguy8

**Bowser:** …….Is that a PUPPET of you?

Kammy: It looks so cheaply made too.

**Bowser:** Although I wouldn't put it past you to do something like that. Everyone's always against me. TRYIN' TO BRING ME DOWN!!

Kammy: Good heavens sire, we don't do it on purpose.

**Bowser:** ….I'd like to say I don't have any fears. But that would make me look shallow. And let's face every guy has fears.

Kammy: ….That sounds so unlike you.

**Bowser:** You're right. *ahem* I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING!!!! *grins* Better?

Kammy: You were scaring me for a second.

**Bowser:** And I think someone already took claim on Creepy Sire. Which is ok by me because…well….he's creepy. Oh and as for Morton, yea, anyone would suffer after listening to that kid yammer on. Though it wouldn't be as torturous as I'd like, considering Mustache-Mouth's my greatest rival and all.

Kammy: I must say, I am appalled at some of these letters coming in. Not that I mind reading them. They're just…..so inappropriate for smaller children.

**Bowser:** …Yea hag, which is WHY we rated it T. Stupid old….

Kammy: …..

_This question is only for Bowser: If you could have 1 power in New Super Mario Bros. Wii, what will it be?_

And for Lakitu: How does the start signal work?

-dragon19kyoshi

**Bowser:** Uhhh…the power to squash Mario down like the bug he truly is? And…whoever said Lakitu was even coming on? He's directing traffic, why would he be here?!

Kammy:

_Wow! So many questions! You guys seriously need a break! Anyway, not to help the matter, I have questions for you:  
Bowser:  
1. What do you see in Peach? What makes her so special?  
2. Do you have a soft spot for Mario and his friends? I say this because you gave them each a birthday present during Mario Party 4.  
3. How do you tolerate such incompetence from everyone?  
4. How long do you really know Mario? I`ve played Partners in Time, so you must have known him longer than 10 years right?  
5. Why don`t you take Kammy out on a date? I mean, you are both around the same age right? XD  
Kammy:  
1. How do you honestly put up with everything that goes on at the castle?  
2. Honestly, how do you feel about Bowser? Do you like him? A lot? Or even more than a lot? :)  
3. Do you have a secret crush like Kamek does with Bowser`s mother? :)  
Kamek (if he is still around):  
1. How did it feel to lose to Baby Mario and Yoshi?  
2. Why are you such a pervert?  
Thanks!  
-ChrisMSMB_

**Bowser:** What makes her special?! WHY, EVERYTHING!! Her face, her eyes, her flowing hair, her refreshing personality…

Kammy: Good grief, we'll be stuck here for hours…

**Bowser:** Pah, alright, alright. But seriously, I could go on forever about my precious Peachy. She's so wonderful. BUT AS FOR MARIO. I TOLERATE him and his dumb crowd. If I went around completely enraged that he constantly foils my greatest schemes all the time I'd never get to kick his ass in sport competitions, and partake in stomping him into the ground at various resorts. And really, he only succeeds in thwarting me BECAUSE of my incompetent employees. *slowly turns to glare at Kammy*

Kammy: ….This is not my fault. *reddens with embarrassment*

**Bowser:** …..Why DO I put up with you idiots? *tilts head*

Kammy: ….We're adorable?

**Bowser:** ….*wrinkles snout in disgust* Nice try, haggy. And…….uh. It seems like I've know Mario for WAY too long. Definitely knew OF him when my kids were bein' born. But I dunno. He was just some plumber guy then. Who'd-a thunk, huhn? ……..SCREW YOU.

Kammy: *is terribly red* …..

**Bowser:** AND I'M NOT OLD!!! I might have kids, punk but you hafta be JOKING me. Hag-zilla over here is AT LEAST a thousand years old!!

Kammy: *frowns* Now wait just a darn minute…

**Bowser:** *stares at her and shudders* …..Man. No way in HELL I look THAT old…

Kammy: ………AHEM. Erm…….to…..to continue with……the answering…..process. I am uncertain of how my feeble mind continues to hold up under King Bowser's constant demands and pressure. In……any……case. He is my boss. Nothing more. *coughs slightly*

**Bowser:** …….What? You look like you wanna add more to that.

Kammy: …….Not at all.

**Bowser: **……Come to think of it. I ain't ever heard you talk about a 'Mister Kammy Koopa.' Not that I WANT to hear about your love life. Just thinkin' out loud here.

Kammy: *reddens again* That's because I don't HAVE a husband! I'm….I'm saving myself.

**Bowser:** *bursts out laughing* Kinda a bit late in life, don'tcha think?!

Kammy: NO! I simply haven't found the RIGHT man to swoon me from my broomstick is all!

**Bowser:** Pahaha, you're like an old soggy pickle, marinating in a lonesome jar.

Kammy: …..I sire, am HARDLY an OLD, SOGGY PICKLE!! I'm at my PRIME as a magikoopa, I'll have you know! I'm gorgeous!!

**Bowser:** Woo, man. *wiping a tear from his cheek* I haven't laughed that hard in a while!

Kammy: You…..YOU…….*flailing her fists around* READ YOUR OWN DARN FANMAIL!!! *poofs out of the room in a cloud of smoke*

Bowser:….AW COME ON! I was just…..kidding! I can't OPERATE a computer, haggy! You know that! I can't do this!

Pete: If I….may, sire. I could step in until Ms. Kammy has time to cool her head.

Bowser: …You're gonna type this up, AND read? Well shoot, go ahead. I ain't stoppin' you big shot.

Pete: Thank you sire!

Hi again :) Sorry if I insulted you, your greatness  
Questions!  
Bowser, if you had to spend an entire day with Iggy or Morton, who would you choose? (Iggy's insane, But Morton can't shut his freaking mouth so...) And, how rich are you?  
Kammy: YAY YOU'RE BACK :) I dun like Kamek. He's a pervy koopa x3 But anyway, who's your favorite koopaling and why? (answer truthfully please)  
Bowser: Is Ludwig the only sane one out of your children? (Besides Larry... but he's kinda weird too) And you are the awesomist evil villain ever, because you have a motive :) And you're plain awesome :D

Bye for now :)

-Blue Lightning

**Bowser:** Uhh, man. Depends on how much medication I have with me at the time. Wow. An entire day with one my children. Uh….man. I dunno, Iggy's stuff can EXPLODE y'know. I remember the faceplant into concrete incident and I wouldn't care for a repeat. Then again, after a while Morton's mouth feels like an explosion to your head so….man. My claws are tied. I can't choose. Literally. Can I say neither? 'Course I can. AND HEY. MY PERSONAL FINANCES ARE NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX! …..Richer than YOU though, I guarantee it. *snorts*

Kammy: *pokes her head into the room* …

**Bowser:** …..You done poutin' or WHAT?

Kammy: ….*strolls in and resumes her seat* I only came back because of the kind fans…

**Bowser:** Whatever. *crosses arms*

Kammy: …My favorite of Bowser's kin? I do enjoy talking to the Crown Prince, despite his need to play for an audience for HOURS on end. Mainly me being that audience.

**Bowser:** Better you than me. And Ludwig's not exactly SANE. More together possibly, but I wouldn't say any of my children have any sort of normal rational.

Pete: You seem a bit troubled, Ms. Kammy. Shall I read a few more?

Kammy: It'd be very appreciated…*rubs at head wearily*

Pete: Yes ma'am!

_Nice chapter Kamek is BOSS!_

Questions:

Kammy: Are you and Kamek related?

Bowser: I don't understand how in the 7 levels of Hell Mario can pick you up! I mean your a heavy guy! (Like shell wise and muscle wise) he's what 150 pounds lbs of pasta?

Also, instead of kidnapping peach you should send a flase note to Mario & Luigi have your children guard the castle then lay waste to the Mushroom Kingdom!

One more question Has Iggy ever made a gaint laser for you to install on your ship? He should instant desruction.

Phil-The-Smasher (Really nice guy)

**Bowser:** I know, right?! That's why I say he cheats! Star Spirits give 'em that strength, or else I could totally waste that guy! Punks…

Kammy: Hurm….he's….a very DISTANT relative of mine…..I'd rather not go into details.

**Bowser:** And I don't wanna WASTE the kingdom, I want to RULE it. What good would a deserted, destroyed pile of land do me?! And yes, lots of Iggy's stuff makes it onto my ships. Has it done me much good? NO. Mario STILL gets through!

Pete:

_1. Do you condone the use of powerups amongst your men? Don't you think that having your dudes bust up those power up blocks for themselves would make your job easier?_

2. Did you know that your "Make Yourself Giant" part of your body is in your butt? Is that part of a normal Koopa anatomy or what?

3. If Ludwig was not a shoein for the throne, who would you NOT want on the throne?

4. What came first: The Koopa or the Egg?

5. If you like clowns for being scary, then did you think tat dimension clown guy you and Mario took on a while ago would be creepy or just annoying?

6. How do you feel about being forced to save the world once in a while? How would you feel about a game where you're the hero since Mario is gone?

7. What would happen if you caught your kids' or your soldiers playing a Mario game?

8. Would you let Mario on if he was willing to be on this show?

**Bowser:** Use 'em if ya got 'em I guess. It's not so much that they DON'T use them, it's more of a pride thing I guess. Most of those power-ups come outta Mushroom territory and most koopas aren't exactly thrilled with toads these days. And…..really? My butt? *sort of peeks over his shell to look* That's slightly amusing…

……Who would I not want on the throne? I dunno, most of my kids are ridiculously irresponsible. I can't say for sure I'd know who'd do a horrible job of ruling the kingdom though. Maybe Wendy, 'cuz she's a girl, and girls do things differently. Y'know, mood swings all the time. And the Koopa of course, where on Plit would the egg've come from?!

And that dimension clown guy? Barely remember him. But I'd say annoying anyway. And …I dunno if there wasn't a world around because it was destroyed by some crazy dude, what would I have to rule over, right? Save it so I can take over it! Brilliant, I know! But I'm not a hero. Neither is that Mario punk. I dunno where you kids get off saying he's this great chum of a guy. It's not like he feeds starving babies, or prevents forest fires.

And what WOULD happen? I dunno, maybe someone should play one AND FIND OUT!!! As for Mario ever coming on here….he'd better not. Or I'll eat him.

Kammy: You'd do no such thing, sire. *rolls eyes*

**Bowser:** I'd cook him up and- no you're right. I wouldn't He'd taste awful. I don't care for fat plumber.

Kammy:

_My name is Yoshi 2.1 and I got some questions for Bowser._

3 questions

Daisy was in love with you,would that put you in a love triangle between her and Peach?

2. If you were given your own game what would you call it?

3.(keeping with my first question) If Daisy asked you on a date, would you say yes or no?

**Bowser:** …..UHM. Yea, that'd NEVER happen. Not in a bazillion years. Daisy hates me, I really….don't like her. It'd never work. AND WHAT THE HELL. I DO have my own games! Lots of 'em! But….if I were to have another one….it should be called….BOWSER THE AWESOME. Because it's based on a true story. As for Princess Crazy asking me out…I'd have to decline. Because my heart lies with only one princess!

Kammy: Oh give it a rest, Your Relentlessness.

_Hey Again Bowser_

Well I found out why all of these drunken Koopa keep turning up at my place. Turns out there's a warp pipe connected from my place to a very " naughty" bar in the Dark Lands.

To the B* Kamek get lost and bring Kammy back. Your croaking old geezer voice is making my ears bleed you old B*.

Hey Bowser do you want some Ritollin for you kids? It'll calm them down and help prevent some headaches for you. And as I've said I'M KEEPING CREEPY SIRE!

So the one on the ball is Lemmy? Him I can deal with but the one that keeps blowing up things has got to go! I may be The Flames of Hell but this kid (if you can call " it" that) is INSANE! Seriously do you want this Ritollin? I've got a life time supply here in hell!

Sincerly Yours  
Kotora Blaze Fire Demon A.K.A. WerecatWarrior

P.S. Tell your mom she left her purse here the last time we played cards. Oh and I apologise for having to burn your Father. Just doing my job.

**Bowser:** Ritalin? Tried it. Failed miserably. Think it made 'em worse actually. Oh. The one blowing up stuff. Prolly Iggy. Welp, I COULD do something about it, but since your place is already sort of engulfed with flames, you've got nothing to worry about.

Kammy: Sort of a lost cause at that point.

_Hey King Bowser! It's been a while!_

Hows the holidays treating you? And when is Iggy coming back?

-Equinda Rojo

**Bowser:** Uhm….are you sure you WANT Iggy to come back? He's mental. And hyperactive.

Kammy: He seems generally accepted though, sire.

**Bowser:** What's the matter with these kids nowadays? Sheesh!

Kammy:

_Well, Merry christmas to you bowser, and a happy new year! Just a few questions i've got for you:_

Bowser: I know you dont watch alot of t.v. but have you ever seen/heard of a show called scrubs? Its a very entertaining and funny show that could give you more life perspective (and help with getting peach)

Bowser: What is your favorite game that you've starred in? (Or in other words: What is your most favorite caper of trying to kidnap peach? I'd say the one where you had your castle underneath hers and stole the star rod was pretty ingenious)

Bowser: Have you noticed that the castles, yours and peach's, seem to always change in every game? Why is this? It makes NO FU**IN SENSE!

Bowser: You said once that it would be a bad idea to attack peach's castle with all of your minions because somebody could attack your castle with everyone gone. Who on earth would be attacking YOUR castle?

Merry Christmas,  
Your chum, The0ptimus

**Bowser:** Nope, don't watch T.V. Don't got time. And yea, my schemes ARE pretty ingenious. Although I've gotta say, I was pretty ballsy for taking on the whole GALAXY. Heh. And our castles are always undergoing renovations. What's wrong with change? AND WHO WOULDN'T BE ATTACKING MY CASTLE?! Forgetting about that stupid Bean kid, and that disgusting vile witch who took over my body, took over my kingdom, and brainwashed my kids?!!

Kammy:

_Dear Kingy,_

Did you receive a review from EARTH CHILDREN? If so, ignore it. Me and your newest insane minion, Aedian, have deactivated the bombs, rescued your kids and Princess Peach, resurrected Iggy, burned the 'supposed' pictures of Kamy, and send the idiot who declared war on you into a volcano.

Since I did you this, Can I have a week off? I'm going to leave even if you say no because I'm celebrating Christmas with family and trying to get my Learners Permit before the New Year, Yeah.

This is my last question and I'm explaining stuff so you get why I'm asking this.

About 195 kids joined this week adding to last weeks number of 310 for a total of 505 kids. And I got like, 40 applications in this empty room the Hammer Bro leader guy gave me to use as an office. They all want interviews after the holidays too! Several minions have been harassing us and making sexual advances(Ew!) because their is no boundaries.

And I can't do ** because Kamek put ME in charge of fixing the castle, because of the transsexual question, and making sure YOU don't complain about traps. So I've had to make secret passways for you made and insure Mario can't find them while making sure the traps are in working conditions.

So I ask this, Will you please make a sub-division for humans. I'm dealing with remaking your castle and all the interviews and I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOUR ** PERVERTED SOLDIERS WHILE DOING THAT!

(Huffs) I'm done and I'll be back in a week. I put Meddy in charge of of your castle during my week off. I'll see you Friday. Bye

-NinetailsGirl09

**Bowser:** Yep, got that letter. Got a few actually. We read 'em. But yea, thanks I guess. Good uh….good job. And if you're gonna leave anyways, you should at least know that I NEVER give out vacation days, just ask Kammy.

Kammy: It's true.

**Bowser:** There you go. And what, you don't LIKE my minions' quarters? Since when have I ever made any exceptions huhn?! Too bad if you don't like it! Neither does anyone else!

Kammy: We all have to suffer. Especially in the locker rooms….I'm certain you've….been in there.

**Bowser:** You gotta get a stiff upper lip, soldier! Consider their advances as compliments!

Kammy: That's just awful, sire.

**Bowser:** *grins* I am, aren't I?

Kammy:

_PyroFox: Hello! We're three human-animal hybrids you sent in application to work for you!  
DreamCat: And had questions on work conditions, just so we know what to expect.  
AquaPanther: So let's get this over with._

PyroFox's Question: Is every minion required to wear like a shell or a ShyGuy mask or would just a bandanna with your symbol on it work?

DreamCat's Question: Is there a sub group for humans or something like that?

AquaPanther's Question: How do the sleeping quarters work? Is there a hall for Koopas and a hall for Goompa or anything like that?

PyroFox: That's all, we look forward to serving you soon King Bowser

**Bowser:** I'd prefer it if you wore a shell, just for safety purposes but whatever. ShyGuy masks aren't ever required, since their division doesn't technically fall under my minion category. There ain't no subgroup because frankly, I don't get a whole lotta humans who are willing to work for me. As for sleeping quarters, it's separated by gender, not species.

Kammy:

_Dear Uh, your Almighty always (Try to) trounce Mario awesome Koopa king,_

Could you PLEASE answer these questions?

How does it feel to be beaten by Mario ALMOST EVERY TIME?  
Has Mario ever called you a weakling after beating you?  
What do you think it would feel like to beat Mario?  
Do you have anything against Starlow (Chippy), Luigi (Green Stache), or those NUT-sigloblins inside your Body? Goblin!  
Do you have any plans to kidnap Peach again?  
Can you contact Mario?  
If you can, these are for him:  
What do you like better on a plumbers job, Being sprayed with Crap, accidentaly drinking urine, or the water rushing away your tools then drowning you to death (wait, thatsnot possible to answer)?  
Can you chop Luigi's head off?  
Go sue Princess Peach Already! You rescue her all those times, and she hasn't even payed you one coin! though you probably already have enough by the time you rescue her.

Alright, that's it, your awsomeness! why do you like to be called that?)

-Luigi's Diary

**Bowser:** …..It feels like….what your head would feel like, if I squeezed it between my claws, kid. *glares* I imagine that wouldn't feel too great, huhn? And no, that's not 'Stache's style. And it would feel like a million weights were lifted off of me, prolly. I don't have anything AGAINST them….but….what the hell are these Globin guys?

Kammy: ….It's complicated, but I'd be happy to explain to you….sire.

**Bowser:** Oh. Okay. AND DO I LOOK LIKE MARIO'S DAMN DELIVERY BOY?! GO ASK HIM YOURSELF!! Pft. And why do I like to be called Awesome? Clearly 'cuz I AM.

Kammy:

_First thing (Destroys EARTH CHILDREN's Time Machine) Not gonna happen. Since I'm filling in for NinetailsGirl09 till Friday I had to ask some things._

Where did you want the giant swinging axe trap? Over the lava or in front of your door?

Kammy, do you or Kamek have a spare filing cabinet? Almost thousand applications came in and we ran out of space for them.

Also Bowser, that human you hired as a cook arrived. Do you want him to start on those dishes now or later?

That's all I need answered and your castle should be fixed in three chapters with no delays.

-Meddy The Fourth Ed

**Bowser:** …..Hm. Preferably over the lava, so there' s a chance Mario might slip and fall in, while simultaneously getting his head sliced off.

Kammy: ….Good heavens. I believe Kamek might have a spare in his office. I'd knock before going in first.

**Bowser:** Why the hell are so many humans applying lately? Ah well. Make him start now, so he doesn't have time to dawdle. I hate slackers.

Kammy:

_If you're reading this letter, then you should have the meal I made for you. I hope you like it. ^_^ Umm...no, I don't actually work for you. Also, I'm an adult, which is why I asked permission to enter the castle, instead of barging in like I owned the place. Besides, if I was a kid, my mom would NEVER let me go frolicking off to Darkland, that's for sure. I just figured that since you let me in the castle, I'd go ahead and make an entire meal for you, instead of just giving you those samples. If you want to hire me, I could really use the money._

Now for some questions...Do you like my cooking? Have you ever kidnapped any other royalty besides Peach? For ransoms or whatever? Is Peach's dad (or mom) still alive and actually running the kingdom? Is that why she's still the princess and not the queen? Have you ever used a fire flower? I imagine it looks pretty awesome, 'breathing' fire and shooting it out of your claws at the same time.

-Anasazi Darkmoon

**Bowser: **…..Yea. I like your cooking. Even I can't be mean on this one. But uh…can't say I ever took to kidnappin' anyone like I did Peachy. It was like magic when our eyes met. And her mom died when she was little. I guess her dad sort of "rules" technically, but I hardly call laying in your bed all day ruling over a kingdom. But y'know…Peach has to get MARRIED to become a Queen. Which is where the handsome Koopa King known as MWAH comes in!

Kammy:

_Aww...you won't tell us what you're wearing? That's disappointing! Pretty please?_

_-Sexy Koopa Lady_

*eye twitches* HEY. WHO IN THE NAME OF KOOPA IS THIS?!

**Bowser:** Hm? Oh. Heh heh. She asked me what I was wearing under this shell. *pats it*

Kammy: AND YOU CONDONE this sort of…reckless flirtations?! Really, sire I am appalled! You sell out for any woman who looks your way hmmmmm?!

**Bowser:** ….Y'know KAMEK didn't freak out when he read it. I think you're showing some MAJOR signs of jealousy, you old cad. *grins*

Kammy: THAT IS BARBARIC NONSENSE! *blushes* I simply refuse to let you answer this!

_Bowser, if I were still alive, or was possessing someone that was a lot closer to Darkland than my current host, I would hug you! You've always been extra adorable when you have your rare outbursts of affection, did you know that? Also, your dad is very proud of you, as am I...even if you're still having problems with that Mario character._

If Kamek's still there...don't lie to Bowser about your crush on me! You know it's true! I always thought it was rather flattering, actually. At least you knew your boundaries...except for that one time I caught you hiding in my bathroom linen closet...but I won't go into that.

-Your Mom

**Bowser:** ……Mooooom. Stop embarrassin' me. *grumbles* AND HE'D BETTER NOT HAVE TOUCHED YOU!!

Kammy: Kamek, that foul perverted fiend!

**Bowser:** WHO ARE YOU TO TALK?! You apparently walk in on me while I'm in the bathroom with my shell off!!

Kammy: Aghhh….*hides face in hands with shame*

_Thanks for answering all my questions last time! Yay, I get a shell! -puts on a purple spiky shell- This is too awesome! ^_^ I hope you enjoy using all those MultiFlowers. Also...this Dark Koopa egg is wobbling like it's going to hatch soon, so I'm bringing it into the castle. Is there any place in particular I should take it? I know Pervert--I mean, Kamek said that they like the dark, but what else? What will it look like? A Dragonkoopa or one of the other Koopas? What sort of powers will it have, if any? Does it require any special food? Is it okay if I name it Shadow Bowser Koopa, if it's a boy? If it's a girl, I'm naming it Shadow Kammy Koopa, since Kammy amuses me. The chain chomp story WAS hilarious, but...did they eat you, too? Or your kids? I bet that was gross._

What's the average life span of a Koopa, barring disaster, disease, Mario, or Magikoopas bringing them back to life? If it's really long, what are you going to do when Princess Peach finally passes away? Also, since Humans and Dragonkoopas are biologically incompatible, what are you going to do when Princess Peach has to produce an heir to the Mushroom Kingdom? Are you going to be really ** off, or will you be okay with it, as long as the father in question isn't Mario? Or are you hoping that she'll agree to marry you by that time, and that the Mushroom Kingdom and the Darklands will combine in to one kingdom before that happens?

One last thing: If humans use a P-Wing and get a raccoon tail, what would YOU get, since you already have a tail? Would you sprout wings like the Parakoopas? Or would they be dragon wings? Actually, that would look pretty badass.

-The Nosy Ninja

**Bowser:** WAGH!!!! Don't bring it here! ARE YOU NUTS?! Do you SEE how many children I already have?! Can you SEE how they've turned out?! NO. I refuse to have another one!!

Kammy: What's this? You've found a Dark Koopa egg? Hm. Well it'll look a lot like a regular koopa, except…dark obviously. I'm not sure upon what powers it could have. We'll have to see it when it's born.

**Bowser: **Uh, NO we won't! I ain't a foster house!

Kammy: Aww, but how adorable! We simply must see it, sire.

**Bowser:** Come ON, isn't my life pathetic enough already?! *whines* ….No. The chain chomps didn't eat me. I don't think they'd find chowing down on my spiked shell tasty. AND. UH. She AIN'T getting' with anybody if that's what you're getting at. There's still another way for us to have a kid, if we choose to even HAVE one, since hey, her kingdom will just join up with mine, right, and then Ludwig will rule over. But anyway, if we DID have one, which we prolly wouldn't because uh, HELLO, I already have 8, don't want no more, thanks, it'd be done with magic, combining our DNA together.

And hell….dunno, never tried a P-Wing before. Dragon wings WOULD look pretty sweet though, I gotta say.

Kammy:

_Bowser:What would happen if Mario, Luigi and Starlow walked in your body right now because of the pipes leading out of your body?_

_Bowser:What would you do if Peach  
commited suicide to stop getting kidnapped?  
Kammy:Why don't you just quit your  
job and stop serving his Crazyness_

_-Chaos_

**Bowser:** Uhm, pretty sure I hacked all those pipes up when that Shroom wore off. No chance of that happening. BUT NO SUCH TALKS OF PEACH DYING, GOT THAT?!

Kammy: Oh but…I don't dislike my job at all! If anything, it's added a lot to my life, given me a lot of new experiences and adventures, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

**Bowser:** Even if it means dealing with me all the time?

Kammy: Yes, even if it means putting up with you, you spoiled brat you. *grins*

**Bowser:** Damn, now that's loyalty.

Kammy:

_Hey, King Bowser! A couple questions for ya!  
1) Have you ever thought about cooling some of your lava so you can throw molten rocks at your enemies?  
2) If you don't want all the Koopalings in the room at once, why don't you just have people send in their questions to whatever Koopaling they want and just have the Koopalings wait out in a lobby or something? Then they can come in to answer a question and then leave.  
3) Do you have anybody that you REALLY hate other than Mario and green 'stache?  
4) How do you feel about pets? For instance, if one of your kids got one, what would you do?_

I have a couple questions for Kammy, too:  
1) Yay, you're back! So, what did you do while Kamek filled in?  
2) Would you say you're the best when it comes to Magikoopa magic?

Well, that's pretty much all I wanted to ask. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go get breakfast.  
Oh, and one last thing: Keep up the good work, typin' koopa!  
~Lillian

**Bowser:** Uh. NO. And are you nuts? Do you honestly think my kids will STAY out in the hall? Really? No. See. You don't know my kids. They're psychotic. They're hyper. They'll do anything they have to to get under my skin until I crack. ………Nothing can surpass my hatred for Mario. Except maybe Fawful. And that witch. But not even they come close. Mario destroys my happiness on a daily basis. And what the hell, my kids have pets! Roy had a rabbit he used to torture when he was younger. Iggy has a chain chomp. Larry has a piranha plant. Pets are fine. Long as they don't eat me while I'm sleeping.

Kammy: I slept, seeing as I don't get much sleep during the week. And….I don't like to toot my own horn but….*grins*

**Bowser:** That's a yes.

Kammy: Yes. And on that note, we've made it again!

**Bowser:** Right. Now go get me a sandwich.


	19. The Questions Are Lengthy!

Kammy: Good day! Or night. Or afternoon. Or perhaps early hours of the next morning. Depending upon where in the world you're reading this!

**Bowser**: Yea- an' don't bug me with questions like "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHY HAVEN'T YOU ANSWERED OUR STUPID QUESTIONS?" Cuz it's none of your damn business where I've been- I'm freaking KING, I can't lay around answering snot-nosed little punks' questions EVERY day!

Kammy: Quite right sire, nothing would get done then. I do apologize though- it rather has been a while since the last update, but His Highness was extremely busy with his schemes.

**Bowser:** Yea yea, let's make it short today. I have a tight schedule.

Kammy: Today especially because His Evilness has chosen today to kidnap Princess Toadstool!

**Bowser: **Yea. Mario's off on vacation to the Yoshi Isles so y'know. No fat plumber men around to guard her. I might as well swoop down and grab her right?

Kammy: Whatever logic suits His Highness. *huge sigh*

_Hi there :)  
Kammy, are you a babysitter? (if you weren't, the castle might be aflame when you returned...)  
Bowser, You obviously do not raise your children well if they're all psycho freaks x3 How do you deal and raise them?  
Kammy, do you like Bowser? (lol)  
Bowser, What do you think of Peach's beotchyness when it comes to Soccer?  
And, Peach obviously likes you if she lets herself get captured so much. Does she fight back when you capture her?  
Have you ever thought about calling a truce to try and win over Peach?  
Kammy, how do you suppose Iggy is so... crazy? Did he lock himself in his room for 5 years?  
And Kammy, Lemmy is so immature... why?  
Bowser, Birdo's a dude x3 And, besides Iggy, who is teh craziest of your many children?_

Bye for now, your total awesomeness :)

_-BlueLightning_

Kammy: I wasn't originally HIRED as such but yes, I suppose I AM.

**Bowser:** …..And. Your point? *deadpan face* You don't think I'm AWARE that alla' my children are wackos? Still, they could be worse. I mean, between kidnappin' Peachy, fighting for her love, taking beatings from Mario…All in all you GOTTA admit…I didn't do too bad a job.

Kammy: *reddens, wringing her hands* Lord Bowser is my BOSS, I am of course INCLINED to….like him.

**Bowser:** *raises a brow* That don't sound too convincin'. But EVERYONE should like me. I'm awesome! And I guess this surprises people but Peach is REALLY competitive. Right? No one would've guessed. I think it's hot. She USED to fight a lot but I think she's jus' used to the idea of us being together now.

Kammy: People seem to really wonder about dear Ignatius's mental stability. I too, fear the explode-y nature of his inventions, but he is harmless. I think. But while he sticks to himself a lot, he's never locked himself in for years at a time. He's just….lonely I think, and hasn't a way to express that.

**Bowser: **A truce with who? The Mushroom Kingdom? Uhh lemme think. NOPE! Look at that, I didn't EVEN stop to think. If you could see my face right now, you'd know, there was a zero pause for think time there!

Kammy: Lemmy has a bit of a…development problem. Because of the fracture to his head when he was very small. I suppose it's not as terrible as some would think though. While he's terribly childish for his age, sometimes Lemmy is very wise. In his own way of course.

_Hey di**weed, I've got more questions for you._

1. So di**weed (Bowser) how did it feel getting so close to finally killing mario in new super mario bros. wii while you were giant but then failing for the billionth time?

2. Was that YOU singing with peach in the credits of that game? What the hell was up with that?

3. Lol your castle fell on top of you and your kids, how did that feel di**weed?

Anyways, cya next time di**weed,

Your chum, The0ptimus

**Bowser:** *stare* ….I don't know. Maybe it felt like what my foot would feel like if it were shoved up your a-

Kammy: AHEM. YES. Well. And to make a brief correction, the castle narrowly missed His Cuteness's children.

**Bowser:** …..EX-CUUUUUUSE ME? Did you just- WHAT?

Kammy: Hurm?

**Bowser:** …..THE HELL YOU JUST CALL ME?

Kammy: Wh-what? I…..*looks all confused*

**Bowser:** …..Can't believe you just…THAT'S SO LAME!

Kammy: I don't understand what I've done, Your Burliness!

**Bowser**: Oh don't start with that "Burly" crap, you just called me "CUTE" a second ago! You sicken me.

Kammy: *reddens and looks horrified* I…..IT WAS A TYPO!

**Bowser**: On what PLANET? You SAID it before it was written!

Kammy: IT'SALLALIE HERE'S A LETTER FROM YOUR MOTHER!

"_Oh, don't worry, dear. He didn't touch me. I lit his dress on fire and he ran out of there screaming like a little girl! -laughs evilly- I'd write some more, but that Werefirecat-person was nice enough to let me know that I left my purse in Hell, so I have to go pick it up."_

_-Your Mom_

**Bowser:** …We're gonna never bring this up AGAIN, hear me? I don't care if it's documented. Just forget it.

Kammy: *nods meekly*

**Bowser:** …Serves the perv right for watchin' you. *growls*

Kammy:

_Holy crap, the egg hatched, and it's a girl! She's got a black shell, grey skin, and red eyes, and is absolutely adorable! Say hi to your Uncle Bowser, Uncle Pete, and Aunt Kammy, Shadow! X3_

Shadow: Gah! –burps and a small shadowball appears, then pops- Teehee!

Umm...is that normal? Anyway, I don't intend on having you raise her, Bowser. I just brought her egg inside where it's warm and comfy so that her hatching wouldn't be traumatic. I'm gonna raise her and make her the best Koopa/Shinobi she can possibly be! Although, if you or Kammy or Pete would like to be her godparent, that's fine. Kammy, you should really come down and see Shadow! She's really quite sweet. ^_^

Bowser, I request that we get a P-Wing and you try it out! For science! And I'm glad the chain chomps didn't eat you. I was a little worried, because some of them are ginormous! Do you have any other funny stories like that to share? If you and Peach had a kid through magic, would it look like a Dragonkoopa, a human, or some weird mix of the two?

Nosy Ninja, AWAY!

P.S. Don't worry about raising a baby interfering with my training the Hammer Brothers. I can always hire a babysitter or create a temporary doppelganger in those cases.

-The Nosy Ninja

**Bowser:** …..*pinches his brow, getting a slight look of annoyance* …Hey, kid.

Kammy: So adorable! She's a lovely lil' koopa indeed! Does she remind you of your children when they first hatched, sire?

**Bowser:** A little TOO much.

Kammy: D'aww, you love children, despite your eagerness to prove otherwise. You don't have to play the tough role ALL the time.

**Bowser:** *glares* SHUT UP. I hate lil' kids. Annoyin' little SNOTS.

Kammy: Sire is in denial. *grins* If I remember correctly you were quite gentle with little Junior whenever I saw the two of you together. I'm sure it was the same with the others…

**Bowser:** HEY. HEY. *slaps a claw over her mouth* SHUT UP.

Kammy: *pushes away* See? You don't even have a rebuttal!

**Bowser:** …..*grumbles in annoyance and crosses his arms* I don't have to EXPLAIN myself. I hate kids. AN' THAT'S THAT! An' how should I know what me and Peach's….kid would look like. It's never happened before. That. I mean. Generally it's not exactly orthodox. Or natural. For both to…procreate? Pahh, you know what I mean. Anyways. Funny stories? Uh. There's this one time where Iggy tried to make a robot replica of Mario to send up against him, but he screwed the head on the wrong way and it malfunctioned. So there was this really creepy Mario robot with its head on backwards runnin' around the castle, screaming swear words in Italian. Why in the name of Koopa he gave it a voice box, I got NO idea. We had to throw it in lava. Iggy was mortified.

Kammy: It was best, that it was destroyed. It was beyond repair. And it was….weird.

_Hooray! I'm so glad you like my cooking! Um...next time you kidnap Peach, would you like me to speak to her on your behalf? It might make her feel a little better if she has another human to talk to, besides her crazy cousin, a fat hairy plumber, or Luigi. I can at least tell her that you were nice enough to hire me, even though you didn't have to! Peach's dad sleeps all day? Is he sick, or just a lazy bstard? Oh, and I've been curious about this for a while: do Dragonkoopas have any other breath elements besides fire? Like lightning, or maybe ice? Also, there's a Chain Chomp puppy (are they called puppies?) following me around, yipping and wagging its chain. Why is it following me? Is it even old enough to be away from its mother? Where is its mother? The reason why I ask is because a Hammer Brother badmouthed me the other day, and Nibbler (its temporary name) ate the Hammer Brother's legs...o_O I figured that that was enough punishment and didn't punch his face in. Anyway, I'm off to work on your Fiery Barbecue Chicken for tonight's supper._

P.S. Kammy: What did you think of Kamek's "drag-show" on New Super Mario Bros. Wii? Do you think he's a weirdo, as well as a pervert?

_-Anasazi Darkmoon_

**Bowser**: I don't need anybody's help getting a girl to like me! Who do you think I am? I'm the sexiest guy alive, that's who! And Peach's dad is sick or somethin', but I jus' think it's his lame copout to get out of dealing with his lame country. And seriously- no other dragonkoopa I'VE come across has stupid powers like that. And…why the hell would I know where a chain chomp's mom is? I don't know! Seriously, these questions!

Kammy: Oh be nice, Your Grouchiness. Haha, Kamek. Such a twit. *cackles* I've always thought him a weirdo and a pervert, he didn't need to put on a dress to convince me.

_This question is for Kammy, since she's a girl, and I'm sure Bowser won't know what the hell I'm talking about anyway. Kammy, since Princess Peach is a human, and human females have "that time of the month", do you guys keep "feminine" products in the castles for whenever Bowser kidnaps her, just in case it happens to be during "that time"? If not, are you going to get some for the other human females that recently got jobs at the castle? Anyway, I really hope you understand what I'm talking about, Kammy, since Koopas are reptilian and probably don't have a "that time". If not, I suggest you look it up, because I think Bowser would die of embarrasment if I had to explain it. If you don't know about it, be warned that when "it" happens long enough, all the human females are going to sync up, and there will be more chaos in the castle than the invasion of the Earth Children could EVER cause._

P.S. Enclosed with this are two GIANT bottles of Midol and Pamprin, just in case. :)

Kammy: Er- well I did do…some research and I must say, I'm appalled that….occurs.

**Bowser:** What? I wanna know.

Kammy: No you don't, sire. *shakes her head* I erm….we don't….*clears throat* We would have no way of honestly knowing when this cycle takes place for the Princess, and it isn't exactly mentioned aloud. I'm certain she keeps her own…hygienic materials with her.

**Bowser:** Okay, seriously, I HATE being left out- what are you both TALKING about?

Kammy: CHANGE OF SUBJECT!

_Did you know Fawful's only 10 T-E-N You got your a** handed to you by a ten year old?_

Bowser: Why are you suck a jerk to Kammy?

Bowser: You know you lost to mario and luigi in BIS only because you just beat Dark Bowser.

That means that Mario and his bro cheated!

Bowser :have you even kissed,Hugged or sung to Peach before

Bowser: You know Dimentio{villian from SPM} is more evil than

you? You want to rule the world He wanted to destroy the world!

In the beggining of SPM you said mario and LUIGI!

You know who Luigi is! Don't you try to lie.

_-Chaos_

**Bowser:** Ten? Who the hell says he's ten? How would you know how old that creep is ANYWAYS? You have way too much time on your hands. And if I RECALL, I'm the one who beat HIM in the end. *smirks* An' AGAIN, I ain't a jerk to Kammy. It's her job to cater to me, I've been over this. I can't help it if she's incompetent. AND HELLO. Where IS everyone- I've been saying Mario's cheated ALL THE TIME. You're just now figuring this out? Geez. And it ain't none of your business what me an' Peachy do. Though I did try singin' to her once…

Kammy: Didn't go so well.

**Bowser:** SO I'M NOT THE BEST SINGER, WHO CARES? And what the hell? What's the point of destroying the world? That's idiotic! What a waste of the world! I'd rather take over it and enslave everyone! And hey- Luigi's just not a memorable guy to me. I'm LUCKY to remember him sometimes, but for the most part he's just like a green, squashable bug under my foot.

Kammy:

_1) Bowser if you could team up with any one of Mario's old enemies who would it be? (Shadow queen, wart, smithy, fawful or dementio (he was the true villian)) Oh and don't say your so great so you don't need a partner. Just choose one._

2) Bowser don't you think it's dangerous to breath fire when made of paper?

3) Bowser if you could use any of Marios super powers which one would it be? Again just choose one.

4) Kammy what's your relation to kamek and kamelia?

5) Kammy I know Kamek played a large part in looking after Bowser as a child but what role did you play.

Also KAMEK IF YOU CAN HEAR THIS WERE YOU THE MAGIKOOPA THAT BLEW MARIO OFF THE CASTLE IN SMG? THERES SO MANY MAGIKOOPAS AND THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME.

If kamek didnt here that could you answer it Kammy?

Thats all for now muhahahaha.

Signed Number C who cant be bothered becoming a member.

PS Hows your headache pill supply holding out Bowser. I can imagine youve probably raided the toad village for them by now.

**Bowser:** I WOULDN'T team up with any of them losers- they all lost to Mario for a REASON, they all suck! Why would I wanna team up with a bunch of sucky losers? Psh, I AM so great. If you already knew the answer, why bother ask me that? Bwa ha ha! And I wouldn't choose ANY of Mario powers either- they all suck too. I don't wanna replicate him in any way!

Kammy: I'd….rather not say for Kamek. Kamelia…? You must be referring to Kamella. She was an apprentice of mine. She's gotten rather good. Erm…this is kind of funny but I've only been working for Lord Bowser rather recently. For quite a few years now. I never knew him as a child, but I hear he was quite bratty.

**Bowser: **I WAS NOT! Everyone else was just stupid.

Kammy:

_Hey it's me, Yoshi 2.1_

Hey Bowser, I want you to know you're my favorite video game villain, even when you always lose to Mario, you're still very awesome, I mean it, whenever I play Brawl, I choose you and I have you fight Mario and you always win every match against him, whether you use a smash ball or not, YOU ROCK BOWSER KOOPA, YOU'RE THE ULTIMATE KING OF THE KOOPAS, I hope you rule the Mushroom Kingdom someday, and I hope Peach will love you, I support you 100 percent.

Sorry if my 1st and 3rd questions about Daisy annoyed you,I just wanted to know what you'd do if she liked you, which she actually does because she told me herself, she only pretends to hate you just to hide her true feelings. Deep down in her heart, she loves you, you're all she dreams and thinks about. I'm being serious incase you don't believe me.

Anyways I got more questions for the awesome koopa thing.

1. I heard you have a sister, do you also have any brothers, if so did they ever pick on you?

2. Have you ever went to a family reunion?

3. Do you ever dream about marrying Peach and destroying Mario when you're asleep?

4. When did you learn how to use magic and breath fire?

5. How often do you excercise in your training room?

**Bowser:** Pft, yea great, whatever. And that's WEIRD. I don't want to even THINK of Daisy liking me- or DREAMING about me! And uh….I have a brother. But he's totally unimportant. Nope. We're not even gonna talk about him. Or my family. We're just not goin' there. AND HEY- me marrying Peachy ain't a dream, it's REALITY baby! I mean, she refuses to acknowledge it in any way whatsoever but my dream already came true a while ago. Now all I gotta do is throw Mario into the Sun and make off with my bride! And….I'd hafta say I was at least eight when I could make a decent fireball. But I bet I was younger than that, just 'cuz I'm THAT awesome and developed. AND I EXERCISE EVERY DAY- SEE THESE MUSCLES?

Kammy:

_Sweet! My questions have been answered, but it doesn`t mean I`ll stop asking questions! I love talking with you two (even if I can`t directly talk to you two)!_

Bowser:

1) Did you ever team up with Mario or Daisy in races, tennis events, etc?

2) I`d figure you would only say that you tolerate Mario and his friends; however, it doesn`t seem like it is the truth. Are you sure you are not bottling up your true feelings about them?

3) Is there an unwritten rule explaining that you cannot attack Mario when he least expects it (such as during the night when he is sound asleep)?

4) You lied to us when you said that you will never physically hurt Peach. Why, you ask? Two certain, very enjoyed games: Super Smash Bros. Melee and Super Smash Bros. Brawl. What gives?

Kammy:

1) Just curious, do ever have girl-to-girl talks with Wendy?

2) Honestly, is having new experiences and adventures, lack of much needed sleep, and constant Mario defeats worth your loyalty to the great King Koopa?

3) Do you consider being Bowser`s most elegant and loyal minion, a good career to keep with you forever or a cheap form of slavery?

4) Are you feeling all right? I say this because you acted strangely during and after when you read both my second and third questions to you from my previous list of questions.

Catch you two later! Always love to chat with you two! Stay awesome!

-ChrisMSMB

P.S: Bowser, when I referred to you being as old as Kammy is, it was not supposed to be taken as offensive. You two are in your thirties, right?

**Bowser:** If I did it was only for competition. Mario's….I HATE saying this but it's the truth, he's a sports kind of guy- and it'd be stupid for me not to have him on a team of mine if I were going against someone else. And what the hell? You make me sound so SAPPY. I could care less about them- what do you want me to say? THEY COMPLETE ME? NO! They're always in my WAY. Mario's great competition, but he's also ANNOYING with his spinning and twirling in the air and yankin' me by my tail. Would you enjoy that? And look, I wanna beat Mario once and for all, in a fair fight, to EARN my title of beating him, not to jus' sneak up on him and bash him in the head. Truth is, I could send him to the Underwhere if I really put my mind to it. His game would be over. But I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it, knowin' I didn't finally best him without cheating. And I DON'T hurt Peach. You guys, playing as my Brawl character, hurt Peach, AN' I'MMA GET EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU FOR THAT!

Kammy: No- I'd honestly feel strangely about that. I'm not a therapist, or a friend for them to lean on. I'm their father's employee. And as such, it IS worth the loyalty. He may be short-tempered, thick-headed, obnoxious-

**Bowser:** Is this supposed to make me feel good or somethin'?

Kammy: Erm- what I mean is. Even considering all of those qualities, he's still a good Koopa King, and I wouldn't want to work for anyone else. And I don't think I'm his….well….I probably am his slave, but I choose to be such. Kamek is a little better at saying 'no' and getting away with it.

**Bowser:** I'm not OLD, let's put it like that. Hag-zilla's probably at least one hundred. Bwa ha ha!

Kammy: Oh yes, sire, your elderly jokes never get old. *sarcasm*

_Good day King Bowser Koopa._

I have a couple of questions for you, Your Pure-Evil-ness. And please do excuse my British-ness - I hope you take it easy on me.

1)In MarioKart Wii, which bike is your favourite bike?

2)Again, in MarioKart Wii, which kart is your favourite kart?

Yours,

~GG3579

P.S. I do hope Your Awesome-ness is in a good mood, 'cause fangirls (and fanboys) can give you a headche. And the Koopa Kids as well, I may guess.

**Bowser:** I'm almost NEVER in a good mood, so what else is new? My favorite bike and kart are the Flame Runner and the Flame Flyer for OBVIOUS reasons.

Kammy:

_Hello Bowser and Kammy,_

First, I'd like to point out to you that a warp pipe has appeared in my closet that leads to about 10 feet away from your castle. Do you know about this? The guards let me in. I helped clean up a bit in the minion's quarters (no, I didn't steal anything), and I met your Shy Guys. Anyway, the questions...

Bowser: Have you ever tried to put lights on the castle for the holiday season? That would be kinda cool...

Kammy: Is Kammy your real name? If it isn't, and you don't mind me asking, what is your real name? You don't have to answer, just wondering.

Bowser: Do you know what's under the shy guy mask? Nobody seems to know and the guys won't tell me!

Kammy: Do Magikoopa robes come in different colors? I've only seen three so far.

Bowser: You meet your past self in a game that I have. You don't seem to recognize him. (you?)Did you find out who he really was or did you already know?

Bowser: Did you actually get to build Bowser Theater, like you said you would?

Both: Can I have your autographs?

That's it for now,

Doodles-In-the-Margins

**Bowser:** Aw man, random people jus' RUNNIN' in and out of my castle. WHAT THE HELL. You met the Shy Guys? ….You run into a striped green one by any chance? That guy's weird, I'd stay FAAAAAR away from him. He talks weird, an' he's always doing another job every other day. Like one day he's a freakin' 'doctor' and the next day he's a 'fireman'. Guy's creepy. And speaking of what's under there- I don't WANNA know. It's probably some black hole that'll suck people's souls out or somethin'.

Kammy: No, just Kammy. And there ARE traditionally only a few varied colors to determine rank. Unless you're super spiffy and are in a rank all your own.

**Bowser**: Construction's startin' now actually. SO ALL YOU BRATS BETTER PAY THROUGH THE NOSE TO GET IN!

Kammy:

_1. Which is your castles is your favorite one to race through?_

2. Why isn't any of your castles a stage in Smash Bros.?

3. What's your opinion of Goomboss, General Guy and King Bob-omb? Do they even still follow you?

4. Have you ever considered taking over the Beanbean kingdom? (even before meeting Cackletta and Fawful) What about Nimbus Land?

5. Where do you get all your lava anyway, and how do you keep it hot enough from cooling to rock? Or are there that many volcanic hotspots in the land?

-Professor Peanut

**Bowser:** I like the Wii version of one of my castles, the giant metallic me is pretty damn cool. I mean, how many people can say they can RACE through their castles? Not many. My opinion of King Bob-omb isn't high ever since he lost by being thrown on his butt a few times and crying over it. What a joke. How can you properly call yourself a King if you let yourself get whupped that easily? And while I EVENTUALLY plan on ruling the entire world, that creepy 'all-smiles' Beanbean country is a joke. I could take over in a SECOND. But what do they have that I want, aside from land? And HELLO. I live by a VOLCANO. Lava tends to y'know, spill out of it.

Kammy:

_Dear Bowser and Kammy_

Hey bowser stop screaming I'm trying to break a spike off your shell and keep it as a sovenire! And kammy:

How is it to work for someone who never appreciates your work?

By the way Bowser, THANKS FOR THE SPIKE! now I can sell it off ebay!

thanks! See ya! -dashes with spike out the door-

-yorkielover123456789

p.s. I know my name is long.

**Bowser:** ….Yeeeea. Enjoy that. *sarcasm*

Kammy: His Highness has many, many shells, so it's not a big deal. And….*sighs* It's not fun.

_Dear Bowser,_

Me again thanks for answerng my questions I know we take alot of your time asking you these so I'll make mines quick.

All: In Darkland do you have seasons? Is everything like burny one season and cold the next?

Bowser: I've just completed Bowser's Inside Story you've really shined in that game remember that KO punch you used on Dark Bowser? You should do that with Mario imagine how far he'll fly!

Also you should use your Dark Magic more often you make every attack look epic with magic.

-PhilTH

**Bowser:** Y'know it doesn't even MATTER since we always live by an active volcano, the lava tends to send sulfuric clouds into the sky, creating kind of a ridiculously hot and dense cocoon around my awesome castle. So weather and season changes are irrelevant 'cuz it's so hot.

Kammy:

_Bowser:_

- Can I babysit your kids, we could have lots of fun. Destroying things, Stealing candy from Mario's secret stash, and racing on the Rainbow Road Track.

Kammy/Bowser: I found a Koopa egg that had black,green,and and red swirls on it. It was glowing, and for some reason the egg started spinning like a breakdancer. What the heck is it? BTW im gonna keep it.

Bowser:

- Is Bowser Jr. gonna come back on?

From,

1ryeguy8

It wasnt a puppet, it was a robot that I borrowed from Iggy.

**Bowser:** UHM. Yeeeeea, have fun hangin' out with those little psychos. Unless you want your limbs all intact and your sanity by the end of the day, I'd strongly recommend for you to NOT take that on. *smirks*

Kammy: Oh my….I would have no idea. It sounds intriguing.

**Bowser:** Yea, yea, real intriguing. *fakes a yawn* Junior? Hey, hey, hey, let's not be hasty- brat was just on not long ago, I need a break!

Kammy:

_Hi again,_

I came to the castle again and a Shy Guy followed me home! He's so cool! Oh yeah, I got a visitor's pass, too. Anyway. I forgot some stuff in my last set of questions, so here it is.

Bowser: In Partners in Time, Kamek has a different color robe and an apron. WHY! Did you have him wear it for kicks?

Kammy: Do you play an instrument? Kazoos don't count...

Bowser: What does milk from an 'evil cow' taste like? (from Partners in Time)

Bowser: When a minion joins you, does he/she have the freedom to come and go or are they confined to wherever they're assigned? How do your minions feel about this?

Kammy: When you get your Magikoopa powers, are you born with them, or do you wake up on some random day with them, or something?

Bowser: In Bowser's Inside Story, did you use the same group of minions for every special attack you used, or did you have minions rotate in every few battles?

Both: Vanilla or chocolate? (it's random I know)

Sorry for the trouble,

Doodles In the Margins (DM for short)

**Bowser:** Good for you. *sarcasm* An' milk from an evil cow. What do you THINK it tastes like?

Kammy: …..Evil, sire?

**Bowser:** ….That was rhetorical! An' they have assignments, what do I care about how they feel? They're the ones who signed up for their jobs, they have no right to complain!

Kammy: Oh no, just as one might practice their scholary studies, one must study and comprehend the ancient magics passed down from generations of magikoopa. Granted, not EVERYONE is born with the gift, just as some people are born inexplicably with drawing talents and musical talents. But much of understanding of magic comes from hard-work and studying.

**Bowser:** You sound like my grandma or somethin'. *snorts*

Kammy: …

_This is for bowser,_

Ok just to let ya know I support you and peach. You two would make a perfect couple! ;) ok as for the questions...

1. would you have a kid with peach? If so what would you name him/her/it?

2. BRING IGGY BACK!

3. space filler! GO PEACH&BOWSER!

_-izzythedemon_

**Bowser:** …What's with the 'IT' option? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? Geez, you gotta be just as psycho as Iggy is to want him back.

Kammy:

_*Gulps*_

Bowser -Why do you mostly come *Gulps* last! in your castle courses on mariokart wii..?...

Also,do you have Toad and Toadette? Give them to me please (if you do have them). don`t kill ...im outta here! bye oh great one!

_-Writer001_

**Bowser:** ….You are SO lucky you're in cyberspace la-la land right now an' not in front of me, or you'd SO be pounded. AND WHY WOULD I HAVE A BUNCHA TOADS? SERIOUSLY!

Kammy:

_Gives Bowser a Death Glare) You asshole, you are so lucky I lost that bet with my brother or I would have worked for Fawful, you perverted sexist bastard!_

Thanks for the file cabinet Ms, Kammy. Do have a spare desk laying around somewhere? Do you think Kamek is transsexual?

I mean he wears a dress and he sounds like a girl and he liked wearing that Princess Peach outfit from NSMBW.

And Bowser, I hate to be the one to tell you this but your castle got blown sky high. For some strange reason, Kamek put me in charge of looking after your kids today. They weren't a lot of trouble really, one look at Chompy and they shut up. But then Morton fond a self-destruct button, which I order the workers to NOT put in, and pressed it to piss me off.

And on top of that, Iggy got blasted somewhere and the Paratroops I sent can't find him. Any ideas on how to find him?

But this is one thing that pisses me of the most, my workers told me KAMEK made them put that damned button in the plans and was ******** DRUNK when he did. And harassed all my female workers and now they're complaining to me about.

Now I normally would never do something like this but, WOULD GET OF YOUR ***DAMN ASS AND HELP? Thank you

Anyways, can I beat up Kamek for destroying all the hard work I had put into your castle? If not, can I pull a horrible prank on him? One last thing, if I was to hypothetically steal a random Koopatrol's outfit, spray paint it black and wear it, would you be bothered in anyway?

-NinetailsGirl09

P.S. I asked the last question because I did that, but I let him keep the helmet!

Kammy: Kamek, while questionable in my book, probably isn't transsexual. But he does rather have some peculiar tendencies for wearing frilly items. *grins*

**Bowser:** WELL GO WORK FOR FAWFUL THEN! See if I care! One SECOND with that little creep and his psycho grin and you'll come SOBBING back to me. But no, you can't beat up Kamek. He's my advisor, as lazy and old as he is. He ranks above you. I'd be super pissed off if you tried anything. But my guess is he could prolly take you. *smirks*

Kammy:

_Hello, Bowser!_

I'm BACK! With more questions, unfortunutly...

1. If you had to pick ONE minion, even a past minion like Chippy, or a future minion like Goomba, which would it be?

you miss "Old Chippy in my gut" to quote your awesomeness?

you sometimed wish Tippi, Mario, or Bleck was a minion working for you?

time, could you go and give Green Stache' a good flaming, then a good old whack in the ass?

to Kammy and Kamek.

Go and jump off a bridge.

_-Twilight Remains_

**Bowser:** …Pick one minion for WHAT? YOU KIDS AND YOUR DAMN LACK OF PROPER SENTENCE STRUCTURE! You brats hardly make any SENSE sometimes- an' you expect ME to figure out what you mean! WELL MY HEAD HURTS.

Kammy: Perhaps this person….who told me to go jump off a bridge, thanks for that, *sarcasm* means to ask you what your favorite minion is.

**Bowser:** Well they should TYPE that then! Geez. Neither, all my minions are equally failures. I do NOT miss Chippy, even though she made my body HUGE and studlier than it already is. It's not worth it, having her flying around my body like she owns the place. And….NO. I don't wish miss ANNOYING butterfly or that count worked for me. Mario…..MAYBE.

Kammy:

_Greetings King Koopa. I grew up watching the Super Mario Bros. in the 80's and 90's, and there have always been a few things I've wanted to ask you. So if you're still taking questions, would you please consider mine?_

1. I've always believed koopas are part turtle. Since turtles can live for hundreds of years, won't there come a time when Mario is dead from old age, leaving you still fit and ready to take over the Mushroom Kingdom with no one to stop you?

2. When I watched the old Mario Bros. shows I always saw Ludwig making all the crazy inventions and such. Since when did Iggy start in with the inventions too?

3. When I was younger, I used to have a crush on both Larry and Ludwig. I always wondered, if I turned myself into a koopa the way Luigi did when he stole Larry's wand in The Beauty of Kootie episode (Mario 3), what're the chances of either one of them going on a date with me, or perhaps out to dinner?

4. When I was a child I once read in a Mario Bros. book that Ludwig is almost totally deaf. Is that really true? And if so, do you think he went deaf listening to either Morton's big mouth or Wendy's screaming and tantrums?

Thank you very much for your time. I do hope that you can please find the time to answer my questions. And I hope all the other nasty questions people have been asking don't offend you too much. I've read a few of them and they're just downright gross. Bye for now.

_-Larryluv7_

**Bowser:** Good for you an' your dumb beliefs. But that's a terrific thought, Mario dying. *grins* Would I miss the competition? Yea. But I'd get over it. BWA HA HA! And…you do realize those are SHOWS right? They got nothin' to do with facts. Ludwig never invented anything- aside from instruments to ANNOY me with. Iggy was more of the inventor and Ludwig was more of his partner if he needed help. They're both pretty smart- they take after me of course. An'…how would I know? This ain't no DATING service! Pft, go live out your fantasies through one of them…what are those called- FANFICS. Yea, go write one of those. An' Ludwig didn't go deaf from EITHER, he went deaf 'cuz of an incident when he was younger an' he tried to go up against Mario but ended up being in an explosion caused by one of my faulty traps. He went deaf for a few years and really kinda pulled into himself, then all of a sudden one day, he just got his hearing back.

Kammy:

_Okay... I've always wanted to know... Where Iggy and Lemmy twins or what? They looked the same (until recently), but Roy was born in between them! Watsup with that?_

_-gaminggenius_

**Bowser: **Uh, yea, simple reason Roy was born between them- THEY'RE NOT TWINS. Jus' cuz they sported a similar hairstyle a few years back don't make 'em TWINS. 'Course they look somewhat the same, they're my brats, they all have a slight resemblance to each other! Geez, you people, you ask the most obvious questions sometimes. No WONDER I need so many headache pills.

Kammy:

_2 questions for his Most-Awsomeness:_

1. What is your opinion on the number of Fangirls that the Wicked Brothers (Wario and Waluigi (i wuv dem so))have?

2. Out of all the wild pairings on Mario Fanfiction, which do you hate the most? ^.^'

_-Fear The Silly People_

**Bowser: **Who- oh. Those lame-o's who always ruin my plans or screw up. I remember that whole tennis scheme. And then one of 'em shot a golf ball into my EYE. Rggggh, they ain't gonna have ANY fans when I pummel those guys the next time I see 'em! And….*eye twitch* I absolutely HAAAAAAATE any and all stories pairing me with YOU KNOW WHO. That's right- Shroom Guy's the one who brought it up. You know exactly what m' talkin' about. *furious*

Kammy:

_One question for each!_

For Bowser: How old were you when your mother died, and how did it affect you? If you don't feel like answering or don't know the exact answer, Kammy or Kamek can take this one.

For Kammy: You notice how His Silliness's getting trounced by Pasta-Face usually results in having his head jumped on or some other form of head-trauma? That would explain a lot about His Thickheadedness, wouldn't it?

Peace out!

_-C.A.H.L.Y._

**Bowser:** Look, I was young. I don't wanna go into any sob story or anythin'. It's not worth it to talk about PAST stuff.

Kammy: Oh sire. I think he's repressing his memories.

**Bowser:** WHA- I'm not repressing ANYTHING, you little turd!

Kammy: ….Turd? My, my, lashing out in anger is the first sign of repression…

**Bowser:** SHUT UP!

Kammy: *grins*

_oh the great king bowser koopa, might i say this, how many times that your castle had been destroyed?_

_-jerkwaterryan_

**Bowser:** ….I have NO freakin' clue. Prolly at least ten thousand times or more.

Kammy:

_The great King Bowser, what do you think about Princess Rosalina?_

_-Tiana Koopa_

**Bowser:** Can't say I recognize the name- sounds kinda familiar. Where'd I meet her?

Kammy: …I think she's the one who's observatory you shut down, when you tried to take over the galaxy. She had all those star children.

**Bowser:** ….NOPE. Doesn't ring a bell. Must've been too consumed by my evil plans of awesome to care. BWA HA HA!

Kammy: Ah, we've neared the end. NOW! For an IMPORTANT announcement. Some of you are getting carried away with your questions and are asking FAR too many at once. It's not fair for the other people who might want a chance to be answered, and it's not fair to expect the great and powerful King to sit here and answer so many questions when he a busy schedule! To lessen the traffic, and hopefully the length of each chapter, I'm going to ask all of you to kindly only submit one or two questions at a time for His Evilness. ONE. OR TWO. Perhaps three at the VERY most, but please, be thoughtful and considerate. If you write too many questions, we're just simply not going to be able to answer them. I'm very sorry!


End file.
